is there anybody like me ? 42 years old dying and scared.

sak

after 2 years being told that I had piles, constant trips to toilet and passing blood and 'slime'I had a colonoscopy .I had a large tumour 7 inches up my behind.My liver and lungs were looked at and I was told that they were clear .Two lots of chemo and a course of radiotherapy later,Iwas sent for a P E T scan.i'd had surgery on my colon and had an ileostomy and thought i'd be ok,but the cancer had spread to my liver and lungs,Had liver op and was going to have lung op,but it was too late.I now have 16 tumours in one lung and 6 on the other.I have been told that i have 2 years left.I have a lovely husband and 2 sons aged 6 and 11. No one understands how sad I am.You need to have cancer to know how it feels.I also work in a funeral home as an embalmer.I have to work as we need my salary but seeing corpses every day is making me worse.Everything around me is abouy death and dying and I'm scared coz I feel like I'm losing my mind.My local hospice can't help . Please,if you are reading this and are dying like me,reply. I can't be the only one.

Lifes2short · New User Joined: 17 Jan 2007 Posts: 1 Location: Utah

I'm sorry for what you're going through. And I understand completely. I'm a 42 year old mother of two - ages 4 1/2 and 3. I was dx with Stage III rectal cancer last December. Went through rad/chemo and surgery only to find liver mets in a post surgical CT scan. That was in April. My oncologist told me I had "months to a couple years to live". I decided (at the time) not to do chemo and to just enjoy what likely would be my last good summer with my family. It was a good summer, but sad. Dying was constantly on my mind. I had to train myself to never think about the future - especially when it came to the kids. It was very difficult for me and for my family and friends. Though I knew my prognosis was poor, I kept hoping and praying for a miracle.

By end of summer I noticed that I wasn't dying very fast. I started to aggressively seek treatment. I found a doc who will resect my liver cancer. I am on chemo and it is shrinking my liver mets. I now believe that I will survive for several years or even possibly be cured. I don't think about dying every day, but I do remain realistic about the possibility that it could happen. I look at my kids and think there's a good chance I'll see them grow up.

My only advice is to keep hoping, praying and aggressively seeking treatment. There is always hope. Meanwhile, be realisic. Put together a will and make sure that your child has lots of ways to remember you and stay connected. These things will ease your mind. I guess what I'm trying to say is "take care of business like you're dying, but keep the hope alive that you'll live to be very old".

Best of luck to you. Keep reading the message boards. There are several good cancer boards out there with lots of miraculous survival stories or stage IV colorectal cancer victims.

kensm39

Hello Everyone, Sorry I have no been here for a couple of months I have had alot going on. I had my surgery done on Dec. 6th, 2006 and everything went well. I had my rectum removed due to stage 3 rectal cancer and I am now wearing an Illeostomy. Thank God it's going to be able to have a reversal hopefully within the next 2 weeks.

Sak---please don't give up on hope and prayers, I am also 42 years old and I do know what it's like having cancer but I don't know what it's like being told you only have so much time to live. I do think victims of cancer can relate better with each other. I have an awesome wife and 16 year old daughter that I can talk to but I still go to a cancer group on wednesdays. I am also very active in church. I live in the great city of Indianapolis Indiana (Go Colts). If you have any certain questions or comments please feel free to email me at
kensm39@comcast.net and I hope I could be of some help. Please put in the header of the email something about cancer like sak from cancer forum. I get alot of junk email and sometimes I trash it without looking at it. God bless you and your family.

Ken
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Ken in Indy

brainman

Sak, I think most of us who have cancer can identify with the fear you are experiencing. Most of us realize how very short life might be for us. I am 52 years old and a brain cancer survivor. My cancer was first diagnosed in ’92. However, right on schedule, it recurred in ‘05. Right now, there is no sign of the cancer. But I still live with the knowledge that it will probably recur again. That is frightening! Each time it comes back it comes back in a worse form. Next time, it will probably be a Grade IV. What I try to do is remind myself that many, many people will die before I do and they will probably not die of cancer and probably are totally unaware of how little time the have left. I know that sound bad. But the truth is that in some was we are actually blessed with cancer. I know that I try to enjoy my life more now than I did pre-diagnosis.

God bless you and keep you in the light of God’s love.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

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