Fiance's Father with lung cancer and brain tumors

Michie · Regular Joined: 20 Mar 2006 Posts: 12

He'll be 63 in May. A couple months ago, he was working on a window, the window fell on his shoulder. He had excruciating pain for days so he decided to go get it checked out. Well on the x-ray there was something abnormal further down and the radiologist suggested more tests. Of course they found a huge tumor on his lung which was causing the shoulder pain. Went to the hospital immediately to do more tests. Also found 3 brain tumors.

About 3 years ago, he went in for a meseothelioma test since he was in slight contact with asbesto's for a good 20 years working for GM. 2 out of 3 docs seen something suspicious. I guess not suspicious enough to warrant further testing.

The doctor gave him 9 months survival rate.

He should be on oxygen- of course he doesn't want to use it.
He should be taking painkillers that were prescribed- he doesn't want them either.

He has major coughing fits every day. Nose bleeds. Spitting and Coughing up blood.

He's tried Radiation. I guess it didn't work for him. So he's now doing chemo. well, he's had one treatment, and the next treatment is this week- 22 days later. Is this normal?

He's very weak. His wife is thinking about getting him an electrical wheelchair so he can still go and do some of the things he likes to do.

I dont think he'll make it the 9 months, and its very hard on my fiance. My fiance won't talk about it with his dad. So i only get the information from his stepmom. He knows the talk has to come up soon though. They are very close. Out of the 5 kids of his dad, he's the only one that is close to him. Maybe its because he was the baby and actually enjoys the things that his dad does. They've been fishing and hunting together since my fiance was 3 years old. And he's 32 now. My fiance just keeps saying- "i dont know what to do when he's gone, i just can't seem to think of what life will be like when he is gone"

I guess that's the denial stage of the 5 stages of acceptance.

Thanks for reading this, and for any support or advice or suggestions.

I pray for anyone else having to go through this as well. God Bless.

Diane12

{{Michie}} I'm so sorry to hear about fiance's father! I don't have any real words of wisdom/advice as my family just began this journey with my mom on January 31 and we are just learning how it really impacts the immediate family and other loved ones. I do know that the emotions are all over the board, as I am sure you are experiencing with your fiance and his father.

The only real advice I can give you and what you are probably already doing is just to be there for your fiance when he's ready to talk, and I would also recommend that you also have an outlet for yourself, as well. I know as hard as it has been for me to deal with my mom's diagnosis, it's been equally as hard on my partner trying to support me.

Know that you are not alone....

Diane

Michie · Regular Joined: 20 Mar 2006 Posts: 12

Thanks Diane.

It is hard on me, to see my fiance going through this. We applied for our marriage license, so we were happy and all that, planning on how we are going to get married, then later that night we get the call from his dad.

We are still planning on getting married, just nothing extravagant. I dont even know how to plan a wedding/elopement, etc, with all this going on.

I'm trying to be there as best as i can. I worked in nursing homes for the last 3 years, but my job didn't have much to do with consoling families. There was at times the occasional family that lingered, but usually it was a "get in, get out and on with my job" deal.

There hasn't been any relatives of mine that has passed on yet. I still have a great grandmother alive. (i'll be 24 next month) So i haven't dealt with anyone personal to me in a situation like this. I have had a friend pass away suddenly though from diabetes. That was rough.

Hopefully i can learn and help others through these hard times as well. I love to learn and educate myself and others. This is a definitely a learning process for me.

Michie · Regular Joined: 20 Mar 2006 Posts: 12

Just an update.

We went over to my fiance's fathers home this weekend. I noticed on the calendar that he's actually had 3 chemo appts this month. I dont think he went to the last 2. He was prescribed oxygen and pain killers and i was told by his wife he wont use the oxygen or take the pain killers.

I noticed in his pill box- he took his meds saturday morning- but hasn't taken any since then.

He's having a terrible time walking. But he just pushes on.

I dont know if he's just given up or maybe he is just tired of it all. This is the 2nd month since his diagnosis- coming into the 3rd month.

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