New Diagnosis - my Mom **She's passed!!!

LizNDale · Last edited by LizNDale on Sun Sep 07, 2008 8:32 am; edited 1 time in total

My mom is 79 and has been diagonosed (currently "probable", still waiting pathology report of her bisopsy) with lung cancer, mets to adrenal gands and brain.

There is one lesion of approximately 3x3 cm. in each the right upper and left upper lobe of her lungs.

There are a number of abnormal spots in the brain. The most significant is a 3x5 cm. lesion in the right frontal lobe.

The blood work indicating liver, spleen functions, etc., and the CT scan regarding organs from the pelvis up are ok with the exception of the adrenal glands which have spots on and they are swollen.

She had a needle biopsy yesterday, and we will find out a lot more Monday or Tuesday.

She is an incredible woman with huge faith and supportive friends and family, but I am extremely scared for her. The oncologist told us, based only on the scans, that we are probably looking at Controlling, not curing.

I feel like I have a wall of water in front of me that I'm looking through, filtering everything through. Like I don't want the true impact of this to hit. I have been with her for 24 hours/day since this wild ride started, wednesday afternoon, so maybe I can't afford to let it hit yet. My brother and I went with her to see her dr Wednesday cause she's been feeling "foggy" and afraid she was entering dementia. Leaving water running, things like that. Her dr of 25 years knew within 5 minutes that this was not dementia, not depression, but something wrong in her brain. 2 hours later we were at Woodwinds hospital in Woodbury Mn having chest exray and head ct scan. We waited, dr called us and tolds us about spots in lings and brain.

Enhanced ct scans the next day, results of which with I started this post.

Sample from left lung taken Friday. As I said we'll know more Tuesday, maybe Monday.

Her blood work came back great, all other organs are clean, when dr listens to her chest, her lungs sound perfect. weird!

I've noticed things about my mom the past few months, but I chalked them all up to aging! We all did! In fact, I'd get frustrated, irritated with her when she'd just stop and not move, like she could not talk and walk at the same time. Irritated! Then I'd feel ashamed, and figure this is because she's getting old, and that it scares me to see her getting old and acting old and instead of getting scared, I'd get mad. Not mad, irritated. Geez, and all along it was this incidious disease.

Well, I'm rambling now. My husband is here, that helps. Earlier, my brother and his wife were also her when her minister came over and we prayed.

My husband and mom and I are going to play a card game. She seems to be fine. But them she has these fugue like moments were she just kind of goes away. I wonder if these are like little seizures?

Not sure what I'm looking for here, but there it is.

LizNdale

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2367

Liz,

Welcome to our community and sorry you might have a reason to be here.

You're looking for support from those who have walked this path. I know how stunning and anxiety ridden these early, pre-diagnosis days can be. Time moves excruciatingly slow and you feel like you've been hit upside the head with a 2 X 4. This information will slowly absorb and once they have made a definitive diagnosis, the treatment can begin, if that is what your Mom chooses. Looking toward fighting the cancer is a big step in the process. If she chooses not to seek treatment, that still is a decision. It's all about being caught between a rock and a hard place right now. My heart goes out to all of you. I'm glad to hear there is family around to provide support.

Keep us posted.

God bless,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

koikkeril · Super Moderator Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 352

LizNdale
Sorry Liz to hear about your mum, I just want to say hello and let you know my heart pours out to you. I know how hellish this worry is waiting for the results. It is tiring, try your best to sleep and eat well, easy said than done I know... I will keep you in my prayers and I am glad you have good family support there! Keep us updated, koik

LizNDale · Posted: Sun Jun 08, 2008 12:40 pm Post subject: Thank you

Thank you Koik and PBJ (Jif? Skippy?)

We never did play cards last night, she decided she didn't want to. I think she's afraid she'll find she can't, although she paid her bills and balanced her check book last night...

My brothers grandson was baptised today, and it was really good for us to have that, and the celebration brunch afterwords. My poor brother feels guilty, feels he has left the constant care of my mom up to me since Wednesday.. but they had these doings to prepare for, and I told him I'm sure the situation will be reversed at some point! We just really don't want to leave her alone right now. Aside from the confusion issues, we just hate the thought of her being by herself while this starts to sink in. This morning as we were getting ready for church, I heard her crying. I went to her and she said "Here I am putting my make-up on like I'm a normal person!"

I can't imagine what she's going through, how this must feel.

I love her so much, we all do.

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2367

Liz,

(Re: Jif, Skippy --- you're pretty good and the first person to catch my moniker. You get the gold star! Laughing

)

Wow -- that was a rare bit of insight into how a patient feels. So often, those of us in caregiving roles, never have that revealed to us. As close as we are to our loved ones, we never really understand what it is to HAVE cancer. God bless your Mom and thanks for sharing that with us.

I'm holding you up in prayer for strength for the results today. You are a dear daughter and your family will do well for this woman who raised you. You must make sure that it is balanced, so the full load is spread around, but it sounds like you've got a good handle on that already.

Many hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

brainman

Liz, you sound like a really empathic and caring person. Your mother is lucky to have you around. Don't beat yourself up for attributing her symptoms to age because the can indeed be very similar. I know that for a while that was the case with my mother.

Tumor in the brain can cause a lot of strange symptoms just depending on where they are. When she seems to zone out, it could be small seizures or just some other manifestation of her brain tumors. Nevertheless, my guess that most of those types of symptoms are caused by the tumors in her brain.

You should be receiving some results today. Tell us what you find out.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Twitter: @JimHawkins54

hopeinlife · Regular Joined: 13 May 2008 Posts: 17

Liz,

I am so sorry about your mom. Please hang in there. It is a difficult road and at times, it can be overwhelming. 6 months ago, my mom complaint about bone pain and unexplainable cough. Like yourself, I thought it was attributed to aging. Then it hit us last month that she have stage 4 spreading to her bones and brain.

You're right, it is a wall of water that is not so clear. Hang in there, give her your hand and as time pass, God will make it a lot better.

Lung cancer is no longer a death sentence. With the vast research and medications, it can be controlled and the best thing we can do is to return to a state of normalcy.

I wish you the best. I hope you had great news with the test results. God bless your mom.

helensgirl

Diddo on Hope's post!!!! Couldn't possibly have conveyed my sentaments any better...Take care and keep the faith! Kim in NC
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

LizNDale · Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:57 pm Post subject: Results

Wow, thank you all. I am on nokia phone and not used to txtng, so may be brief. Results stg 4 nsclc mets to adrenals and brain. Numerous brain lesions. Start whole brain rad monday, 5 d/w, 3 weeks. She wants chemo for lungs. 4 sessions 3 weeks apart. Dr advised would extend life weeks or months only. My brothers and i don't think she realizes she might not have much time left and hate the thought of her spending so much of it suffering thru chemo. When we met w oncolg ystdy mom did not ask how much time, so neither did we. Thoughts?

brainman

Liz, my heart goes out to you Sad

. Your mother really does have a difficult choice. Do you think you can help her understand it better? Whatever choice she makes she should make it understanding all the possible out comes.

Fortunately, when my mother found out she had cancer, she was still able to understand and make her own choice. Her choice for no treatment was so much easier to accept since it has her decision.

You and your mother and family and in my thoughts and prayers as you make this decision.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Twitter: @JimHawkins54

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2367

Liz,

Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear this news for your Mom. It sounds like they are offering the recommended first line treatment with what you have described.

I see what a conundrum you and the family are in. Can the doctor's determine if she is understanding both options of treatment vs. no treatment and what each will do for her? She really needs to be the one to make the choice, but without knowing how clearly she understands the outcomes, it's a tough call. The doctors need to sit down with her and explain that this is an incurable situation and that the expectations will be that her life will only be extended through treatment. The family should not be placed in the position of being the "bad guys" by delivering this news.

Please call the doc and insist they explain and assess her mental condition and grasp of the situation. After that, you can talk to her about decisions.

OR

You could also proceed with the radiation in hopes that, by killing of the mets, it will clear her thinking abilities in time, so that she can determine whether she wants to go ahead with chemo.

Again, I'm sorry about this diagnosis. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. What a rough time for your family. Please have hope --- she may respond well to treatment and studies have shown that older people handle chemotherapy as well as younger people. It is not quite the hell, for most people, that we have in our minds from the old days.

Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

LizNDale · Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject: Results

You folks are all so awesom, each with your own personal challenges and jourmeys and still you have the energy and compassion to lift up me and others. God bless you all. I'll know I've entered a new stage when I can do the same. Still ö my cell - Dale and I are up at our cabin on a small lake neap Spooner Wis, and brought mom with us. So good for her - relaxing on pontoon, listening to the loons, laughing at the dog - just what she needs. Us too! Earlier she started talking about "if i don't survive..." so i know she's not in complete denial. A bit later I said "You know how you were telling me about 'if you don't survive this', well it concerns us that if your time is limited, you're going to spend so much of it sick from chemo". She very matter of factly said "if it's too much for me, I'll stop!" From some of the things she shared with me, I'm beginning to think she's trying to protect US more she is not grasping the potential truth.

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2367

Hi Liz,

Good for all of you to be taking a break. I'm happy to hear that there is some discussion happening without it being forced. You're Mom is one smart cookie. That was how my husband approached each treatment, give it a chance, if he didn't like it, forget about it.

There is also a very delicate "dance" that family members go through with each other in how they communicate about outcomes. No one ever says the obvious, but do say things like your Mom's "if I don't survive". We said "if you're ever not around someday" and things like that. Everyone loves each other so much that both the patient and the family members seek to protect each other.

I'm glad that you've had an "aha" moment with your Mom and a better understanding of how she is feeling post-diagnosis.

Enjoy the weekend --- no more rain! You sound much better than your last post.

PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

brainman

Liz, wow!! Talking to your mother like you did took inner fortitude that few of us have. I remember talking with both of my parents and how hard is was for me to get the first word out Smile

.

I am not sure if your mother is trying to protect you. She might be. However, what I mainly her is your mother keeping control of her own life. Trust your mother to make the right treatment decisions. As she said, she will know when enough is enough.

You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Twitter: @JimHawkins54

LizNDale · Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:25 pm Post subject: Back home

Back home, how nice to type on an actual keyboard!

We had an absolutely wonderful weekend, going hours sometimes where we even forgot for a while!

Brainman and PBJ, thanks for your kind words.

Brainman, I think you are correct and I love how you say "...your mother keeping control of her own life. Trust your mother to make the right treatment decisions." You are so right, and I quoted to you my brother. He said that is beautiful.

PBJ, your description of the "dance" is so right-on. And sometimes the lead changes from minute to minute!

Tomorrow is the big day, day 1 of wbrad, I am so excited I can hardly stand it. I'm trying not to set myself up, but we are very hopeful that these treatments will work, shrink those lesions, and give her back her sparkle and sharpness. For a 79 year old, (heck, for any age!) she is very active and very creative. Her health is excellent. She does aerobics twice a week, weaves beautiful baskets, sews incredible quilts, does beadwork and stamping - and she has felt like doing none of that the last few weeks.

Say, for now the dr has her not driving (she was stopping at red lights, and then not doing anything when the light would turn green). Is it possible for the rad treatments to be so successful that she could start driving again?

Take care, and thanks again -

Liz

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