Update - My mom

caligirl · Regular Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 34

Thanks you guys for the replies. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply - however things changed very quickly...
My mom was having a wonderful time at the beach until she fell getting up in the morning to use the bathroom. Got a call yesterday morning from her friend that they were at the ER. Rushed up there and turns out she not only broke her hip but also T3 (thoracic spine). We spent the night in the hospital and then had her transfered to San Diego Hospice inpatient facility.
It was awful. We decided against surgery as she might not even make it and they would have to give her blood thinners and still not be ambulatory for 4-6 weeks. I hate this disease and fell so sorry for my mom who was really happy and enjoying herself......Also hard not to be angry that they left her alone down stairs when I have been sleeping on the couch next to her for 5 months to prevent this......
Well - going back up to spend the night with her....
Thanks for lettig me vent

Tera · Experienced user Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 99

Bless her heart. That is heartbreaking. I would be angry too. And I know how careful you must have watched her....I did the same with my mom. Walked every step with her. I left her alone only a handful of times for a very short while with her promising to stay in her chair. found out after she passed away that she took a tumble in the kitchen while I was gone for a couple of hours to do some shopping for her. Her best friend just happened to go over there and found her and helped her up. Mom didn't want her to tell me. Diana told me after mom died and I cried like a baby. Diana said that mom knew I wouldn't leave her side if I had known and I was like "Well DUH!!"

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 792

Caligirl,

I'm so very sorry that things have gone wrong in such a bad way for your dear mom. I too rarely left my husband's side and was very protective of him, so I fully understand your angst at other's not being careful enough. Darn it -- I hate to think of the pain your mom has been through but hope they are controlling it with appropriate meds.

You are such a dear daughter and you need to know that your care will come back as a blessing and comfort to you in the days ahead.

Please keep us posted. Warm thoughts sent being sent to you and your mom.

Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

caligirl · Regular Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 34

Hi all -
We are hoping and praying that she can stay there a while longer but they are managing her pain much better....and it will be much harder when she comes home, so I think she is a little nervous...
As always, her spirits are good. She has not had one ounce of self pity "why me". She sees this as a blessing that she has time to prepare. She says we are all going to die - we just dont know when. AT least it is not a sudden heart attack and she gets the priviledge or doing the things and seeing the people that she needs to...
Coincidentally, me ex-step father's sister in law is also at the same hospital with the same diagnosis.....
God is giving my mom closure with all of those people and that she hasn't seen in years and wouldn't have probably.....
All our visitors are going back from the 2 different rooms.....
Will keep you updated........

helensgirl · Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:26 pm Post subject: Re: Update - My mom

Caligirl,
I am so happy that your mom is at peace with the time that she has. But at the same time, I am so sorry that you too must travel this road...It's so very hard, but you can count on us for support and kind words in this forum. Between Brainman and Pbj, we also have some pretty knowledgeable people in here who can help with medical issues. Please take care, and I'll be sending you positive thoughts and heartfelt prayers. Kim in NC
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

Lore · Regular Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 19

Hi caligirl....how is your mom doing?

Lore

caligirl · Regular Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 34

Not too good - but thank you for asking. She came home from Hospice inpatient on Tues. night (week ago). It has been physically very hard with both the hip and back fractured (and I am 39 and very strong and have had a lot of wonderful help). Seems like one thing after another from bladder spasms that leaked all over to spilling coke all over her to injuring my knee out, etc.
She seems to be healing pretty good from the hip. She is able now to scoot herself a little in bed to get herself comfortable. However, she is sleeping a lot (maybe 20 hours a day) and is waking up and keeps asking if she is dying and how will she know. But she is still eating and drinking a lot. Kinda strange - in ne minute she is talking about getting up into a wheel chair in the next couple weeks and in another breath - dying.
The Hospice Dr. and nurse are coming to evaluate her today at 3:00. But is seems like they don't really know anything until you are right there at the end.....
My dear aunt passed away on Fri. also of the same thing. Services will be Fri. Her daughter said it was a very peaceful death.

Lore · Regular Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 19

caligirl, I'm so sorry to hear of your Aunt's passing. What a terribly difficult time this must be for you!

Her sleeping could be part of the healing process of her injuries. But I will say that my mom was similar when she first started experiencing pain from her cancer. She slept so much I worried about her. She was on pain pills (Vicodin) and that's alot of what kept her sleeping so much. If your mom is on any pain pills, that probably has something to do with it as well. If she is still eating and drinking "normally", that is a good sign.

Good luck with her evaluation today. I'll be thinking of you and your mom. Please let me know how it goes Smile

helensgirl · Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 4:02 pm Post subject: Re: Update - My mom

So sorry to read of your aunt's passing. Prayers and good thoughts your way...Kim
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

caligirl · Regular Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 34

Hello all!
My mom is still hanging in there but I'm afraid that we are nearing the end...
She has developed all these purple spots on her the last few weeks and they are getting worse.....I researched and finally figured out that they are something caused by liver involvement (confirmed by the Hospice nurse). She is having signs of failure (the rash, abdominal swelling, some yellowing and swelling of her feet) but they are not severe. So, obviously it has metastasised to the liver now. She already had it in her brain on diagnosis in Oct. and in the bone by March. She is sleeping more and more and had no desire to try to get up today at all and her urine output has decreased. Not awake much at all. She is very comfortable.
Does anyone know how long this stage lasts? I know everyone is different but I mean typically...
Sheias still eating and drinking but that has also decreased.
I was able to get her into a chair for my daughters brthday and mothers day last weekend and several times this week but today she has no desire -way too tired
Her blood pressure is also lower -seems like a change today -but who knows if she is just having a bad day??!!
It's so hard to live this way beacause if I knewthat I had several weeks then I would need to keep working but if I knew it was this week than I would stop work to be with her during her last days......
Iknow that we are at the end before "The end" but it is so hard not knowing how long this stage will last....
She says that she is going to keep parrtying til the end and having fun with her friends and family till she gets to go to the "real party" in Heaven.
She has always been incredibly strong in her Christian faith. It doesnt surpirse me by her attitude but continues to amaze me. She calls her broken hip and back a "minor setback". Like her best friend says "She taught me how to live and now she's teaching me how to die"........
So happy to be home with her for the weekend and to not worry while at work about how she is doing.......

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 792

Caligirl,

Thanks for the update on your Mom. What a source of strength she is for you and I'm sure you are a constant source of comfort to her. No one can tell how long this stage lasts. My own mother went for a month with low BP, sometimes down to 40/20, which was pretty shocking to rally from. I know the tension of waiting is horrible, but if she's being kept comfortable, that's more time with her and not an abrupt end. It's hard either way and you're doing fine with how you are handling things. The big sign for us was when my husband's and my father's kidneys shut down. That is definitely hours before they pass. All three were cancer related losses.

God bless and hopes for many more memories together.

PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

simplyklb · Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 2:02 pm Post subject: Re: Update - My mom

caligirl,
Thinking about you and your Mom today. I know that I draw my strength from my parents. They gave me great coping skills.

Kristi

ksplat · Posted: Sat May 17, 2008 5:55 pm Post subject: Re: Update - My mom

Dear Caligirl

My prayers & thoughts are with you. I have been following yr Mom's story, her amazing strength & your love & dedication have been an inspiration to me.

God bless, Angie.
_________________
Brother has GBMIV
Diagnosed Feb 07
46 Yrs young!
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

caligirl · Regular Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 34

Roller coaser for sure.
Wed. was my birthday. Mom woke up great and clear, gave me my birthday gift - then started to fade away. It's like she was holding out for my birthday.
By 2 0' clock, she was non-responsive - Dr. was here, opened her eye, shined the light - nothing.
About an hour later - she woke up - not clear but woke up. The last few days she goes in and out - but is failing for sure. Don't know how long this can last, but I have stopped working and am here at her side.
She is still a crackup - laughing at herself when she says things wrong and still (as always) talking about food and what she going to eat!! Even called herself a "goofball". She wakes up an thanks God and prays for us.
I am savoring every moment I have with the most amazing individual that I have ever met and have the priveldge of calling "mom".
Unfortunately there has been some nastiness with her best friend butting into things, talking behind my back and clearly overstepping her boundaries (I intercepted an email in which she said some real nasty things) She needs to look at her own issues.
My mom would be so sad that any of that was said and would not want any added stress for me - so I will suck it up till mom passes (for mom), as I know that she would not want her excluded. I will continue to allow her to visit, but it is difficult not to say anything to her. Funny thing, she justifies things by "my mom's wishes" or "God told her" - Mom's wish would be that I was protected and that everyone got along.....
I am putting it all aside and will not let anything rob me of my last days with my mom and the beauty of her death.
She is completely comfortable, at peace and happy. There is still a stream of people in and out and mom loves all her visitors.
I will continue to pray that she does not suffer and thank God for making this very peaceful.......
Will keep you posted.......

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 792

Caligirl,

Once again you and your mom amaze me with the strength and maturity of thought. You are a source of light for everyone here who is following your mom's journey. I'm sure this is far harder than you admit to, but you are willing to sacrifice your own feelings to keep things together. I have to say that we became very select as the end neared and closed ranks with immediate family only, for both my mother and my husband. Please try and protect yourself and don't waste any energy on the friend issue

God bless and I hope your mom remains comfortable. You make sure you are getting the rest you need too.

Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

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