Dad has been given 6 weeks to live.....what will happen?

EML · New User Joined: 04 Apr 2008 Posts: 2

Hi there, I'm a new poster located near Dublin, Ireland.

My Dad, who's now 60, was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer three years ago. He went through bouts of chemo and radiation and seemed to make a full recovery.

Last July he had some behavioural changes and slight loss of function in his legs so we took him to A&E and he was diagnosed with a 'massive' metastatic brain tumour. He had surgery but no post-operative radiation (which we now believe was an oversight or a mix-up between the many hospitals he's been seen in). The tumour returned quickly and he had a second surgery followed by radiation in December/January.

His symptoms returned not long afterwards and we put off taking him to hospital because we felt he had had enough of them. However, two weeks ago he took a bad tumble (it now appears it was a seizure) and lost control of his bladder and we took him to A&E. He's been in hospital ever since and had now developed pneumonia. He doesn't talk or eat much and had a lot of trouble walking and is often incontinent.

We met with a palliative care team last week but still nobody had said how long he had left to live. There was even mention of more radiation or maybe even chemo. However, yesterday his oncologist told us that those options are unlikely, and his doctor told my mother that he hasn't got long left....maybe 6 weeks. He is on strong antibiotics to treat his pneumonia but I feel he has even less time left to live. Is it reasonable to think he might make it home to die? If so what can we expect? Will he be completely dependent. Is there medication they can give him to make him more cognitive in his ladt weeks. I hate to think that this is how he's going to die, without ever having done his favourite things for the last time.

E

ksplat

Dear "E",
I was very upset upon reading your post & knowing how much you & your family must be hurting at the moment. I don't really know about LC but have heard of yr Dad's current condition with Brain Metastates, I'm so very sorry about that.
Perhaps the Drs may try some kind of radiaton as a palliative treatment? I have heard of this happening where the sufferer does have some improvement with their cognition. Also there are drugs to help relieve the pressure in the brain. My Bro takes these for his brain tumour.
I'm sure it is very hard for anyone to know how long your Dad has to live? Usually there are telling signs when a patient is very near to dying & I know there are members on this forum who have talked about these scenarios before.
I don't want to alarm you because I believe you should try & stay positive. In saying that there is a website I will refer you to which is a brain hospice site, it may help you with the questions you have about "what will happen?"
http://www.brainhospice.com/

Please know my prayers & thoughts are with you all. I pray your Dad will rally enough to get him home so he can be with his family & in his own bed at home. You must make the most of the time you now have with him, I know you will.
During my Dad's last weeks he too was not cognitive but I was able to share quiet times with him whilst reading to him, singing to him, reciting prayers & poems & helping to keep him comfortable.
Please keep in touch with us here. We are a large community of caring & supportive individuals. We are good listeners & often it's a real "load off" just to come here & "offload".
Once again you are in my thoughts & prayers.
Cheers, Aussie Angie.
_________________
Brother has GBMIV
Diagnosed Feb 07
46 Yrs young!
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

EML · New User Joined: 04 Apr 2008 Posts: 2

Thanks so much for your reply.

I went in to see Dad last night and he is a bit more comfortable in terms of his pneumonia. There had been mention of maybe having a dose of very specific radiation to his tumour but his radiologist says it would do too much harm to surrounding healthy brain matter.

It's funny, but since hearing an actual timeframe put on how long he has left to live has actually put my mind at ease a little. At least now there is some semblance of certainty, whereas before we had no idea how long he would be sick and in and out of hospitals. Now I can start thinking about preparing for the end and thinking about his funeral and the best way to honour him.

I was wondering does anyone have any guidance about what is reasonable at this stage in terms of time off work. I work full time and my job is such that I cannot take time off unless there is someone to take my place. They've been fairly accomodating so far and I've been taking 2-3 days from my holiday allowance a week. However, now I feel like I'd only like to work if I absolutely have to, and not at all if possible, especially if dad comes home to die. Is it reasonable to ask my employer for unpaid leave until after dad's death , or is that expecting too much? I get a sense from my employer that he feels I'm taking advantage of the situation to take more time off, even though it's my own holidays I'm using up. I can see his problem because I can't give the required two weeks notice, but he's left it to me to find cover for every day I take off, which means I don't know from day to day if I can be with my mother, meet with palliative care team etc.

E

BWFC · Regular Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 14

Hi EML,

really sorry to hear about your Dad, was your Dad diagnosed with ED SCLC or LD SCLC in the first instance...My work have been great with time off for my MIL and my partner has had no problem either but I really think it depends on your Company, I do make the hours up that I miss through going to the hospital etc but they are quite flexiable with me. You could maybe talk to someone like citizens advice to see what your entitled to.. or go to your manager and discuss a way forward..

caligirl · Regular Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 34

I am SO sorry to hear about your dad. I can totally relate to what you are going through - I also am still trying to work, take care of my mom and my 3 kids. Exhausting!!!
My employer has been amazing about my time off, thankfully. Here is the US we have a program called FLMA (Family Leave Medical Act) that ensures that they have to hold your job for you for - but they don't have to pay you. I think it lasts for up to 6 weeks (not really sure).
Maybe you could look into see if you have something like that?

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