New here...hoping this is what I need

introverted_me

Hi everyone,
I feel sort of weird posting on here, since my mother was diagnosed with IBC three years ago and has been "cancer free" for just under 2 of those years.
She was diagnosed just before Easter in 2004, went straight into six rounds of chemo. Then she had a mastectomy (just the breast with the cancer), which unluckily happened on my 16th birthday. Next she had radiotherapy for a few weeks. Just after the New Year she had the other breast removed, just as a precaution. She's now on Tamoxofin, but her ovaries have started working again, so they are trying to chemically induce menopause so they can start her on a new drug. Now it seems that she's going to get her ovaries out now anyway. It's sort of up in the air at the moment.
The thing now is, I'm still finding it hard to "move on". I know you never really can. I never talked to anyone when Mum was sick. Whenever someone asked how I was or how Mum was I would just say "fine". I never cried with my friends, not even on the day of Mum's first mastectomy.
Now everything's going good. Mum has a job she really likes, and I'm studying teaching which I really enjoy, but I still get a bit depressed sometimes. Mum's hormones go a bit haywire sometimes, and we sort of have a bit of a fight, and then I'll feel guilty, because it could have easily not turned out ok, and then she wouldn't be there to fight with. And somethimes something completely unrelated will happen and it will set of another down period.
I still havent learnt my lesson, and I find it really hard to talk about all this with my friends, and there is no way I could talk about this with my mum. There's only 2 friends I would consider talking to, but one has her own issues to deal with, and it's hard to get the other one to talk about someone other then herself. I'm hoping you guys who know what I'm going through will offer me ther support I need!

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 700 Location: UK

Hello - you were very young when this happened, and (from my viewpoint) are still very young. You will have to learn that this must not rule your life.

If you are finding it difficult to move on, then my suggestion is that you seek professional counselling. Friends are not always that best people to help you become objective, where someone who has no personal connection can show you a way forward. There may also be a support group for families somewhere within reach where you can share your experiences and learn from others.

Having a fight with your mother when you are in your teens is quite normal and a very good sign! So long as you are able to apologise or agree afterwards, there is no problem. It is all part of growing up and learning how to handle situations.

Keep smiling - and keep in touch.

brainman

Introverted_me, welcome to the CancerForums. Don't feel "weird" about it taking this long for you to post. It takes some people longer than others to address their own needs. I have two suggestions:

1. Go down to the Breast Cancer Forum. You will find a lot of support there. Tell your mother's story and don't be afraid to let your emotions all out!

2. Search for a local support group or even a counselor where you can talk with "real" people about your still (in my humble opinion) unresolved grief.

I both cases, try to relive that sad phase in your life so that you can find a way to move past it. No, your life will never be the same. But that experience with your mother's cancer can make you a stronger person. Post as much as you like.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

janica · New User Joined: 25 Jun 2007 Posts: 4 Location: Texas

I read your story and had to reply. (I'm new here, too.)

I have kidney cancer and I have a daughter about your age who has just
become a teacher. I would like to tell you what I have told her and what
I believe all mothers would like their children to know.

The most important thing for us mothers is to see that our children are happy
and are living their lives to the fullest. I believe that the best thing that you
can do for your mother is to move on. You should not feel guilty about that.
I think that it will bring her great joy to see that you are living your life as
you were meant to. Don't worry about the fights either, just let her know that you love her. I wish you both the best.

Richard Day Gore

Hi Introverted! I am sorry about your situation but you will get through it. There's no right or wrong way, everybody's different in how they deal with things. But listen, you are stronger than you think--you are brave enough to post your thoughts here for us to read. It's a great start. We are here for you.
Regards always,
Richard Day Gore
_________________
Richard Day Gore

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