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onecoyote
Experienced user
Joined: 15 Jul 2008
Posts: 66
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 Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 2:29 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Hi Koik,
I just wanted to express my sadness for what you have to endure. My prayers are with you to keep you strong and to make your husband's suffering lessen. Your posts have truly shown how courageous you are.
Peace,
Onecoyote |
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zinger
Experienced user
Joined: 09 Jun 2008
Posts: 65
Location: SE Michigan, USA
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 4:42 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Dear Koik,
Have no regrets about your feelings of selfishness. We all cross that threshold at one time or another in our journey along the cancer road. It's OK to feel sad, deprived, angry, lonely -- all those emotions that make our hearts ache and our eyes well up. You say you don't know what you'll do when this is over -- we all have said the very same thing. One thing is for certain -- you will find strength to carry on in a reserve you didn't know you had, and the love you have for your Daniel will sustain you and heal your heart and take away your fears.
Stamp your feet, scream to the high heavens, cry, pound your fists -- get it all out. It's all about coping, and it's all OK. It makes the quiet times with your darling Daniel so much sweeter and so much more meaningful.
Peace to you Koik,
"Peace...Be Still..."
Cathy
_________________
Dad ~ lung cancer diagnosed Dec 18, 2003, passed Mar 3, 2004.
Mom ~ lung cancer diagnosed May 27, 2008, passed June 1, 2008
They're waltzing once again... |
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Tera
Senior User
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 187
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| Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 9:52 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Oh Koik, I am so sorry, sweetie. Big hug to you (((((Koik))))).
You are not selfish, no more than any of us are. We all want to keep our loved ones with us. I had resigned myself to my mom's fate, walked memory lane with her, told her I loved her, told her it's ok, I'll be alright, yet when she passed, I cried No! What I would give for one more day....but not in the shape she was in. Now, this Saturday I've got to go to the funeral of one of her best friends, who passed yesterday. I am not looking forward to it.
I hear you and feel your pain and anger. It is normal to feel that way just as it is so very normal to want to keep him by your side. Know that no matter what, the love bond you share is strong and he will always be by your side and in your heart.
Hang in there. |
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pbj11
Site Admin
Joined: 12 May 2007
Posts: 1301
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| Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 7:05 am Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Koik,
Of course you want to keep him by you -- these men are truly our "other half." Nothing selfish about that. We all know how very unselfish you've been, gentle, loving, and caring throughout this whole journey.
Most times they do leave us in spirit long before their bodies give out. You're living in such a rough time -- he's there, but he's not. It's so lonely and heart wrenching, but you know you can't stand to see him in pain. So many of us understand this part of the journey, but you seem to have been on this for such a long time and are emotionally worn to a frazzle.
My heart, thoughts, and prayers continue to be with you and Daniel.
Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.
Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 |
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koikkeril
Super Moderator
Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 334
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 2:58 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Hello
I have upset the nurse and took Daniel to the garden...  It was lovely, he can certainly hear well. The birds fluttered from the trees and he looked up. It was worth everything to see that.  I also managed to see his eyes, they opened wide and they were yellow! (That's liver problems)?? 
Anyhow I am happy for that, the nurse arrived and found me in the garden with Daniel in the wheelchair she said "He is tired" She told me this morning he doesn't have very long so I thought he should have some of Gods sun.
I don't want him waiting for death in his bed!
Anyhow if he dies on route in his wheelchair, then he died happily in the sun and not in a caged hospital bed laying in my lounge......Aw the madness of all this!
Thanks for your post, I know so many have been before me or there now as I trundle on, Bless you all, Koik |
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Tera
Senior User
Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 187
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| Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:57 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Koik, there is a special place in Heaven for you one day for the wonderful loving, beautiful care you give to your husband.  |
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brainman
Chief Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 4291
Location: Tennessee
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LizNDale
Senior User
Joined: 16 May 2008
Posts: 147
Location: River Falls, WI
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:23 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Dear Koik,
Just want you know Dale and I are praying for you and Daniel, and are thinking about you both.
You are a remarkable lady, Koik, and an inspiration to all of us.
My heart breaks for you, it's too bad our hugs have to be virtual. But you know our prayers are real world.
{{{{{Koik}}}}
Liz |
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B&H1997
Experienced user
Joined: 13 Jun 2008
Posts: 51
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:36 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Hello koik,
My prayers and thoughts are with you and your husband.
As many have said, you are such a wonderful and strong woman and a true inspiration to us all.
God Bless,
Bernice
_________________
Husband was diagnosed 6-5-08 with Stage IIIA Lung Cancer- NSCLC- Squamous Cell Carcinoma |
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hopeful
Regular
Joined: 27 May 2008
Posts: 30
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 2:49 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Hello Koik
I'm thinking about you and Daniel. God bless. |
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koikkeril
Super Moderator
Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 334
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:59 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Hello Jim, Daniel isn't in a hospital room, he is home with me! That's why I creep him out to our garden when the nurse is away  Took him out there today as well, got caught again but this time she was 
Well my health is telling tales and my pain in my hands and arms is some what difficult for me to tap the keyboard nowadays..
I was suppose to go to the hospital for 3 or 4 days to have some test with the Rheumatism department. But I have no time, I don't get an hour let alone a day.
I saw my doctor and he has made me appointment for a brain scan (faire scanner cerebral pour cephalees + paresthesie bras and jambe droits)..??? This is a bit of a shock but hopefully there is no problems.. I also have to have some checks for calcification's on the liver.. Actually I have known for some time about needing a scan for this but didn't really want to find out more health problems are coming my way.. So doctor pinned me down and made the appointments whilst I was there..  If I go its on the 7th August  I will try to go and sort it out this time but its off putting knowing somebody wants to scan my head! They will find it empty.. 
Enough of me, Daniel has nearly had 2,000 calories in fluid today, how many does he need to keep the weight or put a little on? I want to prove the nurse wrong... I understand a man has to have 3,000 calories per day...? He likes his garden trips so I have to get some calories down him so he can sit in the wheelchair..He is very weak and cant hold his head up...neck so thin and collapsing, very sad to say but I cant imagine a body being any skinnier...So trying now to count the calorie!!!
Thank you to all of you for your continual support, God Bless Koik |
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helensgirl
Senior User
Joined: 21 Dec 2007
Posts: 129
Location: north carolina
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Koik,
God bless and take care of yourself as well as Daniel. I wish and pray thebest for you and Daniel...{{{{{{{{KoikandDaniel}}}}}}} Kim
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07 |
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dano
Senior User
Joined: 19 Jul 2008
Posts: 175
Location: Oahu, Hawaii
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| Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 6:32 am Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Hi Koik;
Just wanted to say the you have been an inspiration to me getting through all you have gone through, Daniel has been a surprise to his love for you is so strong that it holds him here on earth. A lot of what you are going through is hard, but in time after it is over I believe you will see the reason for what you have gone through.
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as al so I am known.
1 Corinthians 13:12
God Bless
Dan
_________________
54 year old male in Hawaii
Diagnosed Nov. 9,2007 with NSCLC IV
with Mets to the lymphs and brain
Had full brain radiation treatment in Jan 08
Currently on chemo treatments every 3 weeks
with Alimta
and taking Lovenox for blood clots
Now back to work full time
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9993 |
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koikkeril
Super Moderator
Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 334
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| Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 8:33 am Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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Thank you Dano for thinking of us also, I have so many lovely people coming in with there prayers that is for this reason I think gives us all the strength...
Updated:
Thursday early hours Daniel was very bad.....He could not stop coughing because he had mucus he could clear, so it was sit on the edge of the bed and wonder whether tonight was going to be the night....Out came all the balms, eucalyptus hot water bowls and towels, don't think anything actually helped so we prayed. He calmed down about 4am and we caught up with some shut eye.. (one eye shut and one eye open)
I thought perhaps the chest was bad because I had moved him from the bed and took him into the garden.
Thursday afternoon still breathing problems but normal for this stage of cancer....I had mentioned over the last week or so to the doctor and nurse I thought he had a chest infection, but they were concerned :shock We took him back to the garden, he seemed pleased and we gave him a shave.
Early morning Friday..Daniel had a fit which lasted over 45 minutes I phoned the ambulance department to speak to the doctor but he decided to send the ambulance. After examination I signed the paperwork for him to remain at home as we all thought it best rather than he went off to another hospital, i would phone his doctor at the hospital where he is being treated in the morning...Ambulance felt my husband had an infection!!!!
Next day doctor came to the house he is now having an antibiotic in the backside 1gram 1times per day??? They will not give him more..I asked since Thursday if he could have an aspirator so we can make him more comfortable by taking the mucus out. I am still waiting as they said yes and its now Saturday! (This evening will be his second antibiotic injection) To me this is crazy. I would prefer him having an antibiotic 2 or 3 times per day!
Yesterday evening doctor asked to speak to me on my own and asked if I have all the arrangements in order. I cried a little!
I went yesterday evening and chose his coffin and colours and everything other than the booking of the plot is done.
I came home, looked at him and decided I am not ready and nor is he. Of course there are no outdoor garden for him to visit at this stage and everybody is expecting the unacceptable to happen, except me and him!
I will keep you informed but it really doesn't help when everyone gives up around you and you are fighting on your own. Everyday matters and if I can have another seven I would be lucky again. How much luck can I have? Never give up Hope! Hugs to all my friends out there, Koik
_________________
Husband diagnosed with stage 1V NSCLC Febuary 2007.....Lost his battle August 27th 2008 but lives on in my heart. |
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zinger
Experienced user
Joined: 09 Jun 2008
Posts: 65
Location: SE Michigan, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:57 am Post subject: Re: The silent killer, aggressive and back. We thought he was NE |
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My Dear Koik,
My arms surround you and your Daniel with an understanding hug as your journey becomes even more difficult.
I am so sorry that you've come to this milestone. My heart aches for you. I'm praying for strength for both you and Daniel for the body as well as the soul. God bless you.
Cathy
_________________
Dad ~ lung cancer diagnosed Dec 18, 2003, passed Mar 3, 2004.
Mom ~ lung cancer diagnosed May 27, 2008, passed June 1, 2008
They're waltzing once again... |
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