Embarrassed about his appearance..

eastender · New User Joined: 23 Feb 2006 Posts: 7

Hi my name is Gabby, and I am new.My father was diagnosed with Esophageal cancer,which has spread to his liver, and it has devastated our family.
I am a single parent with two children, have no other family apart from my mum. The thing is my dad has been like a father to my 2 children, and there is a very strong bond between them and him, but there seems to be an embarrassing barrier between my father and the children, both not wanting to see the other. My father, because he is scared of frightening the children, because he has become so thin, and my children, also frightened of how grandad is going to look. He also no longer wants to eat in front of anybody, as understandably he is having trouble swallowing his food...I have suggested that we dont go round for dinner, just go round, so that my children can see their grandad, as we really dont know how long he has..please can anyone shed any light on this problem? thank you for your replies, Gabby.

cjago · Regular Joined: 14 Jan 2006 Posts: 42

You don't say how old your kids are - presumably if they're old enough to understand that he is very ill and be frightened of seeing him, then they're old enough to have regrets later in life if he dies without them having seen him.

Can you think of any new game/film/toy/whatever that they would really like and he would get pleasure from watching them enjoy and maybe help them a bit with setting something up? If you could go to visit bringing an exciting new something-or-other, the embarrassment on both sides might get swept away by the interest in the new thing; you wouldn't all just be sitting looking at each other not knowing what to say.

Maybe just an hour, or however long he can normally manage without getting too tired to enjoy being involved. You can tell everyone in advance that you're going to need to leave at a certain time for some specific reason. (Ideally, think of something that's a good excuse but isn't actually that important, so if everyone is having a nice time you can stretch it a bit).

Even better if there was some reason why the whatever-it-is had to live at his house, so that repeat visits would be easier. But quite liklely, once they've seen him for a little while and had a bit of a laugh, the ice would be broken for next time.

Good luck
_________________
adenocarcinoma of the breast, now widely metastatic (stomach, liver, pelvis, pancreas, bones, skin)
survived 11 years so far

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