Lungs, Liver, and Brain Mets

nicbrown · New User Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 3

Hello-
My MIL has breast cancer with lungs, liver, and now brain mets. She has a tumor on the back side of her brain near the area which controls functions such as breathing. They did surgery last week and put in a shunt (sp?) to relieve pressure. It only worked for one side of her brain. As we speak she is having a 2nd surgery to find out why and hopefully fix it. They have her on a 2 week radiation schedule. Just after the 2nd surgery- her doc's told her she would have no problem making our upcomming cruise trip to Mexico. My question is this- is this a reasonable expectation? 1 week after completion of radiation she will be well enough to be on a boat for 6 days away from medical attention? I hope with all my heart that it is possible- because either way- it doesnt appear we have much time left with her, and she is VERY MUCH looking forward to the trip. Its all she talks about.

Here's some more backround. The cancer is under controll everywhere else in her body- just a week before she fell ill her scans were good. She became very very tired about 2 weeks ago and it kept getting worse and worse to the point that she couldnt talk or barely move. The doc's said if she had not had the surgery the day she did- she would have died. Her lungs would have stopped working. They did the 1st surgery, and one side of her brain drained so they sent her home with the possibility of a 2nd surgery on Monday. However, not 2hours later she began vomiting- so she was rushed back into ICU last night and surgery this morning.

What kind of expectations should I have about all this. People keep saying- she's doing good and she's getting better- but is she?? I need to be able to help my husband through this. I feel like if I can face the hard facts of reality- I wont be blindsided and I can better help him cope. I love this women with all my heart- and I want so badly to beleive we will all be relaxing in the sun in 3 weeks- but I feel like there is just so much I dont know- and it's killing me. Its hard to be strong, and watch my husband suffer. Especially not knowing what to expect. Any info or guidance someone can offer is much appreciated. I'm just so lost.

brainman · Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 3:19 pm Post subject: Re: Lungs, Liver, and Brain Mets

Nic, you are asking a very difficult question. Ask her medical team again after she has her final radiation.

The danger is that she might have complications develop during the cruse. Let us assume the worse scenario. Let us assume that your Mother-in-law will die soon anyhow. Where would she rather be: on a beach in Mexico or in a hospital bed? If she is on the beach, she might die in a lovely place but far from her friends and most of her family... and far from medical treatment by those who know here cancer the best. On the other hand, if she dies in a hospital bed, she will die in a sterile environment having missed a trip that she has been anticipating for some time now.

Assuming the best, she will have a lovely trip to Mexico with those she most loves and still be able to return home for any further treatment having only lost the 6 days of the trip.

So, you see why this is such a personal decision that we on the forum can only voice our own opinions. Good luck. I will be thinking about you and your family.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

nicbrown · New User Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 3

thank you for your reply.. she will be complete with her radiation by then.. however, i am afraid she is starting to give up. she keeps telling my husband- "its your responsibility to make sure Hailey- (our 3 month old daughter) knows how much I loved her." It breaks my heart to type those words. She is becoming depressed and down on herself for not bouncing back as usual. I am so scared. I just dont know what to do. I really have no one to talk to- because I'm just trying so hard to keep it together for my husband and children. My two boys are use to Nana being in the hospital- so its not scary for them. We are sheltering them from the reality of what could happen at this point. My husband is my best friend- but I dont want to break down in front of him- I feel like he needs me to be strong right now.. I dont really have any friends where we live because we just moved here. Its just all so terrifying. She was perfectly fine the Sunday before last. She came up (hour and a half drive) to see us and we spent the day at the pool and playing in the park. Then 3 days later she's in the hospital. I keep reading all these stories about women who have brain mets in their 60's-70's and come out just fine after treatment.. Lori is only in her mid-40's. So I keep thinking- no way are we loosing her now. But oh my god- what if we are?? what do i do?? and there's nothing i can do. i feel helpless- and guilty for feeling that way all at the same time. like who am i to feel helpless and afraid- she's the one going through all of this. she's the one facing it. it just hurts so bad to think what she must be feeling. I just love her so much. I cant loose her now. My kids need her. I need her. My husband needs her. The world needs her.

brainman · Last edited by brainman on Mon May 14, 2007 8:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

Hi Nic,
One of the first things that happens when a person finds out they have cancer is their life seems to come to a screeching halt... no more dreams for a happy future, no more retirement plans, no more growing old together... all that I could think about was NOW. What do I need to do now to make sure my kids are provided for? What do I need to do now so that my kids will remember me? It sounds like your mother-in-law is having some of the same thoughts. In my personal and professional experience, this is a normal change in how we view our lives. It took me about a year to get passed that phase.

Depression is also very common... especially in cases that are entering the "chronic" stage. Talk to her medical team about this issue. They can put her on a mild anti-depressant that can help her over her depression.

Nic, your message just breaks my heart! I can hear the pain you are also feeling. Trying to hid your own pain from your husband may not be what he needs. I am not saying that you should cry all the time... but he does need to know how deeply your mother-in-law's cancer is affecting you. He does need to know that he is not alone in his fears for his mother's life. As for your children, they probably know more than you think. Kids pick up on signs that things are not right somehow. Not communicating with them lets them imagine all kinds of things... including that their parents might not be getting along so well. I do not know your children and it very much depends on their personalities, however, I suggest that you and your husband have a talk with them and explain that their grandmother is very sick and might die and that this is the cause of any worries they might be feeling.

I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers and thoughts.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

rlee · Site Admin Joined: 15 Jan 2006 Posts: 245

nicbrown,
Totally agree with Jim, quality of life is so important, especially when the prognosis is very poor. Your MIL should enjoy her most precious asset right now, time. Best wishes.
_________________
RLee, MD

Any information provided is NOT intended to provide specific medical advice to users but rather to provide users with information to help them better understand their health condition and related care. All readers are strongly encouraged to consult with a qualified physician for answers to their personal medical questions.

nicbrown · New User Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 3

I appreciate both of your reply's. Visiting this site has certianly helped me cope. Just knowing someone "listened" to my fears and thoughts, I feel like I have some where to go to cry. I can be the supportive rock for my husband and feel supported too.

I never thought about what my kids may be thinking- I guess my attempt to protect them from the truth is sending mixed messages. I dont think my 5 year old quite understands, but I know my eight year old must be worried. My husband and I are going to sit down with him and let him express any worries and ask questions. He know's Nana is very sick, and we aren't sure if or when she will get better, but I know he must be confused. Hell I'm confused- so I know he must be too. We are going to talk to my five year old seprate. You have to be careful how you word things with him. He repeats everything. If he gets the idea Nana might be dying, he will surely ask her about it the next time we see her.

As for my MIL- she is now in "angry" mode. She has lost faith in her doctors due to her attempts to tell them she was having symptoms which we know now to be clear indicators their may be a brain tumor- and they just kept dismissing her and telling her it was "normal." Even when they finally did listen and give her a brain scan- they were trying to push her back to a Friday. When she went in on a Wednesday (after her sister demanded they see her continuously) she was rushed into surgery that night. The surgon told my husband she would have had a very hard time living until Friday if she had waited. Thank God for persistance. Anyway- she is still very tired, but only has 4 more radiation treatments to go- and HOPEFULLY we will see a difference. I already see a difference in her- especially since her doc tried to perscribe anti-depressants. That just made her spitting mad!! "I'm not depressed!- I'm pissed off!!" she said. Then the following day, they send a chaplin in to talk to her. That just made things worse. She went from thinking she was dying- to being mad that others might think that too. She immediatly went shopping for the cruise when she left. She bought a few outfits. If pissed off is what she needs to be to continue fighting- I pray she continues to get pissed off until her tumor is shrunken to a managable level. Whether she can go or not, I'm just so excited she has the trip to look forward too. To help her get though these last treatments and keep her fighting until her body isnt so tired.

Anyway, thanks again for letting me vent and replying. Its nice to know these sites are out there to help. I know there is no way I'll ever be able to know what you all are going through- but I am so thankful you are here to help me deal with my own thoughts. Just knowing there is someone out there who has experianced what this horrible desease can do- and they still take the time to read into someone else's problems and try to help guide them through to understanding... well you'll never know how much I appreciate it. And how much you helped- just by clicking reply.

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