Daughter Scared and Seeking Answers

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

My dad is an alcoholic and has been sober now for 3 1/2 years after 47 years of drinking (had his first drink at 12 years old). Two weeks ago, he had his first colonoscopy at 59 years old. The doctors found a large tumor in his rectum and it is malignant.

The doctors are positive and upbeat about removing the cancer. They are recommending chemo and radiation for 4-6 weeks, following this weeks CT Scan and some other test. They want to shrink it as much as possible before they go into it and remove it. He is going to University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and is being treated by a top surgeon and oncologist.

I am scared to death. I arranged my Dad's intervention 3 1/2 years ago. I have always been there for him and loved him, even though he hurt my sister, my mom and I so much with his drinking. To have him diagnosed with this now, after only having him in back in our lives for 3 1/2 years, makes me angry and sad.

Him and my mother are back together again after being divorced for 15 years and had been planning on getting remarried. My dad has a lot to look forward to now that he is not drinking. My sister and I love him so much and we have all been looking to his retirement soon and for him and Mom to move closer to us (my sister and I live in another state about 6 hours away from him).

Everyone is upbeat and positive and I am worried and scared. Everyone keeps telling me he is going to be fine and not to worry. I just can't help it. I am too young to lose my dad. I can't believe how positive he is being though. He really thinks he is going to get through this.

How much of his recovery depends on his attitude?

How much does alcoholism play into this disease?

How can you get through the waiting without going crazy???

How large is "large" when it comes to tumors in the rectum? (he has no trouble relieving his bowels)

Thanks for listening. I was reading alot of posts and my prayers go out to all of you.

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

Forgot to mention:

They said the tumor is slow growing and has probably been there for 8-10 years. I know its bad that it has been there so long, but isn't it good that it is slow growing?

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

Today Dad had his CT scan. He said he wasn't nervous about it when I talked to him tonight. He said he didn't mind the dye in his blood. Made him feel warm. He told me how he was joking with the nurse about "possibly" being pregnant and getting this scan. HA! Dad is such a character! He is still planning on moving here with my mom to be close to my sister and I in 5-6 months or so.

We talked about him and Mom moving here as though we KNOW it is going to be ok....almost as if we are like "Yes as soon as we get this cancer thing out of the way, we will be together." I kind of like talking with him like that. I was nervous at first talking to him when I found out this past weekend about the cancer. I didn't want to say anything to make him feel sad and wanted to be positive. Now I know how I can stay positive...just keep looking ahead at the plans we have already made and hope for a good outcome.

Dad said he is meeting with the oncologist this Friday as well as the surgeon. He has another test at UPMC Presbyterian on Monday. He said he thinks that test will be a sonogram or something like that. I don't know anything about all this stuff so I hope someone here can give me some insight.

My prayers go out to you all.

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

Ugh...I can't shake this worry. Today is hectic at work but all I can think about is Dad. I have no idea what the docs will say on Friday. If only we knew more, we can focus on a goal! I just want them to do all the tests RIGHT NOW and tell us RIGHT NOW what we can expect, but I know that is unrealistic.

Talking on here makes me feel better. Just putting my thoughts out there is somehow cleansing to me. I wish I knew more though.

I mean is my Dad better off to fight this now since he has been sober for 3 1/2 years? Or has the drinking done too much to his system? As far as we know, he has been fine since he stopped drinking (minus this tumor in his rectum).

I just wish someone could reassure me that he is going to be ok. That Im not going to lose my Dad. That he will live longer so I can have children and he can see them.

We just have so many plans and so much to talk about and so much to catch up on and 3 1/2 years has not been enough. I probably sound selfish but I can't help it. I love my Dad. I don't want to see him in any pain and I don't want to lose him!

I haven't been eating much lately. I have absolutely no appetite. I have cut down smoking ALOT (2 cigs yesterday, 1 today). I can't smoke anymore. I just can't. It scares me.

God today sucks. I pray that God will watch over him and help us get through this time.

My prayers go out to all of you out there. Thanks for listening.

cptmac · Experienced user Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 53

>How much of his recovery depends on his attitude?

I'm a very happy optimistic person. I think all the other chemo patients didn't like me because of my happy demeaner. But I've seen happy people make it, I've seen nasty awful people make it. I think the big thing is do what is right for you. This is really a mental game. Of course, I had Stage IV and initially told I could die any minute. So every day I'm alive I'm excited.

>How much does alcoholism play into this disease? You'd have to ask a doctor, but not much. But then everyone is different. I'm half Japanese and grew up eating Tofu, soybeans, green tea and lots of vegetables. Turns out my cancer started when I was 16. And yet I was in the Army so I was in great shape. So sometimes eating right and exercising doesn't help. Even vegetarians get colon cancer.

>How can you get through the waiting without going crazy???
For me, every day I'm alive, I'm excited. I look forward to seeing my friends at the cancer clinic. I don't have to wait too long for anything. I know it takes 4 hours to get my results back from my CT. So I have my Ct at 8, go shopping, eat lunch and have an appointment with my oncologist at 1 PM.

>How large is "large" when it comes to tumors in the rectum? (he has no trouble relieving his bowels)

As long as they are able to cut it out, that is the key. It can be really small and not cutoutable, it can be really large and easily cutoutable. It can be really small and hit against a nerve and be painful, it can be really large and not be hitting on a nerve and not painful at all.

So, it all depends.

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

cptmac your answers made me feel alot better! Thank you!

As far as cutting it out, they want to shrink it first and then cut it out. He has an appointment today with the oncologist to find out about the CT scan so we will see. Monday he has another test (i think an ultrasound).

They initially told him they could cut it out, just that they want to shrink it so they have to take as little tissue as possible. I guess these tests will tell us more.

What exactly does a CT scan tell you though?

Thanks for listening. God bless you.

cptmac · Experienced user Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 53

Although a CT can't show you everything, it will give you a better idea of what's going on inside your body.

The CT takes a picture of you about every centimeter. The thing about CT's is, everyone has cysts in their body. Most are benign or not cancerous. So, a CT will show you where the cysts are and show you if your body is mishapen in any other manner.

I would defineately ensure I had a CT before surgery, because that way a doctor has an idea of where things are before he goes in.

But, a CT can't show you things that are smaller than a centimeter. A single cancer cell is extremely tiny. By the time you see it, it's probably at a billion cells.

Anyway, I always look at my CT. It's pretty cool. You can't even tell that I had my colon or liver resected. My doctors have told me to make sure I tell doctors that, because on quick glance you wouldn't know it, I look normal. However, if you turn it and look at it just right you can see where my colon was put back together.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

rlee · Site Admin Joined: 15 Jan 2006 Posts: 245

babybo21580,
I generally concur with cptmac previous posts. A positive attitude is really important when dealing with cancer. Alcohol increases cancer rates for almost all types, but I don't believe is strongly correlated with colorectal cancer. Size of the tumor often correlates with depth of invasion which is how staging is done for CRC. The fact it's large enough to consider neoadjuvant treatment to try to shrink it is a factor. CT and U/S will help determine the stage of the cancer. Best wishes and keep us posted.
_________________
RLee, MD

Any information provided is NOT intended to provide specific medical advice to users but rather to provide users with information to help them better understand their health condition and related care. All readers are strongly encouraged to consult with a qualified physician for answers to their personal medical questions.

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

Test results on monday showed that the cancer is Stage III. The doctors did not see any indication of spread to nearby organs apparently. I don't know if tx is going to proceed as previously planned. I am thankful it is not Stage IV. Hopefully, they can get it out.

Since it is Stage III, maybe he has a better chance????

I'm really scared. Dad has an appointment with oncologist today so we will see what he says.

Thank you all for your encouragement.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you dealing with this dreadful disease. I am so glad I found you all. You have been a great support for me. God Bless

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

If they do chemo and radiation, will that stop the cancer from spreading?

If they take out the lymph nodes also, does that give him a better chance?

csweens · Regular Joined: 02 Apr 2007 Posts: 29

Hi -
Sorry to say I don't really have answers for your technical questions - I just wanted to say that I've read your posts and you and your mom and dad are in my thoughts and prayers. Sounds like you all have been through a tremendous amount of stuff and have managed to come through on the other side - which you have to believe will happen with this - have you heard "attitude is everything!" - so the more positive you can keep things the better - now I'm not saying to talk roses and sunshine all the time around your dad but one thing I have learned with my dad (stage IV liver cancer that came from colon) - is that he just keeps going and doesn't seem to dwell on things - I try my very best to do that too - I succeed most of the time around him, but I have to admit alone at home with the only thing around is my thoughts I break down - which is not bad - we all need to cry - I'm grieving for the dad that I used to have - not this one that has trouble walking some days, trouble concentrating other days...on and on.

Ok - sorry, didn't want to just babble on - just wanted you to know that you're not alone - you're a VERY STRONG person - the waiting is terrible - I try some days to get through the minute, then the hour, then the day......
Take care - let us know what happens
Cindy

brainman

babyboo, like Cindy, I am not qualified either by personal experience or professional experience to answer your technical questions. I just reach out to you in horrible time in your life Sad

. You ask some very good questions that you should write down and ask your father's oncologist tomorrow. He/She is better able to answer the technical questions. I will have you both in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

Well I talked to Dad last night and his oncologist appointment went well. The oncologist is still positive he can rid the cancer from his body so dad is VERY upbeat and positive. He is really excited about being in a clinical trial...HA my dad. The simplest things make his day. He said they are sending him papers (informed concents) and he was all excited about being "randomly" selected for his treatment. He is also excited about using new drugs and treatments. I just shake my head! Leave it to him to be thrilled about cancer treatment.

Thanks to you all who posted websites for me to view. I was doing some research yesterday online (it makes me feel better) and I read a statement on cancerconsultants.com that said "Stage III rectal cancer is curable." Wow...I can't even begin to tell you all how that statement changed the rest of my dad. All this research I have been doing, I have been sharing with Dad. We discuss his health for the first 25 min of our phone conversation then his plans to move here with mom soon. God do I miss him. I can't wait to see him around Father's Day. He should be into treatment by then so I am a little nervous.

What can I expect when I see him in a few weeks?

What happens if the clinical trial drugs don't work? Will my dad's life be in danger for the sake of research?

Thanks for listening and for your prayers. My prayers go out to you and your families. God bless you all.

babybo21580 · Regular Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 17

So we still haven't gotten a treatment schedule and I am getting really impatient.

I just feel like hollering at them to hurry up.

Patience was never my strong point.

Talk to Dad almost everyday now. The other day he told me that he has to wear a diaper now. He is having a hard time controlling his bowels when he has gas. He was making jokes and saying that he could get 2 wears out of the same diaper by turning it around. He was also saying that my mom finds him even more irresistable now that he has a diaper on! Dad is silly!!

I'm glad he is being so positive, but I wonder how he really feels. I know he must be embarassed by this new situation and is dealing as best as he can. Poor Daddy. I know this has to be SOOO hard for him Sad

brainman

babybo, you sound like a very loving daughter. Your father is lucky to be surrounded by a family who really cares for him! It is possible that his humor is hiding more painful feelings. However, humor can be great medicine. Occasionally, you do need to hug him and tell him how YOU really feel. It is never too soon to express love.

I hear your frustration at having to wait and uncertainty about the treatment protocol. How risky is the treatment? I do not know. Ask his oncologist. However, it sounds like the potential benefit greatly outweigh the potential risks. He is probably a part of the final phase of drug testing so the researchers are pretty confident that the new chemo will work and that they know what the risks/side-effects are.

The incontinence may or may not go away with time. This is another subject that his medical team can give better guidance to him. Ask them about it.

I continue to hold you and your father in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

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