Why the delays

brainman · Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:52 am Post subject: Re: Why the delays

friend2, I am so sad about your brother-in-law but happy that you can be with him and your sister. I am glad that you were able to celebrate his 57th birthday... even if it was in a hospital room.

As for his pain, unfortunately, that is part of pancreatic cancer. However, they can treat the pain. It might make him less responsive but there might come a time when that is better than alert but in pain.

Do not worry about being strong... focus on being real with your sister. She will get a lot a "fake" sympathy from others. She will need someone who hurts with her.

I will continue to keep you and him in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

friend2 · Regular Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 25

Hi
My brother in law is hanging in there. He enjoyed the flowers I cut from his garden. He loves Siberian irises. He called all his family in and spoke strongly of what he thought of them. I was told it was very loving. He read a few scriptures from the bible but not too many.

I made mango salad, potato salad, and corn barley salad and he choose salmon to go with it. It was funny but when I took the plate in, his hospital meal was there. He wanted to know what it was so we lifted the cover. He smiled and chose mind. It is the little things that I am able to do that make this time bearable.

They have snuggle time. They have very few times like that left. Some people don't get it. Leave them be. Jokingly, ok, not joking, I asked one of the nurses if they had a heart they could put on the door to let people know to stand back. She went and made a sign. It said private time. The printer was black an white. BUT she found coloured hearts left over from Valentines day and decorated it with them. They still have their waltz before bed. OK they now stand and hold each other to Kenny Gee but hay. When is the last time you danced? Do you know that every night they say there good nights. He says "Sweet dreams" She says "All of you".
She is so strong.
My wish is for everyone to experience a fraction of there love.

Sorry this is probably the wrong spot to post this but for me LOVE instead of grief is my comfort.

brainman · Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 4:55 am Post subject: Re: Why the delays

NO, NO, NO do not apologize. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes. It is so wonderful that you all are finding the little ways to enjoy the time you have with each other!!! The sign on the door with hearts on it... genius! The special meal you fixed for him... what an indication of your love for him! And the bedtime waltz to Kenny Gee... I don't know what to say or if I should say anything more.

My heart and soul reaches out to you and your brother-in-law and his wife.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

friend2 · Regular Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 25

Thanks Brainman
I just got back from the hospital. 11pm My sister was snuggling with her love when I
left. She kicked everyone out earlier tonight so they won't be disturbed.
I was privileged.

His last child got home this morning. He got in at 6:30 am. eeks.

My niece went to her first prom this evening. I took her to get her hair done
then we went shopping for shoes and handbag. Heidi and her date stopped by
the hospital so mom and dad could see them.

He has not eaten today. His temp has spiked. His breathing has changed
and you can hear the fluid in his lungs. his body is so stiff that it
is almost as though rigor mortis is not waiting for him to pass over. My sister thinks that he will pass over tonight. I pray this will be so.

This morning his sister in-law, me and my sister were singing hymns
to him. God love him, he may not be able to move much but he wiggled his
toes to our voices. Later while I took my niece for her hair, while my sister had a
shower, the other sister in law read from the bible to him. He enjoyed that.

It has been a long day but it has been a good day.

friend2 · Regular Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 25

if a song was written for them I THINK it would be "chasing cars" snow patrol. My sister is always lying there with him.

brainman · Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 1:21 am Post subject: Re: Why the delays

Friend2, I am so sorry to hear how bad your brother-in-laws condition is tonight! It does sound like his journey here is about over. I continue to be amazed at the love in your family! Do you know how rare that is? Can you measure how precious that is? It will certainly be the source for the strength and courage and hope you will need in the weeks ahead!

God be with you!
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

friend2 · Regular Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 25

Well I was not home last night. Stayed at the hospital. We all did. We were lead in song by his father with the guitar. We sung all the hymns that we will sing for his service. It was a wonderful time.

friend2 · Regular Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 25

My brother in-law passed over June 28. My sister, his children and other family members were there. The most difficult time in my life I think is taking her home to the house that he will never be returning to. My wish for all of you one this forum, is to have the strength my sister had and has, to help yourself and other family or friends manage getting through this terrible time. Blessed be to all of you.

brainman · Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2007 12:15 am Post subject: Re: Why the delays

friend2, I am very sorry about the death of your bother-in-law. It sounds like he and your sister had a very special relationship! I will continue to hold you and your sister in my heart and in my prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Big Sister · Experienced user Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Posts: 68

Hello, Friend -- The story of your brother-in-law touched me deeply. How fortunate he was to have had such a loving family and a devoted life partner who used the last few days to help him cross over in such a tender way.

There are no good stories on this forum. There are, however, stories of good people who try their darndest to make each day count, whether they are the ill ones or the loved ones. You have helped make each of your brother-in-law's last days good. You have helped your sister move into her next chapter while allowing her the tears of private time with the man she loved.

I would have held my brother by the heels if I thought I could have kept him from sliding towards death. But I didn't have that power nor was the story's end to be written in any other way. I miss him every day and still cry too often. This week we will put his ashes in a lake he loved and he will be safe -- watched over by the fishes and birds in summer, the deer who skate on its surface in winter. It's time for closure.

Not only will your sister need comfort, you will need it, too. Perhaps this forum will help in that regard.

Warmly, Pat

friend2 · Regular Joined: 01 May 2007 Posts: 25

Thank you Pat, the warm thoughts that I've received are comforting.

My husband came down for the funeral. I will be going home with him today. When I get home I will be able to start my healing. It is sad that there are so many people on this forum.

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