Has it changed you?

Davidseoul · New User Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 1

I know of course it has changed everyone!

Before the doctors found my tumor, which was really lucky! I was just basically cruising threw life and by cruising I don't mean in a positive way. I guess what I'm saying is that I questioned my life a lot and asked an easy question. If, this was it could I say I'm happy with my life.

Well, I guess I should say it has turned out to be benign. I did however, have a lot of scares and time to think. I was living abroad in a foreign country and dealing with doctors and nurse that couldn't speak English. So, I was in the dark even more finding out whether my tumor was aggressive or benign until I track down my surgeon 3 1/2 weeks later.

The thing is now...my life is back to normal, but I'm not the same. I've changed my goals, my wants and my desires for life. Guess having the feeling that this could be it....made me more focused. I view my tumor as a blessing in a way. Now, I'm realizing that I'm in a marriage that is unhappy and maybe isn't for me.....

Right now I'm dealing with problems of trying to keep some parts of my old life, changing some other parts and I guess tossing aside other parts I don't feel are for me anymore.

Does anyone else out there have some sort of experience like this etc...

Corvette · Regular Joined: 13 Nov 2007 Posts: 29 Location: North GA

Heck yes, it changed me a lot. I'm still me but I think in a different way. Death never entered into the picture before but I think about it every day now. The odds of my cancer returning are very high. Every little ache and pain is a concern. I wish I could retire to enjoy with my wife the rest of my life doing the things we were going to do after retirement. I hope the cancer never comes back but realistically I probably won't live much past retirement. I think the longer I live cancer free the easier it will be but if it does come back I'll probably have a meltdown.

It has changed my wife too as you might expect. My employer didn't expect me to come back to work and they hired someone else but I came back and found out everybody hates me for running their insurance up. I think they would like to fire me but are afraid to. I have been demoted and my pay cut but I still do the same job and have the same responsibilities. It is a very stressful situation and that is exactly what I need to avoid.

All I can say is make the best of what life you have.
_________________
Wayne
Male 56 years old
NHL Folicular Large Cell
Two years of Chemo followed by a SCT
Cancer free for almost two and a half years!

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