My dad has metastatic pancreatic cancer

Nadia

Hello All,

On July 12th, my dad was diagnosed with metastatic pancreatic cancer (it has already spread to his liver). No one in our family has ever had cancer. Needless to say, we're all in a state of shock. He is only 61.

From what I have learned (the internet has been my biggest source of info., doctors are very short with their words) this type of cancer is inoperable and chemo. is the only way to go. It will NOT cure him, but will give him 'Quality of Life'. Will it really?

He had his first treatment last Friday (Gemcitabine). We were all amazed at how well he reacted to it. No nausea, no loss of energy. Well, 2 days later, he's walking around like a zombie. Mind you, he's also been taking Percocet (pain killler). I called the nurse and she siad that he's having delayed effects of the chemo. Still no nausea, but very fatigued and his blood sugar went skyrocketing. He's in excruciating pain (abdomen area and radiates to the back). The meds don't always help. He finds it worse during the night. When the pain gets so bad, he wants to die. When the pain is bearable, he has the will, not much of it, to live.

My dad has always been a fighter, a strong person both physically and mentally. He has endured much hardship throughout his life. Five years ago he stopped working due to angina. I forgot to mention that he is also diabetic. He is a workaholic and a handyman and always finds something to preoccupy his time. What makes him really happy is tending to his 3 vegetable gardens. His strength has diminished considerably, physically and emotionally. He can't believe that this is happening to HIM. He is losing hope. I might add that the oncologist told me that he has 3-6 months to live...I haven't told either one of my parents. When I am around my dad, I am very positive. I need him to BELIEVE that everything will be OK...that I see a future with HIM still in it. Am I doing the right thing by not telling him about his survival rate? If he were to know, he would lose complete hope.

I also wanted to know if anyone out there has tried Alternative Medicine? I am willing to try anything.

I really don't know why I joined this forum. Maybe someone who already has or is going thru a similar journey can enlighten me. I do have a lot of support from family and friends, but sometimes a well-informed 'stranger' can offer you something other than encouraging words. I know they mean well when they ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?" Yeah, find me a cure!

We're not very religious people. And my dad has since lost faith that God even exists ("If there was a God, he wouldn't have given me this."). I told my mother that when it comes to prayer, we should not pray for a cure but that he should not suffer. I also pray that my father makes peace with God and that he learns to accept (how can u accept something so unforgiving?) the fact that bad things don't alwys happen to bad people, they also happen to good people, those who don't deserve it. Maybe God has better plans for him 'up there'.

Thanks for listening and if anyone wants to email me personally, go right ahead. (nadia.orsetti@sympatico.ca) I appreciate any info. with regards to meds, chemo., alternative med., and if you want to throw in some encouraging words, I won't hold it against you!

Nadia

Anonymous · Guest

I'm sorry nobody has responded to your post..I know what you are going through although I am not familiar with pancreatic cancer.
The more research I do, the more I realize how ugly cancer is and how much it is in control.
Your Dad sounds very similar to mine (diabetic, fighter, vegetable gardener) You don't need to tell him survival/prognosis..he already knows.
We happen to be a VERY strong Christian family (not Dad tho) and could not survive this ordeal without God. Although God has not given us the answer WE wanted, He has sustained us through it and Dad saw this and has accepted God too! It has given all of us (I have 5 younger sibs) the strength to get thru a very sad time
Please let me know how things are

Nadia

Hi there,

Thanks for the reply...I was beginning to wonder why no one had replied yet!?!?

What form of cancer does your dad have?

I'm glad to hear that your faith in God is helping you and your siblings get thru this difficult time. To say that I don't believe in God would be an untruth. But I am still trying to understand His ways, His reasons, His lessons. I don't mean to question Him, for I believe that all that surrounds us was created by Him...but I am having a hard time praying. I sometimes forget to pray. And I wonder if God will even answer my prayers and grant me the biggest wish I've ever made...hasn't he already chosen my dad's path...isn't he destined to meet up with Him a lot sooner than expected??? This is why I said earlier that perhaps God has bigger plans for my dad 'up there". With all that we know about this 'silent killer', a true miracle would only save him.

My dad had his 2nd chemo. treatment last Friday (he has to do it once a week for three weeks with one week break and start up again for an undetermined amount of times). Again he experienced no nausea. He just feels so run-down. His feet and ankles are swollen (side effect from Gemcitabine). He's in a lot of pain, mostly in the abdomen area. Last Thursday, he had such severe pain in his left arm that it brought him to tears...he wanted to die right then and there. My mother and I felt so helpless. All we can do is keep him medicated (so far he's been taking Percocet, but I think the dr's need to up the narcotics). Do you know of any other meds that can control the pain?

Although I am an only child, I do get a lot of support from my husband, family (large one) and friends. And now with the discovery of this forum, I am given an extra dose of support and encouragement. It helps to know that I'm not alone in this fight.

Thanks again and if you like, let me know a little bit more about what you're goign thru.

Take care,

Nadia

Anonymous · Guest

Hi Nadia
My Dad lost half a lung to cancer 15 years ago. He had surgery in Jan 2005 for colon cancer. "SUCCESS" said the surgeon. He got sicker every day. Apparantly there was another tumor that was missed that recently broke thru the wall and is rampaging his body.
He was just brought home from hospital a few days ago with daily hospice care (The nurses are phenomenal)
I have stopped praying for Dad's healing and now pray for no pain while he still breathes. It was my 4 yr old son that told me "God always answers your prayer...sometimes He just says No"
I have stopped trying to figure out "WHY" now I only pray for the strength to accept what IS.
From what I understand, Morphine is the most powerful, then Oxycodone, then Percocet. (I'm not positive tho)
But I do know if the percocet is not working you need to let the doctor know so he can adjust the meds
I wish I could stop your hurting. I don't have many answers but I'll always listen.
And I also forget to pray ..But God knows what's in my heart ..and yours
My younger brother was recently diagnosed with cancer of esophagus and liver and it has been an added burden to an already sad,stressed family...what else can we do but believe there is some reason to the madness??
Sorry Nadia...I turned this post into ME when YOU are looking for answers.
All I can do is to continue to pray and I will for you to find the peace and strength to go thru this.
Please let me know how it goes.

crunchable0 · New User Joined: 11 Aug 2005 Posts: 1

hi
i just wanted to let you know that within the last month, my father was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. the battle with the chemo has just begun, and i am struggling to stay positive for the future.

i will keep your family in my thoughts. im not good with these discussion boards, but please feel free to email me at christina@demizio.com anytime, i find the best support for this is finding other going though similar ordeals. once again, take comfort in knowing you are not going through this alone.
-christina

Anonymous · Guest

I must apologize...I gave wrong info in prior post
it s/b Morphine
OXYCONTIN
Percocet

(Oxycodone actually is percocet)

Sorry

Nadia

Hi,

I can't stop thinking about what your 4 yr old said...

How's your father doing? I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. You're right, EVERYTHING happens for a REASON. We may not know it or understand why YET, but I think we will, eventually.

Don't worry about the med. info! My dad's on Oxycontin and Oxycodone (for breakthrough) now. They're managing his pain pretty well, but the side effects are awful...nausea, vomiting, dizziness, lightheadedness...I'm beginning to wonder if all this could be the cancer that it is rapidly progressing and NOT the side effects of the meds.

He was in the hospital the last 4 days. Apparently he had a mild heart attack last Thursday. He was experiencing major pain in his left arm and my mother and I thought it was an effect of the chemo or the cancer itself. He does suffer from angina, but with all that's going on, it never crossed our minds that it could be THAT! Anyway, after chest x-rays, ECG, Ecocardiogram, bloodwork, gastroscopy (to rule out bleeding ulcer...you see, his hemoglobin was very low and he required a blood transfusion...dr's wanted make sure he wasn't bleeding internally) he was free to come home last night.

I don't know what to expect now. He's talking about how he feels the 'end' is approaching. I told him that if it were the "end' he'd be in a lot more pain. He disagreed.

Don't apologize for "turning this post into YOU"...this is what we're here for...to vent. We're all scrambling for answers.

By the way, Scallopedge (interesting name...italian nickname?!), how are YOU doing? Hang in there and vent as much as you need to.

Take care and let me know,

Nadia

Anonymous · Guest

Hi Nadia
the past few days have been VERY long and emotionally exhausting. It is apparant to us that my Dad's body is just slowly shutting down each day. We are grateful that at least he is NOT in any pain. He also takes both oxy's on a scheduled basis (was explained to us that it not only controls pain, but relaxes him so he isn't constantly worrying and thinking about everyone else.)
Surprisingly enough, he doesn't seem to suffer ANY side effects.. so you could be right about your thoughts.
Is your Dad still able to tolerate the chemo treatments?
This must be so terrifying for your Dad...feeling so hopeless..my only suggestion is BE THERE with him as much as you absolutely can.It's very apparant that even tho he will seem to be sleeping or just "out of it" he is VERY aware who's there.
Yesterday was extremely scary day...his lungs were filling with fluid, couldn't breathe even with the oxygen, putting tremendous strain on his already very weak heart. TWO oxygen machines running at same time finally stabilized him.
Today I walk in and he is awake...oxygen mask off..and he's complaining about the taste of the newest concoction my Mom blended for him to try to get him to drink!! (We have been forwarned that this is common...to be so close to death and find the strength to "rally" ..
Anyways...I am telling you this because not once yesterday was he conscious or aware that I was there ..talking to him.."fussing" with his sheets etc to make him look more comfortable.
So today when he was telling me about how close he came to "checking out" my Mom said .."she knows...she was here yesterday"
Dad says.."I know she was..she's my steady customer"
He then proceeded to tell me who had visited (who had NOT~ I have a brother that needs a call) and how long since so-and-so was last there!!!!

So BE with him..he'll know you're there ...it helped me to research and learn all I could about this viscious cancer and all possible treatments..time well spent I figured rather then worrying and stressing ...but I have the "need to know" syndrome..lol
one sister is in total denial, the other simply just does not want to know, one brother is living there to do the "physical" care, one brother as you know is struggling with his own battle (but visits all the time) and the youngest brother...well, he's the one that needs the phone call.

I feel badly for you and your family...it's a LONG, wearing ordeal . Just try to find he support you need (and don't hesitate to have some mental conversations with God.)

My GOSH! I didn't realize I'd written a book!! Sorry
If I can figure out a way to give you my e-mail address without posting it here, I'd be glad to talk further with you.
And THANK YOU for asking how I am doing...most times..OK (at least I thought so until my daughter told me I am starting to be "just like Nana" ~ my mom~ I am clueless as to what day it is, what I did yesterday, lol
The name...my last name is EDGE
I own a home decorating and upholstery business that I call
The Scalloped Edge
well...it made sense at the time ;=)

Nadia

Hi Scallopedge,

It's almost 4 am here...can't sleep. Heard my dad crying in pain (downstairs, did I mention that I live in apt. above parents?). Ran down and watched him rocking back and forth in chair...in total agony...how helpless my mom and I felt. He wanted someone, ANYONE, to kill him right then and there. I understand him. My eyes are burning, staring at this monitor doesn't help. I should try to get some sleep...I will come back and reply to your post later on...sorry. Hope you understand...I just needed to vent for a few mins. By the way, I saw your reply to my statement...well, actually, it's my husband's boss's statement...his mother recently died of pancreatic cancer. Makes sense, huh? DON'T MOURN TWICE.

You were wondering how to post your email address here...well I gave out mine in the first posting!!!

Talk to you soon,

Nadia

P.S. Hope all is well with you.

Nadia

Peggy,

U out there? I've tried to send u a reply via email but it keeps bouncing...

Nadia

allisonSB · New User Joined: 30 Jun 2006 Posts: 1

My father was diagnosed this past thanksgiving. He is going through chemo. He went through his first protocol and all was going well. the tumor was shrinking (it is inoperable because it is surrounding a blood vessel) and then it stopped shrinking. He is on his 2nd protocol and it is making him so sick. He is in a lot of pain from the tumor pressing on his nerve. He just got a "pain blocker" into his pancrease to help ease his pain, but now we find out he has a fractured vertabrae -- most likely it means that the cancer spread to his bones.

I am at a loss and feel completely the way you do. WHY him? WHY our family? He is such a smart, driven, loving man. I just don't know what to do .
I live about 4 hours away from him and feel guilty not going home all the time.

Anyway I'm keeping everyone in my thoughts -- best to you.

reenie

I am so sorry to hear about you dad. I am no good to you on those questions you have about "why"- I am full of questions myself. I check the forum everyday just to keep in the loop. Some have already been through things and have saved me time or kept me from being shocked by a development here.
Wish I had answers for you. Take Care. Reenie

lilia123 · New User Joined: 10 Jun 2006 Posts: 4

hi,
my husband also diagnosed last month, he had pain in his back sleeps alls night sitting up in the chair. he started chemo friday no problems so far. he just sits in the chair all day with his head down, he says it is comforting.i really don't know what to do for him. he will not eat he says he is full all the time. he dos'nt talk much about his cancer he thinks he will get better. i really rreally don't know how this disease progresses. if anyone out there does please please help me kind of perpare myself. he is 61 never been sick, he has been diabetic for three years, other than that nothing. he is taking oxy codone for pain now much else. thanks for any replys
carol

Big Sister · Experienced user Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Posts: 68

Nadia -- I just found your thread among all these sad postings and wonder, now that a year has passed, whether your dad is still with you.

Things seem so very hopeless here, no matter how we write, yearn and pray. Only one person who HAS the disease appears to be still writing. Most of us are family members who wish our loved one could be hugged back to health.

If your dad has passed, I offer you my deepest condolences and hope for the New Year. If not, I hope also for him, that he is comfortable and without pain.

Big Sister Pat

aseemsood · New User Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 3

Dear Nadia,

My father has been diagnosed with metastatic Pancreatic cancer last week (Feb 3, 2007). We are all shocked and I can relate to how you would have felt when you learnt the same about your father.

I hope and pray that your father is well.

Doctors tell me that my father cannot be operated and Chemotherapy is the only option available. I am also told that Chemo is not a cure but will only help prolong his life by a few months.

I want to ensure that he is able to spend, whatever time he has left, with quality and happiness. I am worried that Chemotherapy affects the quality of life by a great extent. At the same time, I am not sure if quality of his life would be better without Chemo.

Therefore, I need some help in deciding whether we should get Chemotherapy done or not. I would appreciate any guidance that you can provide.

Here are some more details:
CT Scan Results : Mass Lesion at the Body of pancreas with vascular encasement and hepatic metastatis
CA 19-9 value : 98
Biopsy or FNAC has not been done so far.
Blood Sugar : 143 (fasting); 170(PP) (He was not a diabetic earlier, this only started in the last 15 days)
Weight : He has lost 6 Kgs in the last 4 months
Age : 60 years

Regards,
Aseem
aseemsood AT yahoo DOT com

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