sex after cancer

jam92102 · New User Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 2

Hi. It's been a year since I went into remission from hodgkins disease. I would say in this year my wife and I have maybe only had sex twice. She says I was sick for so long it's hard for her to see me as a sexual partner because she came so close to losing me that she's just getting used to me being well. Every part of are marriage is great but our sex life. Has any other women gone through this with there partners after cancer? I would really appreciate some insight. Thanks!

Jim

pat devitavessa · Regular Joined: 09 Apr 2005 Posts: 25

Hi There Jim,

I would bet 25 year of being a therapist on it. I recommend that you this as part of recovery and go to a couples therapist that can deal with these issues. Ask your doctors, or call several places like the Wellness Community. Remember you folk had your whole lives turn upside-down and one of the most easily shaken can be the phyical acts of love.

Give yourselves time, help and a little humor.

Your earned it.

Regards,

Pat
_________________
Pat DeVita-Vessa, MFT

This is a dislaimer that this is not medical advice only information to help you

jam92102 · New User Joined: 24 Jul 2005 Posts: 2

Thanks so much for the support and advice. I think I will look into something like that. Thanks again!

Jim

tugs2003 · Regular Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 10 Location: Montana

Hi,
I am the cancer patient -- We were in such shock at first that I think sex just wasn't an issue -- then chemo kicked me right into menopause -- so I was dealing with hormonal changes that weren't gradual and so many other things -- my husband has been terrific -- but it does seem like it is a subject that patients are hesitant to discuss -- everything else seems to get talked about in the chemo room..........

But my oncology nurse and my naturopath have been great helping me (just talking about it helps) You said your wife is dealing with the emotions of almost losing you -- and coming to grips that you aren't sick. I think that is so hard for the caregivers -- they can only imagine what we are going through and most times they imagine 10 times worse than it really is

-- I am having a hard time seeing myself as a sexual being -- my breasts are gone -- the right decision and a decision made with my husband with no hesitation -- I am a hormonal wreck -- after chemo and radiation I was just getting to feel like there was life after treatment and then a month ago I began herceptin treatment ( another shot of hope yet also an upheaval of emotion and revisiting the Her-2 diagnosis. I am also self employed (I own a bookstore and work 10 hour days so I tend to be exhausted)

My husband is a trooper doesnt' complain about the nonexistant sexlife and is pretty appreciative of the small things -- we began talking about it and then it was like we were just starting to date -- we make every effort to watch TV holding hands and snuggling on the couch and made certain that when we kissed we both knew it was a kiss -- they were little steps that helped us to reconnect -- We talked about seeing a counselor (my mother-in-law is late stage lung cancer and I think my husband is just dealing with things day by day) and both feel that is an option that we will keep open

good luck and have faith there really can be sex after cancer.

Debbie
_________________
45
dx 09/03
nodes 3+ of 22
stage IIB
er-/her2+
bilateral mastectomy
chemo/more chemo w/Taxotere
38 rad
Currently undergoing Herceptin treatmens

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