Just lost my partner

jdk1245 · Posted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 3:51 pm Post subject: Just lost my partner

So here is my story:

My partner, Gilson, passed away two days ago from secondary lung cancer due to testicular cancer. Our story is a tough one to understand as I met him during a trip to Brasil.

I went to Brasil to a friend's wedding and we met an instantly fell in love. Gilson was only 23 years old and I am 29. I was more mature as I have already gone through some tough experiences in my life that I feel prepared me for this recent loss.

I live in San Francisco and we wanted to figure out a way that we could see each other more frequently, so we decided that he would move to Guatemala where my sister lives with her family and were I travel almost every other month.

I was very happy and knew that Gilson loved me a whole lot because he left his family, friends, and culture. He had to face a new language and learn Spanish and adapt to a completely different culture, just to be closer to me.

We had a lot of great memories together as I am in the process of creating my exporting business and was anticipating in splitting my time between the US and Guatemala half the time each month.

Gilson's suffering with cancer was very quick. He had sporadic pain since mid July with his back and trouble breathing every once in a while. Around early August, I was in Guatemala and took him to the doctor to do all the tests to figure out what was going on and they came back with possibility of having testicular cancer.

He had emergency surgery August 18th and it was discovered that his testicular cancer had spread to his lungs and his spine. We began chemotherapy treatment the next day and the doctors were very positive about him getting better. He came out of the hospital August 29th and he was doing extremely well.

Right before he left, he had one shot of medicine that is part of chemo. This shot made him very sick and we got home and he was throwing up the entire afternoon and night. Around 1AM, he asked for help to go to the bathroom and he had a convulsion in the bathroom.

We took him to the hospital and the doctors found that the chemo was kiling cancer in his lungs, but his lungs were partially filled with liquid. Moreover, he had kidney failure from the chemo, so he wouldn't pee. After the took him to ICU, as they tried to move him to another stretcher, he stopped breathing and there was nothing they could do.

I am now feeling really strange as part of me is at ease with knowing that he is not suffering, but another part is hurting so much with so many memories and anything related to Brasil reminds me of this wonderful person.

Next week, my sister and I will be traveling to Brasil to bring Gilson back to his family and to have his services down there. I am dreading this trip as it will be sooo difficult. I also have no idea how I will recover from such a hard loss.

I was next to Gilson up to the minute that they took him to ICU and was able to talk to him. I knew that he was afraid of dying. I asked if he could hear me and he nooded his head. I told him that I loved him and to think about God and all the people that loved him. That he was going to temporarily be sleeping and that I would be here waiting.

I feel bad about saying this as this wasn't possible. I wanted him so bad to be ok and not be afraid of anything. I found this forum and thought that it would help to let it out with people in similar situations.

thanks, Julio.

Xian120 · Regular Joined: 28 Aug 2006 Posts: 12

First off, Im very sorry for your loss, its almost impossible to say anything that will ease what you're going through. I lost my Mother just over a week ago to cancer, so I am familiar all too well with your pain, I loved her dearly and was there when she passed. Your partener will live with you and through you forever, our loved ones do pass away but never really vanish from our lives. With time, the sadness will be replaced with acceptance and you'll carry on. As far as the trip back to Brasil, I have no advice except be strong for him, keep your head high, and feel no shame about the last thing you said to him, It was comfort you were giving, instead of panic. So don't feel guilty, you did what was right at that moment....

	Cancer Forums Forum Index -> Coping and Support	All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

A website for discussions about any type of cancer, including lung cancer, breast cancer, mesothelioma, prostate cancer, laryngeal cancer, leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma and others