How soon should I visit my mom? (long)

Sasheena · New User Joined: 22 Aug 2006 Posts: 3

I wasn't sure how to ask this, I don't want to sound ... wrong... but I've learned some new things about my mother's cancer and I'm now not sure how soon I should plan to see my mother. To help answer the question, I'll tell a little of her story...

Really Ancient History: She was born in December 1946, so will be 60 this december.

Ancient History:
In 1989 mom was diagnosed and treated for cervical and uterine cancer simultaneously (independent cancers). For five years following that surgery (no chemo, no radiation, just surgery) she remained completely cancer free. Later she had a "benign" salivary gland tumor that required surgery to remove. Which brings us to...

Recent History:
In early 2004 mom woke up on a normal day and walked into the kitchen to make breakfast. She made it to the kitchen where she collapsed in sudden intense agony. In the E.R. she was diagnosed with having a ruptured colon, and they waited four days to "see if it would fix itself". When that didn't work, they operated and found colon cancer.

She had a colostomy bag but also the hope of being "reconnected" in a year. After a year of chemotherapy and good CT scan results, etc, they planned a reconnection for her. When they went in, they found more cancer. They decided to remove the affected piece of colon and reconnect anyway and put her back on chemotherapy.

A year after that she was scheduled for another CT and the "all clear" was supposed to be her reward for suffering through two years of chemotherapy and two intense surgeries. Alas, the doctor told her "We see a spot on your colon." He diagnosed her as stage IV metastatic cancer, but also insisted that the cancer was only a tiny little spot on her colon. She also had a heart stent put in recently and when the blood thinners were no longer necessary she had plans to have her gallbladder out because it has started to cause her pain recently.

Fast forward to Sunday night this week. Her "gallbladder" pain was intense and she went to the ER. The ER doc, after going over her file, told her that she should probably expect the level of pain she was experiencing with the kind of metastatic cancer she had. Assuming that my mother's oncologist had been honest with her, the ER doctor explained that with metastatic colon cancer of the liver, and of the fatty tissues all over her abdomen, and possibly other organs, she can expect that level of pain.

For my mother, (and myself when I learned of this) it was an absolute shock! Her oncologist had not mentioned that cancer had spread to other organs. He lied to her about her prognosis and diagnosis. The ER doctor showed my mother the Oncologist's notes in her file, conclusions he had never bothered to share with my mother.

Suddenly my mother, and her family, are faced with a whole new situation. It was one thing when it was only a "tiny spot" that "might eventually kill" her. It is entirely different to learn that the cancer has so thoroughly spread.

Her pain was so intense that the stiffest pain-killers they could give her only dulled the pain, did not take it away!

Now instead of my plans to visit her in the spring (I live in a different state and am a high school teacher, it's hard to take time off to visit her).

Now I find myself wondering if I should make plans to visit her this Labor Day weekend?

Will she live to be 60?

Will she be here for Christmas?

Her and my dad have booked a cruise to the mediterranean next spring, will she make it to see europe?

I know that none of you can tell me what will happen with my mother. But I also know that after a certain amount of time seeing this happen to a number of people there comes to be certain generalities that people can rely on. So I guess my foundation question is:

Once a person has metastatic colon cancer of the liver, what sort of general prognosis is there? (It only has one lobe involved).

I can take the time to visit my mom, I just need an idea of whether I can/should wait until the fall break (in October), or if I should go now (Labor Day Weekend), or...

Thanks to anyone who had the fortitude to read my looooong story.
_________________
~Sasheena

barnegat_artist324 · Regular Joined: 23 Aug 2006 Posts: 13 Location: NJ

No one ever knows what day or moment may be their last. Goes for even those who do not have cancer. Perhaps knowing about her condition is a good thing. Gives family and friends a chance to let someone know how they feel when if they were healthy they may not take that opportunity.

She's your mom, see her when you want. Goes for the rest of the people you care for. We all will die one day and it is a blesssing to be able to let the ones you love know it!!

I am grateful for my family and friends and I know how hard it was for them to see me when I was at my worst. But that was 11 years ago and we still treasure every day!!!

God bless you, prayers for you, your family and your mom!!

Sasheena · New User Joined: 22 Aug 2006 Posts: 3

Thank you for your words. Mother and I have made plans for my next visit, and I have the airline on speed dial if I need to go there sooner. You are right that we never know what will happen. Sometimes it is easy to forget that. But you never know when something is going to happen, so the most important thing is to live each day as a wondrous gift, and to end each day with peace and love in your home and among your families. Thank you again.
_________________
~Sasheena

barnegat_artist324 · Regular Joined: 23 Aug 2006 Posts: 13 Location: NJ

Good for you! And good for dad to book a cruise!! If for some reason mom can't make the trip, perhaps you should join him. It may turn in to the best time yet!!

I never would have guessed my life to be what it is now. I have made adjustments due to my specific "problems" but I am happy, living a nice life and the entire experience of surving cancer has changed me forever.

I had a tumor (squamous cell carcinoma) in my rectum and (on morphine) always imagined tiny angels hacking away at the tumor. They of course resembled family members, and would chip away at the tumor and then load a wheel barrel and dump it and I would go "potty". Poof, no more tumor. My mom, who is 87 wrote a story about it. If you would like I would be happy to share. It's cute and sweet! I am also in the process of writing a book about my ordeal. I am trying to make it funny. I love humor, bellieve it is the best medicine!! I hide in my humor, the worse the situation, the funnier I get. But can't help but think that perhaps my story can bring some comfort to someone who sure could use some!!

God bless you and your family. talk soon

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