moms PET scan results

sheila · Regular Joined: 24 Jul 2008 Posts: 30

Better news than we expected - Very Happy

the suspected nodule in her liver is still
there but the scan showed no other traces anywhere eles,,,,whew!!
Her doctor said it may not even be the same cancer spread but hes not positive we'll find out more with the new doctor.
she now has to see the liver oncologist specialist. for treatment of that which her doctor says more tests scans and removal of nodule either operate or laproscopy or infused wih radiation directly to the tumor..he said theres several alternatives to try. different forms of a chemo-since her body will not tolorate the normal chemo they use right now. Her doctor said this guys the best he was in the paper and very up with the latest technologys- claims hes a genius.for now we have some hope-and mom came out of his office so relieved she was talking food!! were still worried but hey any news but the worst is the best I say! thanks for being here- I need a place to vent because its hard not to say anything around mom(she insists we dont bring these topics up or discuss her problems with relatives or too many friend she rules the roost as far as that goes and its hard to avoid people who care and ask questions) feel like I need to hibernate somewhere so I dont have to be confronted by any questions Shes not in denial she just wants everything to be as normal as possible for as long as it can be- we understand.

PrairiePrincess · Regular Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 10

Sheila, for what it is worth, remember that in spite of what your mother is requesting, this time of your life is NOT normal. I have just gone through a situation where my dad enforced silence on the topic of his failing health and ability to live independently. This resulted in three things: he got no support as his health and abilities failed (accelerating his decline), we all felt pushed away and dominated at the same time...and guilty as we could see he was headed for disaster, and finally, he ended up in a crisis with no Plan B in sight and had to make a lot of painful decisions and transitions at a time when he felt sick and weak.

Hence, I am not a fan of suffering in order to preserve the illusions of others. It doesn't help them in the long run.

I am also not a fan of the statement "they are an adult, so let them make their own decisions". Dad was fearful and clearly NOT making good decisions, and pretending we were respecting his dignity by stepping back essentially hung him out to dry.

Other things to think about are: while I understand your mother does not want to adopt her illness as her identity and whole experience, the best gift she can give to others right now is helping THEM process what her loss is going to mean in their lives. It is, alas, a time for meaningful exchanges and farewells. By enforcing a no fly zone around her condition, she is preventing everyone around her, and probably herself as well, from healthy and necessary processing.

Short answer, stay with the authentic. "Mom, you ARE sick and we ARE concerned, and I need to live the rest of my life without regrets, so let's go with that and support one another through this experience."

sheila · Regular Joined: 24 Jul 2008 Posts: 30

thanks I also agree with your way of thinking but where does one draw the line between being strong and insistant and disrespect? she has the right to her privacy and she will let relatives know -but it seems to have to be when she accepts the facts thrown out to her and settles with it-then she herself will disclose as much info as she wants She hides nothing from us her children and we rarely hide things from her-but the disscussions are very brief and far and few between. she will read no ifo thats my job she listens briefly at suggestions . as far as what to do end of life shes got all paperwork etc in order we know exactly what needs to be done if comes to the worse senerio but our whole family is all organized in that respect-we know her wishes and plan to carry through its just keeping it from her brothers and sisters because the two sisters are in AZ and have problems of there own-she doesnt want them to worry any more than they have to.
she spares the tweeners we are going through. my brothers and my husband do put their foot down when she says -I can take myself I dont want anyone to take off work-well we all instantly turn deaf and just do what we need to do she will have no say so- she wont argue then. shes been doing things for others all her life -she is the rock in our family its our turn to help her.

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