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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 5612
Location: Tennessee
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 Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:34 pm Post subject: Re: Update on FIL |
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dstoeck, great to hear about your father in law! I am glad he is home and doing so well.
Is for the differences in his children's perception... I am the middle son of 5. Oh, how we were different when it came to our parents and their cancers  . It is amazing that 5 people can come from the same parents and be so different. Despite the differences, we made it through those times without pulling or bushing apart. I hope your husband's children can pull together too.
As always, you and your family and FIL are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Twitter: @JimHawkins54 |
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dstoeck
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Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 22
Location: Alabama
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:24 am Post subject: FIL has passed on |
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So, I know that the last I wrote FIL was doing well and adjusting to his new life. Life was good for Pop. He and mom (i.e., MIL) began attending their dulcimer meetings again, playing together and with friends and Pop was able to mow the yard with his new electric mower, take walks, and actually enjoy Life. We were all relieved and happy for him.
In April he began to have pain near the entrance of the J-tube. They gave him a new one, but the pain remained. He continued to see the doctor for the pain and was provided medication. He began to lose the energy that he had gained. The pain got worse and worse as the days went on. He taught Mom to mow the lawn, seed the lawn, fertilize it (he LOVED his lawn! Can you tell? ) He traded in his new lawn mower for a GPS unit and taught Mom how to use it. He taught her to put gas in the car, how to check the oil and how to back it out of their tiny garage.
The pain worsened and he continued to lose energy and now weight. The weekend of June 14 was their 45 wedding anniversary. My husband, myself and our daughter travelled up to Ohio for the event. This was the first time that I saw him since Thanksgiving 2007. I thought he looked thin but healthy - considering. He had troubled breathing sometimes because of the pain. He was happy to have us visit and was his old joking self.
Pop stayed at the anniversary for about 4 hours. Much longer that anyone expected. He quietly sought assistance from a son in law to bring him home so not to disturb Mom's fun. Her 9 sisters and one brother and many of their kids with their kids, in addition to the 7 children and 15 grandchildren of her own were there. She knew he had left and was a little sad, but kept saying that he must have really enjoyed himself to stay for as long as he did.
2 weeks later we get the call that Pop was in the hospital in Cincinnati. He had gone to the Doctor again for a check up and some tests and for the constant complaint of pain...so severe now that all he did was lay in bed or sit in his chair. Mom said that he was looking a little yellow as well. After many hours of tests and scans they found a "blockage" in his intestine above the j-tube. We were all trying to figure out what this blockage was. Scans were not conclusive and bone marrow assays did not show cancer cells. The docs stated that surgery was the only answer.
Pop said no.
My husband and his mom were devastated. How could he give up. Lots of phone calls were going on at my home those couple of days.
Then one of the doctors sat Mom and one of the sisters (her daughter) down. He believed that the blockage was a tumor even though the blood tests did not show any evidence of cancer. After reveiwng the records from Cleveland Clinic from December he found a small note about possible cancer cells in a lymph node that they had removed. But they weren't sure if the cells were cancerous or just destroyed from handling. He said that they probably were cancer cells and the location of the "blockage" fits the characteristic of stomach cancer. It tends to follow the intestinal tract. The location of the blockage would be the logical location for the next tumor. He felt that Pop did not have much longer to live. The now identified tumor was blocking his pancreatic duct and bile duct. The fluids were building up in his system. Soon he would not be able to tolerate food. Once that happened it wouldn't too long before he passed. "I doubt that he lasts a month" was his words. Mom held on to that time frame - one month.
That was a Friday. Saturday they were visited by hospice nurses who talked to them about the options. My husband was asked by his siblings to come home to say good bye.
The plan was to have hospice take care of Pop at home, but Mom was unsure of where to put the hospital bed. She wasn't sure if she could provide the care that he would need. She was hesitant to have hospice at home. Pop wanted to go home.
Later that night Pop's condition deteriorated. By Sunday morning the plan changed to Pop going to a hospice center so that his medications could be figured out (Mom's words) then sent home after Mom was trained. Pop was transported to a hospice center near their home to make it a little easier on Mom that afternoon.
My husband caught the first plane he could on Sunday afternoon. He was to arrive by 5:30. His brother called to say that Pop had slipped into a semi-conscious state. My husband's flight was delayed for many hours and he didnt' arrive to Pop's room until 10:30 pm. Pop was in a coma. He missed talking to him by 4 hours his sister said.
My husband flew back on Wednesday and told me to get ready to head back up with our daughter. The end was near and he needed to help make arrangements. We weren't sure if we would leave Friday or Saturday.
Thursday afternoon my husband returned home early from work. His brother called from his car - he was travelling from Columbus and had called in to check on Pop's condition. Pop had passed within moments of Jim's brother calling - around 3 pm.
We left for Cinicinnati Friday morning.
The funeral was on Monday. It was a good funeral. Over 100 folks showed up. Family, friends, old coworkers, neighbors, etc. The reception was very lively with folks sharing stories about Pop. He was a joker and loved life.
When we got home Mom brought up a box from the basement. She said that Pop told her that since he missed the 4th of July, he wanted the grandkids to light the fireworks after the funeral to have a little party. Mom had met with a local police officer who lived down the street a few days earlier. She told him that Pop wanted the kids to light the firecrackers but was concerned about the township ordinances since it wasn't a holiday. "I'm sure no one will hear a thing" he said with a smile. Pop was a retired Cinicnnati Police Officer and well respected by the men and women of the force.
We all had a blast shooting off the bottle rockets, parachute men, exploding canons, chinese lanters, sparklers, poppers, smoke canons, screamers, etc! The party lasted for about 2 hours. It was just the ticket to relax and enjoy ourselves.
Now we are all back to our own lives. My husband is dealing with his loss pretty well. Mom is working to get her affairs in order. She will not be getting as much income as before and if afraid of doing some things on her own. We are all confident that she will be fine soon. We plan to help her out financially if needed. With 7 kids, a little provided by all with provide a lot for mom. Dad took the time to teach her how to handle the yard and other things as much as he could before he passed. She understands now why he did these things. There are a few things that she needs to learn, but she has 2 sons, and 4 son-in-laws nearby that can help out - and let's not forget about the 5 grandsons who are old enough to helps as well!
This is the end of my posts. Thanks for listening and I hope that this post as well as others before it will help someone. |
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brainman
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Location: Tennessee
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In
Moderator
Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1577
Location: AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 4:31 pm Post subject: Re: Update on FIL |
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dstoeck,
I'm so sadden for your terriable news. He was doing so well, It's almost liike he knew. Your Mum sounds like a strong women, and I'm sure she will be fine. It must be so hard for her. 45 years is such a long time to be with someone. The fireworks were a fantastic idea, a celebration of life.
Thinking of you and your whole Family in this hard time.
Take Care
X In
_________________
Thinking of you Inica
~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~
My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731
9 Lives and still kicking |
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dstoeck
Regular
Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Posts: 22
Location: Alabama
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| Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 8:36 pm Post subject: Re: Update on FIL |
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| Thanks. It is a shame but it is comforting to know that he is no longer in pain and not living without a stomach. |
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, The last time I heard from you he was doing so well. Give my condolences to Jim and his family.