My mum has died

Louby · Regular Joined: 09 Apr 2006 Posts: 11

I posted on here a couple of times about my mum who had secondary liver cancer. Thank you to those who replied for your support.
My mum died on Saturday, I was with her holding her hand and Im so so glad I was. I was always afraid of this time coming and I didnt think I would cope. I thought I would fall to pieces as she was my world so I cant understand why I am coping. I just cant seem to believe she has gone. Yes I have my moments of sadness and crying but then I just seem to carry on as normal. Im feeling guilty about the way I am coping. Her funeral is on Monday and Im dreading it. I dont want to let her go and her funeral will make everything so final.
Is it normal to be like this?

tilo · Regular Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 21

My sincerest condolences on your loss... also my prayers and thoughts through this difficult time. I am experiencing all the things you had posted about earlier... so although I am definitely no expert, these are my thoughts....
There is no 'right' way to feel, or grieve or cope. I think everything you are feeling is very normal... but most importantly very normal for you. In my experience, it is a very surreal time between death and funeral, and very difficult as well. Perhaps, you will grieve later on as is the case sometimes.
After all you've been through, please don't knock yourself because you don't think you're feeling the way you should.
Best wishes and continued strength
Tilo

Louby · Regular Joined: 09 Apr 2006 Posts: 11

Thank you for replying. My mum was in hospital to have the fluid drained from her body and was to come home in a day or two. At first she didnt want to be in there but a couple of days later she didnt want to come home and she just deteriated from then on. I was so upset at first but then seemed to get stronger as we prepared for her to die. I sat with her for about 10 hours a day as I couldnt bear for her to be alone.
When she died I was sobbing and couldnt leave her or let go of her hand but since then Ive carried on pretty much as normal with everyone else falling apart arround me, when it was me everyone was worried about and how I'd cope as I was devastated when my mum was first diagnosed with cancer and am usually such an emotional person.
Thank you so much for your support.

tilo · Regular Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 21

I just relate to what you're saying so well, its exactly the things I'm feeling with my grandma who appears to be having the same experience your mum did.
I can tell you did a wonderful job caring for her, and she was fortunate to have you... you are in my thoughts.
I felt comfort in any response when I have posted, so I want you to know we are out here, thinking of you and grieving with you in our own ways.
Take good care
Tilo

Louby · Regular Joined: 09 Apr 2006 Posts: 11

Thanks Tilo, its true you do get comfort from any replies.
Im sorry to hear your grandma is ill. If you ever need to talk or ask anything, Im here for you.
Take care and thank you for replying.
Louise

Kaelie · Regular Joined: 11 May 2005 Posts: 29

I'll be thinking of you this coming weekend..

All my strength is with you. Take care of yourself.. lean on whoever will let you, and accept every word of condolence to your heart.

tilo · Regular Joined: 27 Apr 2006 Posts: 21

Louise,
I have been thinking about you, I hope you are doing alright. It is an amazing thing that I can be taking care of my grandma and wondering how people I've never met are coping with the difficulties in their lives that are so similiar to mine. I truly hope you are doing well. Sending thoughts and strength. Take care,
Tilo

Louby · Regular Joined: 09 Apr 2006 Posts: 11

Just want to thank you all for all your kind words and support, Monday was a really sad and hard day. Over 200 people came and it was lovely to see how many people came to say goodbye to my mum.
I still cant believe she has gone and am waiting for this all to hit me. Im usually such an emotional person but I seem to have found this inner strength and am plodding on. I just feel drained and incredibly sad.

I know what you mean Tilo about thinking about other people you have never met before. Although you get support from close friends and they have your best interests at heart, no one can really know what it is like to go through this awful time unless they have been through or are going through it too. I have felt comfort talking to people on here and I just want to thank you for all your support. I meant what I said, if you ever need to talk just let me know. Take care and try to stay strong.

Lana8 · Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 8:37 pm Post subject: Re: My mum has died

Louise,
I am so sorry for your loss. My twin sister will be gone on June 11 one full year. I miss her very much every day. I have grieved at times but its best not to hold back. You and you family are in my prayers.
Lana

Leah Kelley · New User Joined: 13 Jun 2006 Posts: 1

Hello,

I am new to the Cancer Forum. I just want to say that I am sorry to read about your loss. My mother passed away January 3, 2006. I honestly do not know if I will ever get through my grief. I know I'll never get over it and I do not want to. I loved my mother so much and I am so angry at God for taking her.

She was diagnosed in 1997 with Breast Cancer and she had reconstructive surgery and of course when the doctor took off her remaining breast tissue she had cancer multiplying and it spread to her spine and to her liver and then she passed. She fought so hard and for so long.

She left behind my father, my younger brother and his wife and Jake (my nephew) as well as another grandson on the way, me (her daughter) and my husband. She also left her sister and mother (who has Alzheimer's- Thank God- I don't know if she could handle her daughter passing away as well as her husband passing in October of last year).

I went through nursing school and can't pass the state boards. I tried 2 times to pass it so that I could make my mother proud and I've yet to retake it. Her dying and me watching her wither away was almost more than I can bare. It hurts so bad. I miss her so much.

I don't know why I am writing all of this and I pray that I am not making anyone feel bad or sad or whatever. I just wanted someone to hear me. Please hear me. Thank you.

Leah Crying or Very sad

_________________
God is close to the brokenhearted. God still loves you and still cares.

Xian120 · Regular Joined: 28 Aug 2006 Posts: 12

[quote="Louby"]I posted on here a couple of times about my mum who had secondary liver cancer. Thank you to those who replied for your support.
My mum died on Saturday, I was with her holding her hand and Im so so glad I was. I was always afraid of this time coming and I didnt think I would cope. I thought I would fall to pieces as she was my world so I cant understand why I am coping. I just cant seem to believe she has gone. Yes I have my moments of sadness and crying but then I just seem to carry on as normal. Im feeling guilty about the way I am coping. Her funeral is on Monday and Im dreading it. I dont want to let her go and her funeral will make everything so final.
Is it normal to be like this?[/quote]

First I am so sorry for your loss, Its something we are never prepared for nor are we taught what to do when this happens. My Mother passed last week, and we had her service today. I also was there holding her hand when she passed. It was an experiance I will NEVER forget. And would have never have missed for ANYTHING in the world. I also have been coping the way you are, I believe that because you were there holding her hand, she has given you peace, and the strength to carry on like you are. We all know you have honor and love for your mother just as I have for mine. But, being there for her when she passed was the greatest gift you could have ever given her, and yourself. And the love you feel for her has replaced the sorrow in your soul helping you cope. At least thats what I feel has happened with me. If I had not been there, I know I would not feel this way. There would be a void, impossible to fill.

Christian

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