luv u mum

auckland711 · New User Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 5

my mum passed away on thursday november 30th, 17 days after being diagnosed with lung cancer and secondry liver cancer. she hadn't even recieved the results of her biopsy when she died. i'm broken and numb with shock. i feel totally empty and unabe to cope with eveyday life, and as far as i'm concerned there's no point in xmas now. my mum loved xmas and her house was always covered in fairy lights. i've got her xmas presents here ready to be wrapped upand i just feel like going to bed and never gettin up. i was with mum at the end and she suffered so much, i cant get the image of her last moments out of my head. everytime i close my eyes i see her taking her last breath. just cant cope!!!

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 789 Location: UK

My deepest condolences. It's hard enough to lose your parent in this way, but for it to happen so quickly is doubly hard.

auckland711 · New User Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 5

Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply. It's nice to know there are genuine people out there that really do care x

Richard Day Gore · Posted: Sun Dec 03, 2006 9:45 am Post subject: Re: luv u mum

My sincere condolences for your loss. I'm sure it's doubly hard for it to happen at Christmas, but during the holidays there are lots of prayers in the air so maybe you can tap into some of that energy to help you get through. I'm adding my prayers for you and your mum right now.
Love and regards,
Richard Day Gore
_________________
Richard Day Gore

auckland711 · New User Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 5

Thankyou so much Richard. It is extremely hard, i've never felt emotion like this and it's very difficult to watch people doing there xmas shopping happy and looking forward to the festive season. i feel like the world should have stopped and i want to scream at people that i've lost my mum.
As for praying it's hard to say how i feel about that. I watched my mum suffer terribly for three days before she went into hospital, and i spent most of that time questioning why god would make such a caring and compassionate women as my mum go through so much pain. Mum had my nan living with her for the last two years. Nan has advanced alzheimers and basically everything has to be done for her. My mum did it all with the greatest love and care without a thought for herself. she couldn't even go to the corner shop without a sitter for for nan.
On the night mum died i had stayed with her from her being admitted to hospital around 3pm. she was in agony with "constipation" which i now believe to be a build up of fluid that nobody picked up on. her tummy had swollen massively and she was begging me for help. she was like a frightened child and it broke my heart! she was given morphine all night with little effect untill finally at 3.30am she was given a sedative and seemed to settle a little although still moaning in pain while sleeping.
At this point i thought i would stretch my legs as i has been leaning over the bed rubbing her back and tummy for hours.I told the nurse i'd be back in 10 mins and would she sit with mam. i went for a wander and found myself at the chapel were i begged for god to help her. i wrote in the book for god to stop her suffering, then made my way back to mum. i was greeted by a nurse telling me to call my family as her breathing had deteriated, i couldn't believe it. Then i saw her- my beautiful mum! i knew straight away it was the end and i lost it. her eyes were glazed over and her breathing was awful. i just thought my god this is all my fault this is what i prayed for, but i meant make her better not take her from me. two minutes later she was gone.
i know that she couldn't have gone on in that pain but i feel so guilty! i definately believe that god answered my prayers that night and i also believe that he takes the best to be with him, but he underestimated how broken it would leave her loved ones. i just hope that she didn't hear me screaming and crying in those last few moments, i would hate to think i scared her. please forgive me mum.
Anyway Richard thankyou for your kind words i have prayed and will continue to do so - best wishes lisa x

lifestooshort · Regular Joined: 06 Dec 2006 Posts: 19

Auckland,

This sound so much like what happened to my mum. She passed away 6 weeks ago and it's still hurts so much.

She was diagnosed 2 years ago with Stage 4 Colon cancer which had spread to her liver. At the time we couldn't believe it as she looked so fit and healthy but towards the end of last year she started to get ill. Her stomach started bloating out, called an ascites. This was horrible to watch. She was so thin from malnutrition yet at the end had a 43 inch waist. She couldn't wear any nice clothes and she always took care of how she looked. Towards the end she was in so much pain around her stomach area. We were constantly massaging her but eventually this stopped relieving her pain. Her eyes were also dull and in the end I was praying that she would pass away soon, to relieve her pain and suffering.
As I lived away from her, I missed her death by 10 hours. I went to see her in the Chapel of Rest the next morning and have missed feelings about whether I should have done this. She didn't look like mum. But I needed to see her to say goodbye. I can still see her lying in her coffin, but luckily I have lots of other memories of her alive.

But I can't help thinking what it was like for her to die. She was so bloody determined to live that I don't even think she thought she was close to death. I keep thinking, was it peaceful, was it painful. And then I think about her being cremated and that gives me shivers. What she must have looked like.

Sorry for becoming morbid but I have so much going through my head at the moment.

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