Mother-in-law dying worried about my wife.

oneway · New User Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 3

My mother-in-law has been sent home with hospice. Dr. said she has 4-6 weeks to live. It has been Three weeks sents my mother-in-law has been home. She has cancer of the liver, lung, and brain. Most of the time she is aware of whats going on, but other times she is in her own little world. Her left side is nonfunctional because of the brain tumor. She can't eat, no appetite. She does drink a lot of water, and some ensure. It really seems that she has gotten stronger in the last week or so. She is in a lot of pain, she on morphin, ativan, ambien and cypher (?spelling).

We have a caregiver staying with her during the day, but my wife is staying with her at night. She gets hardly no sleep trying to be alert and responed to her mothers neededs. She still gets up every morning and goes to work, she has putting in for a leave of absence. I'm worried about her, I feel she is Mentally at her end. She refuses most help from others who ask to stay the night, she's greatful for the offers but feels that it's not their burden to bear. Her father is still alive but doesn't seem to want to be bothered with the whole thing, he just goes on with life. Her Brother I think wants to help, but has a hard time dealing with it.

Sorry to go on. I just don't know what to do for my wife. There isn't really anything I can do for my mother-in-law, the lord, in time, will take care of her. I just can see this going on for weeks, or even months. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see my mother-in-law beat this and get up and live a normal life, but short of a miracle,I don't see that will happen. We just want her to be at peace. And I also want my wife to stay sane.

Any feed back of similar situations would be apprechated. Thanks for reading this long wind post.

oneway

Remus · New User Joined: 26 Sep 2005 Posts: 7

Sorry to hear about your mother-in-law and I understand your concern for your wife. If possible, I would suggest that you get a third party to stay with her at night. Having been through this myself, I think it's important for the immediate family NOT to play nurse but rather to have the time and energy to deal with their emotions and that of their loved ones.

This is an extremely difficult time - all you can do is be supportive for your wife, let her know how much you love her and that you don't want to see her getting worn out. Help out around the house as much as you can...let her be quiet, if she needs to be.

I wish you all the best in this difficult time - just know that it's important for your wife to take of herself too - other people can help with the basic nursing needs of her mother.

Take care,
Remus

oneway · New User Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 3

Thanks Remus for your reply,
We tried to get a sitter to stay at night, but my wife's parents buget will only allow for one durning the day. My father-in-laws sister has stayed a couple of nights, my father-in-law is funny about people staying in the house. My wife is also stuburn, and hard headed (I guess those mean the same thing?) and won't let anyone but her or her aunt stay, she'd let her brother if he would, but he's to afraid or just can't deal with it.

I'm tring to help out around the house, as much as someone who has aways had a mother or a wife to take care of them Very Happy

. And I let her know that I love her and that she is doing more for her mother than she know's, she feel's like she is always screwing everything up. And when she is home I let her rest and I try to stay out of the way unless she wants to talk or just be together.

She is really doing a good job of taking care of her mother and tring to work too. I'm just afraid that the stress of it all is going to take its toll on her if this last much longer. It will help when she takes her leave of absence, I hope.

thanks agian for you reply.
oneway

Remus · New User Joined: 26 Sep 2005 Posts: 7

Hi Oneway -

Sounds like you're doing the best that you possibly can - as is your wife. I understand the $$$ issue, my husband and I almost went broke when my father was ill - however, there was no way that I (or my siblings) could deal with nursing him at that time.

Have you looked into volunteer organizations? Or considered a hospice situtation? I wish there was more that I could suggest. Here in Canada, they do have nurses that come by during the daytime to help out...the Victorian Order of Nurses. Perhaps if you could find some daytime help that would allow freed up money for a nighttime nurse. Just a suggestion.

I know how difficult this all is - we're now going through it with my mother who is also refusing nursing at this point. Just take things a day at a time and do as much homework into other solutions to ease things up on everyone.

Hang in there and know that you have support here if you need it.

Remus

oneway · New User Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 3

Thanks again Remus,

It looks like it won't be long now Sad

. We have had a tech from hospice coming by daily and a nurse three times a week. Today the nurse called my wife at work (actually, she had already left and was on her way to her mothers) and told her she needed to come home, that her mother was getting worse. My mother (a saint) was there at the time and said that she was having a hard time breathing and that her speach was degrading rapidly.

By the time I got there she had settled down, but you couldn't understand anything that she said, not that she was trying to say much. She is pretty much is sleeping all of the time now. They have a nurse staying with her all night and tomorrow. The nurse that was they today said she thought she it could be within 24hr. maybe a couple of days,she really didn't think it would be that long.

My wife did start her leave of absense today. This will let her get some rest. It will also let her start making some arrangements.

Thanks Remus.
Us men sometimes think where helping and are doing the right things, even though we're not, we just think we are. So I apperchate the support.

oneway

conquerercat · New User Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 2

Hi Resmus;

One word Ambrotose and pre-natal vitamins. Ambrosotose comes from aloe vera that is a sugar compound that will change all aspects of body. You, your wife, your dad-in-law or anyone that has any type of med condition should take this. This is doctor approved, guaranteed, and used to change celluar structure and heal ANY condition.

Pre-natal vitamins provide Folic Acid which we don't really get natually through food, but is very significant when dealing with cancer.

I am a BC conquerer, I took pre-nat's daily with two chemos, never got sick, gained weight and healed like a 17 year old.

At least try it.

Love prayer and blessing
Cat

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