How do I know when to say goodbye?

cancerforum · New User Joined: 30 Nov 2006 Posts: 1

This is my first time on any cancer forum....my little brother (38 yrs old tomorrow) is fighting cancer (AML M2) in Tampa, FL. He was diagnosed in March, received chemo early on, then high-dose chemo and my stem cells in September and is now trying to survive at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa. He has had a full body rash, constant nausea and liver issues. The GVHD is kicking his butt and now he has RSV and pneumonia. He has lost 60 lbs and can no longer eat. My sister-in-law continues to be hopeful but everyone else in the family seems to think he may not make it to the new year. I live in Raleigh, NC and know I need to go to him at some point to say goodbye (or something) but I don't know when to go. I guess I'm afraid to go because I don't want to give up hope...could he survive still? He has three young boys and wants to be with them. I matched him perfectly, though I am his ONLY surviving sibling (our sister died years ago) and I can't imagine that he could go through so much pain to die anyway. I've lived far away from family for 12 years and we've not been very close in past years, but I love my brother and wished for this treatment to heal him. Now I just feel hopeless and helpless.....what do I do? When do I go to him? HELP!

cardoso · Guest

I don´t know if he will make it to Xmas. Heck, I don´t know if I will, and as far as I know I´m in good health.

Do you have someone you love and care, and he/she is far away? Do you miss a talk, a moment, a few laughs or even a memory of a long-gone fight?

Jump in the car and go visit that person.

Your brother is gonna die. It´s a fact. If he beats the cancer (it happens, even some really advanced cases) someday the fat lady will sing and bang, he's gone. As a matter of fact, so do you.

Do yourself a favor and pay him a visit. It´s not false hope, all you´re saying doing that is that you care.

gsdsd · New User Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 3

Hi,
Just read your post. I don't know the facts on your brother or where he is at but if you feel that you would like to go and see him - make the effort. My husband had CLL which progressed to a very agressive form of Richters and although he started on chemo it was cancelled after 4 treatments as it was not working. But our children and their families all came and saw him after his last treatment as he was failing. I was so pleased that he had been able to catch up with them even though they are very scattered as far as distance is concerned because when the failed in the end he went down very fast and went from being still able to communicaten to having his brain close down overnight and be non-responsive to those around him. Although he lived a couple more days - enough for his children to fly to be by his side they were not able to talk to him as they did before. So by all means go and see your brother. If by a miracle his health improves then that is a bonus but if not then you will know that at least you were able to talk with him and have your time with him before he failed.

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