personality changes already

daughterofeve · Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 7:27 pm Post subject: personality changes already

Hi,

My dad was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer about a month ago. With chemo he could have about 18 months. We had been planning a week long visit (we live 4 hrs. away). We decided to go ahead with it anyway. Everyone thought it would be good to get one good visit in before the chemo started.

The days we got there he had just gone in for some bone strengthening stuff to get him ready for the chemo. He was really upbeat that night, but the next day he was really tired. He'd understood that this treatment wouldn't affect him that much. Anyway, he pretty much stayed that way the rest of the trip. I'm sure he's depressed, he has every right to be.

But he wouldn't even give me the time of day. We've always been close. He's never treated me like this before. When he would perk up it was like it was just long enough to tease me. I found myself getting really angry with him... (and anyone else who dare mess with me). I'm being such a spoiled brat.

Has anyone ever felt this way? He's treating my mom the same way and she's stuck there taking care of him every day.

jfkbluecircle · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 12:27 pm Post subject: Re: personality changes already

Hi daughterofeve:
My oncologist had a staff therapist devoted solely to families of the patients in treatment. If your father's doctor does not have such a person, maybe he/she could recommend someone?

It does sound like your father is depressed, angry and probably very frightened. I am no therapist, but as a cancer patient myself I was very worried about the emotional and psychological well-being of the people around me. Maybe he's just trying to protect you from the turmoil he is feeling and his only defense is to push you all away. All you can do is let him know how much you love him, how much you value him as a father and person. Writing a letter/note to him might be easier than a face-to-face conversation since it seems emotions are understandably running very high. What is important I think for family members (or even friends) is to force love on the person who is facing his/her own mortality. Don't wait to say the things you want him to know, even if he is being a grizzly bear when you are around him.

My best to you. You and your family are in my thoughts.

daughterofeve · Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 6:33 pm Post subject: Re: personality changes already

I think you're probably right. Even though in my mind I totally understand why he feels this way and don't blame him for it at all, it still hurts. I knew all this would happen I just didn't think it would happen this soon.

The chemo he's supposed to have is actually supposed to make him feel better. Maybe things will change then.

Thanks

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