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Smurf
Regular
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 26
Location: northampton, england
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 Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 10:31 pm Post subject: just a moan |
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i still remember it. april 3rd 2006. sitting in that room in leicester hospital with my mum, hearing that they couldnt do anything for my nan, and that tey were saying she was going to die. i can still feel my mum CRUSHING my hand, crying, asking for a timescale etc. i can see the spot on the wall i had to concentrate on in order not to cry. i remember it all.
i remember being in the hosital here, them telling her how bad it was. again holding her hand and supporting everyone.
all along all ive tried to do is support them, and i did it fine for a while. then, once the initial shock etc had gone down, i flipped out. lost it, that was when my od's started etc. it was almost like, all those months of not being aloowed a weak moment..they all came at once, and then i couldnt stop it.
we have to go back on wednesday. im scared, so scared. i have been having flashbacks tonight already. i KNOW its gonna be bad news....just dont know HOW bad. and i know what will happen. ill sit in there, holding my nans hand.comforting her and my mum. come home and do the same with the rest of my family, be the strong one. be the one that holds us all together.
THEN...im gonna loose it. im not strong enough for this at the moment, ask anyone thats spoken to me in the last few days..im not coping with anything. i cant do that too.
and i hate myself. how many MILLIONS of people go through this, and manage to deal with it???????? my nan is DYING and shes clinging onto every second she has. me, im a mess. how pathetic can u get eh
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vitalizm
New User
Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 1:12 pm Post subject: Re: just a moan |
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Hey Smurf,
Im really sorry to hear the hardship that you are going through, I cant even imagine the pain that your going through, the only thing i can say is HANG IN THERE.
Best Wishes to you and your family.
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Vee Smith
Moderator
Joined: 12 Feb 2006
Posts: 796
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 4:44 pm Post subject: Re: just a moan |
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Smurf, you are not a bit pathetic - we all admire how you are coping, even when you feel you are not. It is such a truly hard thing to watch a person you love slowly disintegrate, and harder still when there seems so little that you can do.
However, your own health is important too. If you do any kind of sport, go at it really hard. If not, think of taking up an activity that will allow you to beat the s**t out of something. A punchbag is what comes to mind.
Really best wishes to you and I'll be thinking of you all on Wednesday. |
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