Can Someone Help Me Help My Father? Lung to Liver....

Christi620 · New User Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Posts: 1

My Dad was 48 when he went in for a annual check up and insisted that the doctor take a PSA blood test to check his prostate...the doctor said he wouldn't do it b/c he was too young..my father insisted and the result was......[b]Adenocarcinoma of the Prostate[/b] in September 2000...

The "doctor" recommended he get his prostate removed and he did. Upon completion of the operation, the "doctor" came out and told my mother that they removed alot more cancer than they originally suspected was in there. The "doctor" told my mother and father that everything was removed and just come back for regular PSA blood test every 6 months. [b]He NEVER sent my father for any CAT Scans or PET Scans[/b] to see if the cancer was anywhere else in his body. The doctor convinced him that everything was great....

Come to October 2004, my father noticed a swelling in his neck, he went back to this "doctor" who told him it was just a muscle and sent him home...3 WEEKS go by...my father started to get what his "doctor" said was acid reflux...sent him for a test where they put the tube down his throat with a camera to determine it was indeed Acid Reflux...they said he had VERY bad acid reflux (all of a sudden) and ever since they put that camera down his throat, he had his left vocal cord paralyzed...he went back to this "doctor" and my father very diligently demanded that he go to an Ear, Nose Throat Specialist...and this "doctor" said "For what? the muscle? okay, if it will make you feel better...." The ENT sent him for a CAT Scan...

The result of the CAT scan...[b]Adenocarcinoma of the Lung [/b] (Left Lung & Lymph Nodes) listed as Metastic Lung Cancer on the pathology report....STAGE IV....now he finally went to a reputable doctor who sent him for chemo....for 3 months he went and last week he went for a CAT Scan and PET Scan, it showed that the chemo did nothing, there are more tumors on his left lung and the ones he had grew dramatically...and it went to his liver ("innumerable masses")

Can someone please help me? Is it possible that it went from the Prostate to the Lung? that this doctor neglected to advise my father on the proper procedures?

I am really upset over this...I am the oldest of 4 children, and I am pregnant with my 2nd child...I am losing so much sleep over all of this.. My mother says that you can't go back in time, don't dwell on what we could have done...I just feel the "doctor" should have done more, maybe they would have caught this in time?

He is only 52 years old (his father, my grandfather died from Lung, Brain Cancer 21 years ago)..I am scared that now it's just going to pass along to me and my 2 brothers and sister....I am so close with my Dad and it's killing me to see him like this...I am sorry if I am babbling, but I have been researching every day and night, trying to find some hope for a miracle or something that could work for him...My mom is so depressed, b/c she's seeing her husband waste away, he lost 60 lbs already...it's so sad...someone told me to get Milk Thistle for him....the doctor's are giving him Tarceva now, b/c the last chemo didn't work...he has to take pain killers in order to eat b/c of the pain in his stomach/side....I won't give up on trying to find some kind of hope for him.....can anyone help me?

I am sorry again for rambling like this...this is my first time I have ever posted anything....

Christina

loftus75 · Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 7:55 am Post subject: Dealing with a terminal illness

Christi620, I read your email with sadness and some empathy, I am 54 years old, a married man and have also been diagnosed with lung cancer and heart failure, I am terminally ill and have been told I have only a short time left. I felt your post deserved some kind of response, even if it's not what you had hoped to hear, though I do hope you will try and get some comfort from this.

From what you have said your Dad has been having a very hard time of things for a long time. It's possible his doctor could have been more vigilant, though it's always hard to say exactly what goes on when we are not party to the doctor patient relationship.

Loosing a loved one is always hard, but it can be that much harder for the families that have to deal with a terminal illness. Your desire to help in any way possible is an illustration of the love you have for your father and how the pain that he suffers is shared by you and your family. However you have choices, you can chose to use this time with your father as a time to say the things that need to be said, and to do the things that need to be done for your entire family or you can spend the time trying to find a cure or treatment that your current doctors should already be doing on your fathers behalf.

No one would want to take any hope you have away from you or your family, but there is a level of denial that can become destructive, if your father has been diagnosed terminal, your time and efforts might be better placed in finding ways of making his last days memorable, if he believes you are in distress and he sees this, it can make his situation more difficult. We must remember, stress is contagious, and more stress is probably the last thing he needs. Even if you are doing your best to hide your stress, it's likely he will be aware of your feelings and pain. The best thing that many cancer suffers can be given is a sense of calm and peace, it's something I know I crave for on a bad day.

There is a level of denial we need to find in order to deal with a terminal illness. Each of us have our own level but we can say that it should not extend to using the remaining time we have together on false hopes or additional disappointments. When we accept that death is a possibility we can then get on to those things that really matter. The denial should be in the thought that death cannot place it's cloud over us, in short we need to ignore it's presence in order that the love we have to give is not tainted by premature grief.

Finding your own place of peace during these very hard times might be the best investment of time, I sure if you are at peace your father will feel this, and this will help him deal these hard times.

I wish you and your family well and hope you can find some peace and calm in your life.

pat devitavessa · Regular Joined: 09 Apr 2005 Posts: 25

Dearest Christina,

I want you to know, as the mental health person on this site, loftus75 gave you sage and healthy advice. I will only add a few things to the mix. YOU need to take care to do all the wellness steps for a mother to be. This will save your father and mother any additional concern over YOUR immediate health.

You have had a loss of faith in your father's early care (or lack) providers. You have had a loss of your personal peace of mind & ,in general, a loss of the comfort structure of your life. We grieve many changes throughout our lives, many of which have to do with our lives being turned upside down. I get the sense that you feel as though you have had the "wind knocked out of you". Following that, let me suggest that you check into a copy of James & Friedman; The Grief Recovery Handbook. It is simply a bit of help with life. I have given it to many patients that have loss and change happening and have had very positive feedback.

Please know that you were not "rambling", you just had a lot to say.

My Very Best,

Pat
_________________
Pat DeVita-Vessa, MFT

This is a dislaimer that this is not medical advice only information to help you

leo · Site Admin Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 1574

Dear Christina,

Thanks for sharing your story with us. While it is possible that prostate cancer metastasizes to the lung, it seems that the biopsies revealed lung cancer. Therefore your father unfortunately had a second cancer, which is totally separate from the prostate cancer. Unfortunately he did not respond to the initial chemotherapy regimen... still, I am glad he is under the care of a good physician.

As Pat mentioned, please make sure you take care of yourself. We will be here if you need to talk, ok ?

best regards,
Leo
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Leonardo F - Webmaster Cancer Forums
Disclaimer: this information is for informational purposes only. It is not medical advice.

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