Is Dad's End Nearing?

Lorri · New User Joined: 21 Mar 2008 Posts: 8

Hello,

I've been reading the posts here...what a wonderful group of people. It's comforting to read about those who have gone through this.
My Dad was recently diagnosed (3/10) with Stage IV lung cancer and given 3-6 months to live. His doctor advised against chemo because he feels Dad's final days would not be quality ones.
Dad is 77 and smoked for about 70 of those years. He has emphysema, diabetes, suffered 2 strokes, had heart surgery and more.
We have looked into Tarceva and he should be starting this within a couple of weeks. (Luckily for us, the VA will be covering it). Although the doctor has said it is less than 5% effective, we feel that with the 4 weeks it will take to determine if it has helped at all, he will have had 6 weeks of maybe even a little bit of hope and something to lift his spirits which is better than 6 weeks of despair.

[i]His condition: [/i]- On oxygen 24/7
- taking nebulizer treatments every 4 hours
- breathing is becoming markedly worse over the past week-very labored
- On/off sleeping day and night even with sleeping pills
- Hardly eating
- Increasingly weak
- Not in any pain
- Very depressed/has been given 10 mg Lexapro

Dad was never much of a talker but I thought he would want to talk about "it" a little. He doesn't at all but sits on a recliner chair all day and night. He turns on the TV for a short while and then wants it off. Sometimes he holds his head in his hands and our hearts are breaking. (He and my mom have an in-law apt at my sister's house but he is staying in my sister's house now) I go there during the week and stay overnight to give them a break. I've asked him if he wants to talk but he always says no. Do some people really want to be left alone with their thoughts rather than talking about them when they know they are going to die? We were always incredibly close but I feel helpless. Can anyone offer any suggestions? Does it sound like his end is near?
Sorry for the rambling but it felt good to share this. Any thoughts are appreciated. We'd like to make the best of the little time he has left. Thanks so much,
Lorri

ksplat · Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 7:04 am Post subject: Is Dad's End Nearing?

Hello Lorrie
I am really sorry to hear about your Dad's current condition & poor prognosis. I wanted to let you know my prayers & thoughts are with you. It's great that your family is close & that you can share the care of your Dad.
He may or may not open up to you about his feelings? Don't feel too let down by that. I can well imagine the depression & despair he must be feeling. Just ensure you keep the communication lines open & reassure him that you are there for him if he needs to talk.
Has there been any talk among you about what action to take if your Dad's condition worsens. Perhaps you could open the conversation by asking him about his wishes?
When my Dad was dying he wasn't able to communicate but I continued to speak to him, read him poetry & prayed to him. I felt comforted sharing these times with my Dad.
Share your thoughts with your Dad even if he's reluctant to talk, this may be the catalyst he needs to open up.
Once again thinking of you.
Cheers, Angie.
_________________
Brother has GBMIV
Diagnosed Feb 07
46 Yrs young!
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

brainman · Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 7:24 am Post subject: Re: Is Dad's End Nearing?

Lorri, I am so sorry about your father's lung cancer Sad

. It is so hard to adjust to the fact that someone we love has cancer. Both of my parents died due to cancer. I was their primary care provider for the last months of their lives. I agree with Angie, if your father is not a talker, then maybe you could initiate the conversation. I imagine that you have things you would like to tell him or questions you would like to ask. Getting him to take a walk down "memory lane" might open up a conversation about more present day concerns.

You and your father are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 1026

Hi Lorri,

I'm sorry about your Dad as it does sound like the cancer is progressing by the new symptoms you describe. Let's hope that the Tarceva works for him and produces more time and chases back these symptoms. My husband also was doing the whole oxygen, nebulizer, bad sleeping thing.

Your Dad is in shock still from the diagnosis and, being from that generation, he probably doesn't want to talk a lot about this stuff. My husband was about 10 years younger and we never talked about him dying, much less him discussing this with our adult children. We just developed a fight mindset and kept cranking.

I'd suggest reading some of the following post to help you feel your way through this:
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8916&start=0

It may give you some insight.

God bless and hang in there sweetie,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Lorri · New User Joined: 21 Mar 2008 Posts: 8

Hello,
Dad started experiencing some shoulder pain last night. He seems to think it is because of the cancer. Is this something anyone has heard of? I know it could be many different things but I'm wondering if this is known as a common pain with cancer.
Thanks...again!
Lorri

brainman · Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 8:40 am Post subject: Re: Is Dad's End Nearing?

Lorri, does your father think the pain is in his shoulder bone or muscles? Lung cancer frequently does metastasize to the bones but rarely to muscles. If it has spread to the bones in his shoulder that could account for the pain. However, as you know, the pain could be caused by a lot of there things. Make sure his medical team knows about the new development. They might be able to help at least to control the pain.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 1026

Lorri,

It's scary because every single ache and pain for a cancer patient becomes "it's the cancer" for them.

Shoulder/upper back pain is fairly common and can signal deeper tumor growth in the lung, pleural effusion, loculation, or bone mets. The lungs cover such a big area that pain in the front or back can be from the tumors.

I sure hope it's just a simple "ache and pain" of getting older for your Dad's sake. We were told that if pain can be controlled by taking tylenol, then it wasn't likely cancer related. Pain from cancer doesn't tend to go away with simple over the counter pain-killers.

Hope this helped.

Bless you and your Dad,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

helensgirl · Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 4:39 pm Post subject: Re: Is Dad's End Nearing?

Hi,
My mom wasn't a big talker either. She did initiate a conversation about what we were planning for her celebration of life when the time came. I initiated some conversation with her about what a wonderful mom she had been, and that I felt like I had the best childhood possible. When she became unable to speak, I would just sit holding her hand, telling her how beautiful and wonderful she was, and that I appreciated her. Just try to take a trip down memory lane with your father, as has been suggested, and above all, let him know how much you love him. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, Kim
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

Tera · Senior User Joined: 31 Dec 2007 Posts: 161

Lorri, ditto what they said about the trips down memory lane. My mom didn't discuss it much either but we sure had a great conversation one night before she could no longer talk, taking the memory lane route. We both really enjoyed that and I'm willing to bet your dad will too.

Another reason he may not be talking could be he doesn't want to upset you and your family anymore than he knows you already are. Our loved ones want to protect us too.

I know it is hard. Hang in there. Sending a hug.

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