I Lost My Mom

Lore · Regular Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 19

I have been lurking in these forums for a few months now, since my mom's diagnosis. It has really helped me to understand her disease and how I can best help her as well as what I might expect.

I lost my mom a week ago to this awful disease. She had alot of trouble breathing for about a week. Went to the Dr, they put her on an antibiotic thinking it was a lung infection, and sent her home. The following day it was so bad she went to the E.R. At that point, her oxygen saturation level was at 77%...dangerously low. They sent her home with oxygen 24/7. Her saturation level stayed between 90 and 100% with the oxygen, but her breathing was rapid literally all of the time. 4 days after she went to the ER, she followed up with her regular Dr who recommended hospitalization for further testing and more agressive treatment. They weren't sure if it was the cancer or something else causing it at this point. So off to the hospital we go and she was admitted. They put her on a ventilating oxygen mask (it helped force more air into her lungs). The kept her saturation levels up. She had a bronchospy done the following morning (Friday). The doctor said he wouldn't have results for a couple of days. They kept her on the antibiotics on an IV and kept her on the oxygen. They also had her on morphine for throat pain from the bronchospy. Througout the day her breathing was more and more rapid. By early evening, the Resp therapist was concerned she would not survive the night. This alarmed me terribly because no one at that point had made any mention that she could be dying. I talked to the ward doctor (she was in the oncology ward) and he expressed similar concerns and said we should be prepared to "make some tough decisions" that night. By 10pm, my mom was gone. We were with her and in shock. We never thought she would not leave the hospital that night. But she did not pass from the cancer; she passed from pneumonia. She was just too sick to fight it off.

I am not yet prepared to ask all the questions that should be asked; why didn't they identify pneaumonia earlier, etc. It really doesn't matter now. Asking the questions won't change a thing and perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. She only had a few months left by best "guesstimates" and I suspect those few months would have been in and out of the hospital, filled with pain and illness and she did not want to go thru that.

I miss my mom terribly. I have been very depressed this week, sleeping most of the time. I have to go back to work tomorrow and now sure how I will get thru it with all the "I'm so sorry", etc from everyone there that cares. I will take it one day at a time for however long it takes. My best friend is gone, and I will always miss her and think of her. I'm so sad. Crying or Very sad

Anyway, I needed to get that out. Thanks for listening. These forums have been, and continue to be, a tremendous help to me.

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 871

Lore,

My sincere sympathy on the unexpected loss of your Mom. I know how much you are hurting. I pray for God's comfort to be with you to give you strength in the busy days ahead.

You Mom's passing sounds very familiar to me. My husband had a combination of lung infection, cancer, and heart issues, with sudden onset, that caused his end. I know it's hard to see this through your pain, but how they both went was a blessing in disguise. As bad as the unexpected turn of breathing events are, they didn't have months of lingering pain. I remain grateful for that to this day. I know it doesn't make the pain of their loss any less.

Come back for support, hugs, and we'll try to help you through your questions.

Again, I'm very sorry.

Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 118

Lore, I am sorry to hear about your mom's passing. It is so hard, I know. It is hard to go back to work but it could be what you need to give your life some normalcy. It definitely helped me. Your caring co-workers will help you through it.

caligirl · Regular Joined: 07 Apr 2008 Posts: 36

I also am so sorry and will pray for you in these hard days to come....
Unfortunately, I will also be in your position soon and can totally relate to what you are going soon....
Again - my deepest simpathy........

staceym · New User Joined: 01 Jan 2008 Posts: 8

Lore, I just had the same exact thing happen to my mom.She died April 5 around lunchtime.She was diagnosed in January with a correct biopsy of lung cancer.She started treatment with chemo and radiation weekly.Her esophogus shrunk because of the radiation,which the doctors said there would be no side effects with the radiation.She couldn't eat without horrible pain.Tuesday,1, the radiation doctor told my mom that the tumor was gone.She called all of us and was so excited even though still in pain,she believed him.We all knew different.On that Friday,April 4,she went in for radiation,the doctor put her in the hospital for observation for a touch of pnemonia.We weren't notified until that evening late, and only because she went down so fast.When I got to the hospital she didn't even know we were there and she was gasping for breath.They kept her doped up with morphine and she died the next morning with all of us there.I am still so angry because I feel the doctors messed her up extremely.We were all shocked just as you were so I definitely feel your pain and anger.if you ever need to talk my email address is mortons1@aol.com.I will be thinking about you and praying for peace because that is what I am trying to do but it is extremely hard.I am so sorry.I still feel someone is accountable for this and to me it is the doctors.They painted such a great picture for my mom and gave her unrealistic hope and I guess that is what makes me upset.Again I am so sorry.

Lore · Regular Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 19

Thank you all for your comforting words. I did go back to work today and yes, it was really hard. You know how it is; everyone wants to hug you, offer sympathies and of course they want to know what happened. They, like I, thought she was doing ok. But, I'm glad that first day back is over with and I can get on with things at work.

I am going to take it a day at a time.

Caligirl, I read your story and I could so relate. I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Feel free to email me if you need a shoulder.

Staceym, I also read your story. I'm sorry for what you are going through right now. I also wondered if everything had been done, but after being with her and watching her struggle and watching the nurses and doctors, I do believe they did everything they could. I hope that you can find some peace soon. It's hard enough to lose someone so dear, but to have to live thru it every day is wrenching.

Thank you again everyone.

brainman · Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 11:37 pm Post subject: Re: I Lost My Mom

Lore, I am so very sorry about your mother's death. I have lost both of my parents to cancer. I know how painful it was for me so I can understand how hard it must be for you.

You are in me thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

atpeace7 · New User Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 7

Lore,

Terribly sorry about your mom's passing.

I truly appreciate the time you spent telling us about it though.

I will be more on guard for my own mom.

To this, I thank you immensely.

You are a beacon of light in a very evil world.

God bless!

Lore · Regular Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 19

Thank you atpeace7. You are very kind. My best to you and your mom.

Lore

helensgirl · Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 9:44 am Post subject: Re: I Lost My Mom

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mom...I know just how it is and where you are right now...I lost my mom on December 14th...very similarly to how your mom passed. Take care of yourself, and know that we care immensely about you and your situation. Kim in NC
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

Donitta · Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:08 pm Post subject: Condolences to you

Hi Lore,
I know it's been almost a couple of months since you lost your mom. It doesn't get easier does it? Just different, kind of an empty feeling. I lost my mom a few months ago in a similar way. She died from an infection after a series of 3 heart attacks during chemo. It was up and down for several months. She was given a year long prognosis so I certainly wasn't ready to lose her after 3 months of being diagnosed.

She had SCLC that had spread to liver and lymph nodes. We had a 3 1/2 hour drive to the hospital the day she died and we of course didn't think she was going to die. I think your mind just goes into shock.

People at my work were very understanding and I am sure you felt the same support. Amazing how people you least expect are there for you and sensitive. I think the only thing worse than losing a parent is losing a child. I have built some new relationships with some friends that didn't exist before so that is pretty positive.

Anyhow, I just wanted you to know I share your feelings, thoughts, and although I am thankful that my mom is no longer suffering I miss her a great deal. I think this first year will be a challenge as every holiday and special event comes and goes. It's important to have supportive people here in the forum, a place you know you can turn to for comfort.

You are in my thoughts, and know that your mom is with you, just in a different way.
-Donitta

Lore · Regular Joined: 12 Apr 2008 Posts: 19

Hi Donitta...thank you so much for your kind words. No, it certainly hasn't gotten much better yet. Sometimes I miss her so much it hurts and there is not a day that passes that I don't think "oh...I have to call Mom" and then realize, once again, that she's gone.

A month after my mom passed, my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer. After the shock passed, my first thought was "I have to call mom...I have to talk to her about this". Boy was that a rough evening!

Yes, my work was very understanding as well thank God, and they continue to be. I always try to keep in mind that people only "understand" for so long, but they continue to be very supportive.

Mother's Day as really rough. Her birthday is in a couple of months. This death stuff sure is hard!

Thanks again Donitta. It's nice to hear from one that can relate so well Smile

Lore

helensgirl · Posted: Fri Jun 06, 2008 6:25 pm Post subject: Re: I Lost My Mom

Lore,
My mom's been gone for about 6 months now, and it still hurts so bad on a daily basis. But I'm glad that she's no longer in the agony that this horrible disease can cause---well actually in her case, it was the agony that the chemo caused that was so bad. I'm afraid it did a whole lot more harm than good for my mom. Anyway, I so know how you're feeling...God bless, and know she's still with you. Kim in NC
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

koikkeril · Senior User Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 201

Lore,
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the lost of your mum. I can understand how much pain you are in. I hope you will continue to use this site to help yourself grieve and share your experiences with others.
I would like to mention perhaps it was Gods will to take your loving mum quickly and not letting her suffer for a long time. Although this is so sad for you because you want all those minutes to continue, it is an awful disease to watch your dear one continually suffer.
I am thinking of you at your sad time and shall keep you in my prayers
God Bless you, koik

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