Lost my mum 2 months ago.

sleepyhead · Regular Joined: 20 Jan 2008 Posts: 12

Hi - am new to this site and not really too sure where to start.

I'm 20 years old, and am in my final year at university. Everything in 2007 was going well for me, until around Nov time. My mum had been suffering with indigestion and heart burn for a few months, but thought it was due to spicy foods etc. This continued and then led to an uncomfortable pain in her side. She very quickly became very weak, unable to eat - me and my family became very concerned about her. She had been to the hospital for checks, ultrasounds, and even and endescope which had shown nothing - only a suggestion of gail stones.

One weekend, she became so very weak, we took her to A&E and they saw her, and before we knew it she was on a ward being monitored (this was a Saturday) On the sunday evening, she was rushed in intensive care due to kidney failure. On the monday she was rushed for a CT scan and was disgnosed with cancer of the pancreas and secondary liver cancer. Her body began to shut down and she passed away on the Monday night. She was only 59.

We had no idea, that she had cancer, or that it would take her from us so quickly. Its been 2 months now and I'm not coping very well at all. I can hardly sleep, and cry alot even though I know neither of these things will bring her back. She was my best friend, and I feel so lost now that she is gone. My eyes are welling up as I write this. I have no idea how to cope with this - I feel like I had no time to get my head around the fact that she was suffering with cancer let alone that shes died. I've tried talking to my dad and my brother but find it so hard to express how I'm feeling about mum without breaking down.

I try and talk to my boyfriend, but I just cant. I end up sitting with him just crying. Its not fair to him I know. I just feel like I cant cope with this -esp. not on my own.

Any advice would be helpful, thanks.

Rhia x

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 648 Location: UK

Oh, Rhia, I am so sorry - such a shock for you all. It is always hard to come to terms with death, especially when it is so unexpected.

You really need professional help - either your doctor or the university may be able to refer you to a counsellor.

Others may have better ideas, but this is a step you may like to consider.

In · Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 3:38 am Post subject: Re: Lost my mum 2 months ago.

Rhia- I'm so sadden and sorry about your sad news.

It's so hard when it seems so unexpected, to lose someone so special and close. I think vee's advice is very important, you do need some help. Sometimes someone thats not so close to you, can help you more. Think about this advice- I'm sure your uni can help you with a free counsellor.
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sleepyhead · Regular Joined: 20 Jan 2008 Posts: 12

Thank you both for your kind words. I had thought about a counseller, but am wary of going.

xx

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 648 Location: UK

Please, don't be - you need to talk to someone, and a bereavement counsellor really will be better than no-one.

rachel26 · Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: Re: Lost my mum 2 months ago.

I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my mom four months ago to pancreatic cancer. I'm only 26, my mom was 65. She was my very best friend and I have such a hard time dealing with her death. We had no idea she had this cancer either, until it was too late. She was diagnosed in june and she passed in september.
Mom always wanted a grandchild. She had waited so long for one, and finally I was able to give her a granddaughter, but she only got to enjoy her for two years. It really breaks my heart every time I look at my daughter. I Know the pain of losing her will never go away, but I have found my strength to get through in God. I also think you should talk to someone, like you, I can't talk to my dad and brother either.
You will be in my prayers, and feel free to ask me anything, if I can help in any way I will be happy to.

sleepyhead · Regular Joined: 20 Jan 2008 Posts: 12

Hi Guys,

Just thought I would pop on and let you know how I'm getting on. I've returned to uni and feeling better.
I went and saw the student counceller, who helped me to see where I was. I only went once - and I cried and let everything out about my mum. How I felt, everything. It helped in that way to get it all off my chest. Apart from that I didn't really get anything out of it. Perhaps I expected too much, I'm not sure. She didn't really offer any advice, told me she couldn't. She said it might help if I kept coming to her and doing the same every week -crying and talking about mum. It made me see that going over and over it, will not help me. Before I made sure I spent alot of time thinking about my mum - I would sit and think about her. I've realised now I don't need to do this, I think about her uncousicously. I don't need to force it. It has really helped, and it has made me see I need to more forward. Although I am not in any way over what has happened, realising that I can have my life AND grieve over my mum has really helped. Its made me feel happier in myself, and more focused on my own life.

Thanks to the people who gave advice, it really helped.

Rhia xxx

In · Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 5:48 am Post subject: Re: Lost my mum 2 months ago.

Rhia,

I'm so happy to hear from you. It's great to see you are moving foward in a positive way. Your Mum would be so proud of you. At least you went to get help, and i surpose in a way, it did help.

Thanks for the update.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 648 Location: UK

I too am so glad that you have found your way forward. All the very best wishes for your future.

ang569 · Regular Joined: 21 Nov 2007 Posts: 11

I am soo sorry for you. I know how you feel as I lost my Mom on february 12th. I got to be with her when she made her transition, and even though it was hard for me, I am glad for her that I was able to be with her. This is by far, the most difficult thing I have experienced in my life.

I tell you what has helped me. I stumbled on www.near-death.com and it has helped me so much. I believe that my Mother lead me to this because I cannot communicate on her level. My Mom was my best friend and I was the reason she fought so long and hard so I refuse to believe she is not still communicating with me in some way.

Feel free to instant message me or PM me, if you like. my email is ang569@hotmail.com

hang in there.

Angela

Little · New User Joined: 06 Apr 2008 Posts: 2 Location: changable

Hi everyone. I have lost my mom one year ago, she had a liver cancer. I can't handle with this... I keep on moving, trying to get trough it but I can't, I miss her.. Everything seems to be normal, I'm going to school and with friends, and I know that I want to live and to realise my dreams, but my mom is gone and I just don't know what to do... Sometimes I feel really bad, thinking that I'll never feel happy again, I miss her very much..And bad memories of hospital, of her death makes me feel very scared. If somebody would like to make a frendship, or to talk with me, maybe somebody who have the same problem, please write me, on msn, or mail asik_dance@yahoo.com
Joan

florist · Guest

I too lost my aunt to liver cancer and my Dad with another type. I could not imagine though the pain for someone your age. Being a Mom myself and knowing the love you had for her - I am sure your Mom's last wish was that God would send someone your way to help you through your grief and be God's hands to hold you until you are walking without the fear again.

I pray that even as you open this post you feel a miracle of peace like a river - and ask that God send someone to comfort you. I also pray a covering of protection from anyone on the internet that would try to harm you in any way. I pray God remove the memory of the ordeal and replace it with the good times you shared with your Mom, even if it is Little by Little each day.

Your love towards your Mom shows that she raise a wonderful child, one that will make it through this hard time. Your post may say Little but from what I have read, you are a Mighty wonderful Little.

Cinda

florist · Guest

I am very sorry to hear about your loss and might suggest calling Hospice councelor. They are wonderful and will walk you through steps to understand grief and check on you. They are free and each group in our area are wonderful. After my Mom and Dad died they checked with me and wrote me wonderful letters.

I will also pray and hope this helps.

Cinda

Little · New User Joined: 06 Apr 2008 Posts: 2 Location: changable

Cinda, thank You for warm words Smile

I hope I will get throug somehow, but I don't want to forget my mom...

PS- somebody, have sent me a private message today or yesterday Unfortunatly, I don't know why, I can't read it ... Please write me e-mail asik_dance@yahoo.com
Joan

brainman · Posted: Thu Apr 10, 2008 5:21 pm Post subject: Re: Lost my mum 2 months ago.

Joan, unfortunately, we have members who use the PM system to spam other members. I do not recommend publishing your email for that very reason. But if you are willing to put up with spam, there is no rule against publishing you email address.
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Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
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My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
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