I don't know what to say or do!

Gami · New User Joined: 10 Feb 2006 Posts: 1

Hi, I really hope someone can give me a little advice.

My Father in Law has not long left, he has Lung Cancer and he has come home to die. The doctors won't give a time, they say it could be a month.. could be 6 months.

We only found out a week ago and my husband is really not dealing with this very well, he's sensative and he's not talking about it. I really don't know what to say or do, I'm trying to give him space and let him think things through but it's hard to sit back and do nothing and I'm really worried about him.

I don't know if anyone will have any answers for me... this is so hard... and I guess it's only going to get harder.

brainman

First of all, I am very, very sorry that your father-in-law, you, and the rest of your family are faced with this very difficult situation. It is not easy to know when to back off and when to hug. You will need space and you will need hugs. And so will your father-in-law. Use your heart and instincts to guide you. He may not need a hug when you do. So identify for yourself a support system of family and friends who will be there for YOU.

Second, don’t live each day as if he is already dead. Yes, you need to make some plans. But don’t let the future ruin your present. Find things he enjoys doing and do them. It will become harder as time goes on. But even if it is singing hymns or quietly sitting by his beside, you can still bring a measure of joy to his life.
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Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

MarkS

This could be an example of "Men are from Mars and Women from Venus".
Gami, men just don't deal with things the same way women do. Many men prefer to do just what your husband is doing and sort through it themselves.
I don't know your husband so I can't say this with any certainty though. Is this typical of the way he handles other problems, or would he normally talk to you about them?
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When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

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