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Stevemichales
New User
Joined: 04 Nov 2007
Posts: 1
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 Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 4:30 pm Post subject: Did I do the right thing??? |
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In June my mother was diagnosed with a 6cm brain tumor that mestastized from her lungs. They removed it, but it left her with memory and speech damage. She was 75 yrs, old and not in the best condition.
the doctors said she was not a candidate for chemo, perhaps radiation., to slow any other growth but it could cause more brain damage as well. After surgery she went to a nursing home, but I couldn't stand her being there day & night without her family; so I moved her into my house. Her deterioration was rapid. By October she lost her balance, speech, was sleeping a lot, dehyrdrated, incontinent. Her dehydration put her back in the hospital for the second time. She was on soft food, and then came down with pnemonia. The choice I was left with was to have a feeding tube placed in her stomach or let her go. Everyone's advice was to just let her go, before the pain would begin, so I did. She died five days later. Not directly from cancer, but more from starvation. Now I feel guilty. As if I didn't do everything I could to save her, to give more time alive,even though I know her prognosis was terminal. Did I do the right thing? Based on her symptoms were the doctor's right in the fact that she would not live much longer anyway?  |
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In
Site Admin
Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1347
Location: AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 8:51 pm Post subject: Re: Did I do the right thing??? |
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Dear Stevemichales,
I have just brushed a tear away for you. I'm so sorry for the Death of your Mum.
We make hard, and sometimes life-altering decisions.
PLEASE- you made the decision YOU thought you needed to do for her- then. It was the right thing to do for your mum, then. And it will stay the right thing.
Please, forget what you had to do or why, and remember the good times. Leave all regrets and worries behind- Life is too short, and you now have experianced that yourself.
Your mum wants you to be happy, move on and always remember her.
Thinking of you.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica
*Administrator*
~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~
My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731
 9 Lives and still kicking |
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Muttsmom
Senior User
Joined: 30 Sep 2004
Posts: 631
Location: Northern AL
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| Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 8:53 pm Post subject: Re: Did I do the right thing??? |
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Hi Steve,
I'm not in your shoes, but from what you're saying, I truly hope that I would be able to do the same for my parents. I can only imagine how hard it was on you, but she got to pass without suffering, and that takes a lot of love to be able to let someone go that you love so much. You thought of your mom and what was best for her, not what was best for you and hanging on to our loved ones is what we want more then anything. I have no doubt that is what my parents would have wanted me to do.
I don't think any of us that loses our parents or a loved one ever goes without regrets of one kind or another. We should have called more or visited more, and it's so "normal" for you to feel the way you do. I pray in time you'll realize that you did it out of love and your mom didn't want to suffer and you prevented her from doing just that. Without treatment, there was no hope, only pain to come.
Hugs
_________________
Nancy
2/14/02 ILC 43 - 5.5 cm 9+/16 nodes
Stage IIIA er/pr+ Her2-
2/02 MRM
FECx6 radsx33
Tamoxifen - Arimidex (chemo induced menopause)
4/03 SM w/bilat. recon.
9/03 expanders removed
5/04 repair reconst. disaster
10/04 Actonel for bone/joint pain from Arimidex
NED - 5 years
3/07 Diabetes
In memory of Kim 12/1/04 |
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