New-Dad dying, metastatic livercancer from colon how to deal

tmulc · New User Joined: 13 Jul 2007 Posts: 2

Hi,
I've been reading so may of your posts, I thought it was time to add my own. My dad was diagnosed in Jan 2006 with liver cancer that had started in his colon. He had multiple timors throughout both sides of his liver and was told all that could be done is that they could try to control the growth and buy him some time. After one year, despite typical hurdles he was still doing well and then after his last scan, he was told that the tumors had grown in size and number. They expected some adaptation of the tumors to the chemo but it was a huge blow. He immediately got very ill, fevers, lots of abdominal pain, so on. Then he was hospitalized for dehydration and an infection. He was refusing to eat or drink saying nothing sounded appealing. He got out of the hospital and was given morphine for pain, steroids to control the inflammation of his liver and a few other medications. I took my two sons, ages 2 and three to visit last week and it was not so easy. He is so skinny, has lost his hair and is so grumpy and short tempered. We know part of it is the pain and the medication but he slept all the time and was so miserable. Then he had an appointment with his oncologist to possibly have another round of chemo and was told that they would not give him chemo because it looked like hi liver was failing. He was jaundiced a little. They ran all kinds of tests and they said on Monday (tomorrow) they will let him know if he can continue with chemo or if this is it. They said if he can't then he can start on hospice. He came home, took a two hour nap and woke up a whole new person. No grumpiness, pain, he ate dinner with us, went out with us, and no exaggeration, his eyes completley cleared up, white as paper. He's only 63, he's so good, such a good honest person. He's just worked for us his whole life and never lies or cheats or hurts a fly. Yeah he can be a pain and get all wired up about the silliest things. I've always told him he needs to calm down and not get so angry or he's going to just explode in a ball of flames but he's so good. And my mom is just beside herself with worry about how she is going to take care of herself. Shes 12 years younger and won't get any of his benefits. I think she gets so caught up in what her future will be that she seriously forgets to just enjoy what is left of these todays with him. It makes me mad at her but I do understand. I just wish she could relax a little and live today because no matter how much she plans she can not control tomorrow. I feel like she wastes so much of her todays being mad about how he acts and the money he spends that shes going to feel so guilty and sorry when he is gone. I just don't know how to tell her that because I know she will take it the wrong way. My dad told her a couple of days ago that he felt bad for her crying in the doctors office and that is why he if fighting again but last week he told her he hadn't given up but I guess he had. I always knew the mind was strong and could do some amazing things but it really amazes me how much his attitude change affects his health. I really don't think about it too much because I guess I just can't handle it. I occupy myself with my boys, husband and growing belly (baby number three is due in November) I'd love to talk to him but he was raised not to really discuss emotions and I just don't know what I would say to him. Maybe I can write him a letter. I just hate to see him when he is felling good and I know what is inside him and what it is doing and it really sucks. My mom has no idea what is going to happen to him in the end, how it will be. They are very vague with details when she asks the doctors. I know it sounds like self punishment or morbid but I would like to know too. I'm studying to be a nurse, so I know a little but it doesn't help her. I don't have the details she seems to want. She doesn't know who she will call if he passes in the night, or what will happen to him physically .The doctors told her that when his liver really is failing it will be quick but she didn't ask how quick, they said it depended on his attitude and how much he would fight. I understand fighting prolongs but I think its crap that they can't give us a medical expectation. I know that they can say, medically that it would take so long for his body to shut down. Anyway, so that is it, we are just waiting. He tried to go to work this week and they weren't sure if he would so thay had already called in the guy who covers for him. He says he wont go back. Hes acting fine about ti but I think it will only be days before he goes down hill again. We are so far away from them and he gets lonely when my mom works all day. Without the couple of days he works to distract him and the people he really liked to there, I don't know what will happen. Thanks for listening and to all of you and your loved ones, be well.

brainman

tmulc, I am so sorry about your father's cancer!! I wish I had some better information for you but I know so little about colon cancer. I also wish others had responded to your post. I know there are many other members of this community who do know a lot both personally and by education about this type of cancer. I am only learning.

I am sending you a Private Message relating to your post.

I am also sending you my thoughts and my prayers... but for you and for your father.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

tmulc · New User Joined: 13 Jul 2007 Posts: 2

brainman, thanks for your post. And your message. That was the first time I've really talked about all of that so I'm sorry it all spilled out in one pile. I also sat down and started to write him a letter last night.

I spoke to my mom this morning and my dad went in to get all his test results and they were surprising...his liver functions tripled in a good direction and his brain scan was clear so they allowed his to try another round of chemo. They think he got so sick because of all the medications he was given in the hospital on top of starting a new chemo. They said his liver couldn't handle it all and so much of the medication was staying in his body instead of being filtered out which they say explained the confusion and all of the side effects he was having. They are concerned it may start the whole cycle over again and wear on his lier but he wants to try. They aren't very optimistic about the new chemo but everyone is willing to try.

I suppose they are really only prolonging the inevitable but he is in good spirits and for now that is good.

Good night and thanks again.

brainman

Hi tmulc,

Glad that your father got good news today. I am also glad that he received good information that answer many of your questions. You and your father continue in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

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