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Xian120
Regular
Joined: 28 Aug 2006
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Mon Aug 28, 2006 10:34 pm Post subject: I 've been reading posts here.... |
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And I see alot of you have parents suffering or dying from cancer. All I can tell you is Spend all the time you have with that parent. Dont feel guilty if you laugh at a joke, or find yourself smiling for no reason, or see a pretty girl and wink, or find yourself forgetting for a minute that your mom or dad is sick. I saw someone say its a coping mechanisim, and thats true. And Im sure that sick parent would rather see you smile and laugh than constantly long faced and in tears. Its hard, but when the smile or laugh happens just let it happen. I know, I go through the same things, everyday, and everynight. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer a little under 2 months ago, they gave her 4-6 months. Well that turned into 4-6 weeks, she passed away last Sunday. Please don't take the estimate of time they give you to heart, or it will break you. And this may sound creepy, but if you have the chance to spend the last days they with them, and be by their side when they pass, DO IT. Its the most honorable thing you can ever do for your folks. And an amazingly healing experience for yourself. Spiritual? yes, healing? yes. Creepy? scary? no way. Its the circle of life we all must go through. And if you can witness it. You are blessed beyond explination. Cancer is sneaky, and will hit you sideways, dont waste a second, be there for them as much as you can, honor them as your parents, friends, brothers or sisters whenever you get the chance to do so. I learned another thing, the people from Hospice, they are not human, they are angels sent to help you when you are in need, or at the end of your rope. If people have been telling you to call them, listen to them and do it. They are amazing. My mother was an angel here on earth also, she passed way to young, and had so much to give the world. She will be missed beyond description. I hope I didnt come off as pushy or in a mood, and if did I apologize. We had her srvice today, and I was just surfing around and found this site and decided to share. Having a parent who is sick and you know will be dying is not easy to deal with, and sometimes hearing/reading it in plain unclouded terms helps ina different way. And I hope I did a little of that. Its tough to find comfort at times like this.
Thansk for the vent, and I hope someone reads this and feels a little less alone...
Christian |
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missumom
Experienced user
Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Posts: 65
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| Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 10:12 am Post subject: Re: I 've been reading posts here.... |
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Welcome to the forum...
My mom was diagnosed in September 2005 with cancer in the pancreas, gallbladder and liver. She passed away in October 2005. She was 65. During my mom's hospitalization, we got her a private room. It became our 'home away from home' sort of speak. My dad was with my mom 24/7. I remember my dad being told by the nurse that the cleaner complained of him sleeping on the spare bed -- because of this, the cleaner has to change the sheets. The nurse didn't have any problem with this; in fact, it was the nurse that told my dad to sleep on the spare bed. This angered me you know. My mom was dying and this cleaner's concern was the added chore of changing the sheets. This didn't stop my dad from sleeping on the spare bed. He got up super early, showered and changed the sheets himself so that when the cleaner came in the room, my dad would be on the chair.
My husband would drop me off at the hospital around 7:30 a.m. and I would stay until 9 or so in the evening. My brother would get to the hospital a little after 8, with bagels and coffee for everyone. My sister, who lives with my parents, would bring my dad's change of clothes. We would have breakfast, lunch and dinner all together in my mom's room. I remember my mom telling us all her last wishes. It was hard on everyone. We couldn't accept the fact that my mom had cancer, let alone dying from it.
When my mom passed away, we were all by her side. My dad was caressing her forehead, my brother was holding her left hand, my sister was holding her right hand, and I stood by the foot of her bed. It was the saddest moment of my entire life, but I'm glad that we were all there together for her.
I miss my mom so much. Although I know she's happy and well, I wish she was still living, with us. The family is incomplete and will never be the same. The first year anniversary of her death is on October 17, 2006. It seems like yesterday when this cancer tore us apart. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my mom and at times, I'll have my moment of tears, but I refuse to be sad for a long time because I know that saddens her too.
This forum has helped me a lot. It's a place where I can vent anonymously. We are not alone in our sufferings and I am sorry that there are so many people who are in the same predicament.
God bless all our loved ones who have gone to heaven, and may God ease the pain for those he has left behind. |
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Xian120
Regular
Joined: 28 Aug 2006
Posts: 12
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| Posted: Thu Aug 31, 2006 8:36 pm Post subject: Re: I 've been reading posts here.... |
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First I'm sorry you lost your Mom, I know how you feel, My Mom was my best friend and my hero all at once. I was closer to her than I ever was with any of my friends, or other family members. She taught me everything from manners, to passing on her talents to me. So through my art she will live forever. It's only been a short time since she passed, but my art already looks different, when this first happened it was a little freaky, but now I look forward to it. My folks are divorced, but my dad flew in and was there when Mom passed, which I think was important for him, and good for Mom also, as well as us kids. We were also holding her hands, us 3 kids, Dad kind of stayed back. And you're right, it was the saddest day of my life also. I think of her constantly, when Im on my way home I always think, oh, I have to call Mom, then I catch myself and remember. Its only been 11 days, and the movers dropped her things here this morning, things she wanted me to have and take care of. I also have her cat now. These things are comforting in a way. I never cried like a I cried that day, I never thought a human could collapse like that. One of the things this leaves us all with, is, now when you see someone break down and fall apart from the loss of a loved one, you now KNOW exactly what they are feeling, and we are able to say , YES I KNOW what you feel , and its our turn to comfort and help other people through times like we now know. And thats just one of the things we are left with. There are many others we'll discover as time goes by. It does me good to read your Post, to see that your family was with your Mom 24/7 and were all there when she passed, there is no other form of Honor and Love that can come close to what you did, so be proud, and try and smile when you think of it. Your Mom smiles everytime she sees you and your family......
Christian |
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