Am new here

christyw · Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:22 pm Post subject: Am new here

Hi all

My partners Dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer. He lives quite far from the hospital where he is going to get treatment so he's going to stay with us while he goes through chemo.

Unfortunately neither he nor the family want to know any of the details about the treatment. He talked to the oncologist for about 20 minutes and wouldn't let anybody go in with him so we have no information about what we need to do to be prepared for caring for him when he finishes treatment.

Any ideas on how to handle this?

My partner is still in denial so doesn't want to know but I'd rather be prepared.

I don't even know what sort of cancer he's got. All I know is that he's having the chemo mainlined into him and it will take a few hours. Then he will come home to our place.

I feel completely unprepared --- he starts chemo tomorrow and is heading to our place today, I don't even know how long he is going to need to stay for.

I have an extremely weak stomach so am really struggling with having him stay because he's coughing up constantly. I completely sympathise with him but just wince every time I hear him hoik (sp?).

Is anyone else going through this at all? Can anyone offer any advice?

Thanks

kaylany · Regular Joined: 02 Aug 2006 Posts: 31 Location: New York

Christy,

I understand what you are going through, as I am in a very similar place. My mother in law moved in with us to help me with my 4 kids and b/c she's divorced and has never worked, she was taking care of her mom, but she passed away recently. It was a good arrangement, I could use the help.

24 hours after the big moving day, we took her to the hospital. Now I am the one taking care of her. She has stage 4 NSCLC that spread to the brain, lymph nodes, other lung and abdomen recently also.

They gave her 6 months in the beginning of May. She's had a few weeks of chemo, but they just stopped it again b/c her white blood cell count is low. She got booster shots for 3 days, sat in our living room chair for 5 full days only moving to go the bathroom. She can't eat or drink much, is shaky, disoriented and in a LOT of pain. She was hospitalized 2 days ago, they have her on oxygen and so far she's had 2 blood transfusions.

I understand what you're going through. I myself have a very hard time b/c she knows i'm overwhelmed just with my kids so she hates to ask me for help, they're 6 months, 1 years old, 3 years old and 7. They are a handful. I do all the thankless things like laundry, cooking for her, filing her papers, running to the store for her, etc. But I can't do things like help her to the bathroom or get her dressed if that's what she's going to need when she comes back home. It may be time hospice will come in and we need to hire a nurse.

The doctors aren't saying exactly what's happening, I think she's just going downhill. I understand your partner is in denial, I would definitely educate yourself, you're right about that. You need to know what to expect. It is very hard when you're involved up to your ears but you're not officially the daughter or son. You feel like you need to be strong for your spouse, but you need a shoulder to lean on also. That is what I find the hardest.

If you can get help from other family members, get it. And try not to feel like you're feelings and views are not as important b/c it's not your dad. He's staying woth you so it'll effect you alot. I will be thinking of you and if you need to talk, I will listen. I understand completely. Sorry this is so long, once I start I can't stop!
Kayla
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kaylaNY

christyw · Posted: Sun Sep 03, 2006 2:53 pm Post subject: Thanks Kayla

it's good to know there's a forum out there which has support for the families.

My partner's Dad is back this week for his second round of chemo. He reckons the first lot made him very sick and he's started losing his hair already. He's not a well man and I'm not good around sick people so I'm not sure how I'm going to cope.

Thing is, I'm having a tooth extracted tomorrow too so I'm not going to be well myself!

He doesn't share any information about the future though, I think because he doesn't want to know which makes it very hard for the rest of us.

paula k · New User Joined: 04 Sep 2006 Posts: 5 Location: wisconsin

I read your posts and I just joined this forum. I have been laying in bed since 2 am and something prompted me to join a cancer forum. My life has turned up-side-down since March when we found out my husband has stage 4 kidney cancer. I am 46 years old and don is 52. We have been together 12 years.
My father died of prostate cancer 12 years ago and so I have seen the aweful side to this disease. I know I was a strong person to endure my fathers aweful death. It is the most heartbreaking scene to see someone you love go through the final months of life. What I saw with my dad will forever be with me....in my heart and mind.
Try to be strong for the people that need you right now. You will be surprised at yourself and you will learn so much about yourself.
My name is Paula and I live in waukesha wisconsin. My son is grown and playing minor league baseball in georgia and don is my husband going on 8 years. We live in a nice home on a acre of land and have 2 dogs, a cat and 4 birds. We work hard and enjoy family and friends. My husband is the strongest person I ever met. He can tackle anything. He has never missed a day of work in his life. He is my future, the person I want to grow old with.
Over the winter he wasn't feeling too good. He kept complaining of stomach pain. He waited until his yearly check-up to ask the doctor about the pain. From the end of january to March they ran tests and finally March 14 they found the kidney tumor. They usually find kidney cancer when they are looking for something else. He had no blood in his urine but he had high calciums. It was already too late...he has tumors in his liver, lungs, nodes and brain. (they zapped out the cancer cells in his brain already)
They gave him about a year to live. They started him on nexavar and he had too many side effects. Now he is in a clinical study and is in a holding pattern. He goes for his cat scans on Sept. 11 and then we will know how things are doing.
I have cried everyday of my life since March 14. I have a whole different thought process now, I live my life totally different then I did before we found out. Things that were important to me then are no longer important. The whole meaning of life has changed. I have been touched by so many wonderful people and total strangers have said kind words and offered prayers. I told my friend that I will never be the same. I truely mean that too...I will never be the same.
Stay strong for your loved one and stay healthy.

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