lost

DJ56 · Guest

I'm new to breast cancer. I found a small, sore lump on my right breast some time in mid-August, and decided to wait until menstruation to see if was the typical tenderness during PMS. I started a new job (had been out of work for almost a year) and even though I did not have insurance, I knew that I needed to get checked because it was still there even after I started my period. My doctor was on vacation. I saw his nurse practitioner 9/1, who sent me on 9/8 for a mammogram, and while I was there, the radiologist and by the time I had my appointment on 9/16, I had the x-ray and report in hand, and he performed 4 biopsies that day, and a week later on 9/29, he admitted me for a lumpectomy with sentinel node surgery. The sentinel node was positive and another node had "a tiny millimeter" so he also removed 17 nodes under my arm and that all were negative. He shared this from my pathology report on 10/7. He said this is "good news" and he also removed the drain. I was glad to have it out, but I was hurting all weekend from pressure and swelling. I have appointments set for 10/25 with a radiation oncologist and 10/26 with a medical oncologist.

I'm lost and scared and I'm feeling very overwhelmed with all this information I'm reading on these boards - and most of the time it's TOO MUCH information. No one even told me that if I lost my breast that I had to have a plastic surgeon lined up ahead of time! I was lying in pre-op when I learned this! My head has been reeling for weeks now and this weekend I felt the walls crashing in around me and I cried like a baby all weekend.

My surgeon is on vacation this week, and I want to ask questions, but I do not even understand my diagnosis so I don't know what to even ASK. I don't even know why I'm here either, because I'm not even able to share more than I just did. I see how well prepared many woman are on these message boards, and I now know that I am truly lost. How do people think clearly so soon after hearing traumatic news like this? This is a whole new world for me and to make matters worse, I just moved to Indiana a few years ago and I have no support system in place here. I was introduced to a couple of ladies from the American Cancer Society, but they told me they aren't "up on all the latest". I wish I had one of these knowledgable ladies from these message boards nearby to help me through this. Crying or Very sad

lee · Guest

DJ56,
So sorry you are feeling so lost, I was where you are 4 months ago. I had a 2.4 cm tumor and 1 node involved. This was the scariest time I have ever had in my life. There were days that I was not sure that I was ever going to stop crying but I have. I even find my self laughing ona lot of days. I have just finished 4 months of chemo ( dose dense ) 4 a/c and 4 taxol. I also have crohns which caused some problems during chemo. I know you feel like this is the end of the world but its not. Are you married? You need to take it one day at a time. I looked only for information that told about my cancer and that was it because anything more then that I could not handle. I was lucky I have a wonderful support team.
I am wondering where this forum comes from it is 5:30 am where I am at and this post says 8:30 on the 12th.
I wish I could hold your hand and help you through this I know just how you are feeling. Keep taking a deep breath. I will be heading out to work soon but will check back when I get home to see if you have been back. I will try to help in any way I can even if you just need a shoulder to cry on. I truely do know how you are feeling. I wish you the best.
Lee

Guest · Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 7:10 am Post subject: Re: lost

Hi,

Welcome, but I'm so sorry you have to even be at the forums. I do remember when I was diagnosed it was a total shock - never sick a day in my life. Everything moves so quickly at first, but things will slow down and you will be able to deal with this.

An excellent book for information is "Dr. Susan's Love's Breast Book." I highly recommend it. Sometimes information can be scary but it is in your best interest to research and be proactive in your treatment.

Also, do you have a friend or relative, someone you trust, that you can bring along to the appointments with you? It's hard to assimilate so much information when you are alone and frightened and confused. It's also comforting to have someone there with you.

You should ask your doctor for a copy of your pathology report if you don't already have one. This will dictate what your treatment will be for the long haul.

Try and stay calm and remember this is bad but not the worst thing that could happen. The majority of women have their cancer treated and it never recurs. So there is LOTS of hope down the road.

When you get scared, come here and we will hold you hand.

Hugs,

Margie

BFagan2067 · Experienced user Joined: 07 Oct 2004 Posts: 54

Preview
Posted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:15 pm Post subject:
I am so sorry that you find your self in the state of "LOST".. It may seem to you that all the womens messages that you read here seem to have it together or that we know so much but be assured that we all have been where you are.. including the shock, anger, depression and total confusion. I never found a support board until I was two weeks away from finishing my chemo.. It was my family and my very few friends that had to pull me through. I like you had moved (from NH to PA) a year and a half before my diagnosis. You have been given good advice about Susan Love's book, getting copies of all your reports, and bringing someone with you to appt. with every single question written down in a list that you go through one by one. I still do that even almost 6 years out. If there is a breast cancer or any kind of cancer support group in your area it is good to attend that as that person to person support is great. I have been through lumpectomy, mastectomy, chemo, radiation, more chemo, tomoxifen and arimidex. I will tell you that it is not easy but it is all doable. You are going to find out that you are much stronger then you ever thought you were. There are times that you dont think that you can do another thing and you will be at the lowest point physically and emotionally but you will find that you can do it and will be empowered in a way that will be amazing. We all seem like we have it together only because we have fought this battle and have learned as we have gone along. The great part of this forum is that we have Leo walking this path with us now and to have a medical professional giving us input is an awesome thing. Your going to get through this, we will help with any questions that you might have and you will be giving out your advice and support to another newbie in no time. Feel free to email me at any time BFagan2067@aol.com, just put in subject line, from BC forum...best of luck to you, take a deep breath and hang in there!
HUGS!
Barbara

leo · Site Admin Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 1574

Hi

Even before my post, you can see that even though this forum started less than 1 month ago, there are already people that can help you go through this.

Having been diagnosed with cancer is certainly a big deal, and there is a lot of information available, some of it creates even more confusion. You can try to get organized, get all the information that you know about your cancer and you are more than welcome to ask any questions here.

Even when you feel that you are overwhelmed, you can be certain that it will get better and you will get through this.

regards,
Leo
_________________
Leonardo F - Webmaster Cancer Forums
Disclaimer: this information is for informational purposes only. It is not medical advice.

DJ56 · Guest

Margie, Lee, Barbara and Dr. Leo:

Thank you for your thought filled words. I have invited my very best friend (out of state) here to this Forum and the breastcancer.org Forum so she could help me sort through all this information. She was by my side through my surgery, and has been my lifeline since my diagnosis. I don't know what I would have done without her. I think having her join in here where she can ask questions that I might not think to ask, will be a big help to me, and then we can talk about things after. It's not easy to explain things you're reading here to someone, when you don't even understand what you're reading!

Dianne

MuttsMom · Guest

Hi Diane,
The feelings you are having are totally normal, but I know that doesn't help right now.
I was dx 2/14/02 with Stage III Invasive Lobular with a 5.5 cm tumor and 9+ nodes out of 16.
Just a week prior to my biopsy, because of abuse, things were in motion for me to get a divorce. When I heard the news and being away from family (I moved to where he lived and worked when we got married) and friends and no support, it was beyond overwhelming.
I can't tell you when, but at some point, you'll get mad at this disease and then you'll be in the fight mode and you will fight this beast like you never thought possible.
I promise you a couple of things. You WILL get through this!!!!!!! and 2nd, the living and breathing cancer does slowly get less and less. I know I'm high risk because of stage and age, but it's been over 2 1/2 years and I'm doing great. There will come a time you don't wake up thinking about it and you don't go to sleep thinking about it.
There's not one person that's had this disease that hasn't gone through the emotional roller coaster ride from hell and we're all here for you. These words may seem empty right now, but remember, we've all been where you are right now and were just as scared as you are and we truly do understand!!!!!!!!!!
You've got us to lean on and lean all you want, we have strong shoulders.
I'm 45 now and had a double mastectomy and my reconstruction didn't work, but I can honestly say I've never regretted doing it and it really doesn't bother me to be boobless because I'm alive and all they are, are blobs of skin and fat.
You don't have to make a decision about reconstruction right now, it can be done anytime. Try to take things as they come and don't load yourself down anymore then this disease puts on you. One day at a time my friend.
Hugs
Nancy

Lee · Guest

You said that right Nancy, getting mad at this disease is what got me through dose dense chemo. I was ready to kick some cancer butt and I did.

Lee

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