Advice needed ASAP, Please!!

yankeegirlalways · New User Joined: 01 Feb 2007 Posts: 1

This is my first time posting and if I weren't absolutely desperate, I wouldn't be here, but I need answers fast. My uncle is dying of Lung Cancer that has metastized to the liver (he has a tumor the size of a small basketball) to the rib bone and several other places. They moved him into hospice house on Monday and he is not eating, his drinking is very decreased, he is very confused and hallucinating at times and is turning yellow. He also sleeps all the time, can't walk on his own anymore or care for himself (he can't hold a phone, a cup or anything).

My problem is that his sons live across the country from him and one of them would like to be here with him when it is time for him to pass, but his wife is not telling them the truth about his condition (she is a spiteful woman and does not like them). She talks to us and tells us things, but I got caught snitching to the sons last night and now I fear that she won't tell us anything now. It is not fair that she is not going to give the guys proper notice to be here with their father and I am trying to help them out. She keeps telling us that no one is telling her anything, but I think that she is not telling any of his relatives the full truth.

Can anyone tell me from the things I have just described if you think that it is time for the son to fly in. The doctors will only communicate with the wife, so we are sort of at her mercy. This is becoming such a mess and it is going to get even uglier before it is over and done with. I just want my cousin to say his final good-bye and my uncle to die in peace.

Thanks, Jennifer

isidella · Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 11:41 pm Post subject: Re: Advice needed ASAP, Please!!

it sounds like the time is close. . . that is all anyone can say. . .

http://www.amitabhahospice.org/hospice/signs_of_dying.php
_________________
Cancer is not a single disease, but billion diseases. Each cell is a disease that has the potential to become a million different diseases. It is complicated, but not unconquerable.
~Isidella

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul
~William Ernest Henley

PrinceCharming · New User Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 3

The lung cancer makes people think that they will drown if they eat, but that is not the case. The halucinating part may be the cause of morphine or other painkiller. You need to know what painkillers he is taking. A child has a lot of legal rights to the medical information and I would have him consult a lawyer. Personally, I would never want to be in a hospice.

hardtobear · New User Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 7

I think that now is the time for you to contact his sons and get them to visit, as they are his sons if they were there the doctors or nurses would inform them of things, they are family after all, and surely now would be the ideal time so that father and sons can say there goodbyes, there is only one oppurtunity to say your goodbyes and get it right, with no regrets.

I think they must be aware that the outcome is not good to say the least, so anytime spent with him would be good right now. unfortunately the body can not cope that long with everything that is happening.

don't wait for his wife or whoever she is to grant them there visitation, you know in your heart of hearts that its time else you wouldn't of made this post.

all my best to you.

Tracypie · Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:50 am Post subject: Re: Advice needed ASAP, Please!!

I thought my parents were keeping details from me but the truth is that they weren't asking the right questions to the doctors so they were getting half ass answers.

I called the doctors myself and explained that I lived 3000 miles away and that I needed to prepare. They were brutally honest with me.

The other thing is that after I did research and knew what the outcome was, my brothe and I chose not to disclose it to my parents because we wanted them to think positively. The thing is that my dad was in denial and he really really thought she was coming home. And that made me sad afterwards. He called me a month after she died and for an hour was crying on the phone about what killed her. You see, my mom had a DNR (do not resuccitate) form signed. But then she left the hospital for 6 days to go into a nursing home. When she returned to the hospital for her last 2 weeks, another DNR needed to be signed and it wasn't. When she passed, they tried to revive her. My dad had to sign off on not getting an autopsy otherwise, they wouldn't remove the apparatus. That's what made him so sad. He felt like the autopsy would have given him closure and told him exactly what killed her. It broke my heart to have to tell him that it was the cancer and all of the side effects that went with it and that the side effects are what kill most people.

So I wouldn't say that your aunt is witholding information necessarily. She herself may either be in denial, or may not be asking the right questions.

Either way - his sons should know. And I think you did the right thing by "snitching".

Good luck to you and God Bless.

Sincerely,
Tracy
_________________
Tracy Sestili
CEO of The Beverly Fund:Curing lung cancer one breath at a time (TM)
http://www.beverlyfund.org

	Cancer Forums Forum Index -> Lung Cancer Forum	All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

A website for discussions about any type of cancer, including lung cancer, breast cancer, mesothelioma, prostate cancer, laryngeal cancer, leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma and others