Husband thinks he is cured. He is so angry. Help please.

sheilakaye1948

My husband went to the doctor yesterday barely able to walk and was so weak that the doctor had serious doubts about going on with the Chemo. My husband wanted to go on so they gave him his chemo and he also gets steriods with it. He has lung cancer that has spread to his heart. He has had two seperate plueral and heart effussions. This last time they had to put Bleomycin and talc in his lung and around his heart to prevent future leakage. My daughter and I had to basically carry him to the car and back in the house. When we got in the house he became very angry and said he was tired of being an invalid and just went into a total rage. Today he doesn't want me to do anything for him. He wanted to get dressed and go grocery shopping but then got mad because the Home Health Nurse came. She says the steriods could be making him angry. He told her that he no longer needs her services because he is getting cured. He says he feels so much better today and the chemo is really working. I am feeling so angry because for the last 4 weeks I've had to do everything for him and now he doesn't want me to do anything for him. Is this normal behavior and am I wrong for feeling the anger? What do you think is going on with him? Please give me some kind of advise.
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God Bless Sheilakaye

rlee · Site Admin Joined: 15 Jan 2006 Posts: 245

I'm sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds like your husband has advanced lung cancer, either stage III or IV. What does your medical team say? What type of lung cancer is this non-small cell or small cell lung cancer? If he has advanced lung cancer stage III, cure occurs in the minority of patients. If it's stage IV, cure is unlikely. I'm concerned the steroids could be changing his personality. Another possibility could be his fustration and/or depression with the whole situation. Often people act out when they become scared or disheartened with the situation. Have you considered pychotherapy? Finally, with any advance cancer, brain metastasis is a possibility and certain locations can cause personality changes. I would address your concerns with your medical team for further evaluation and treatment.

RLee, MD
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RLee, MD

Any information provided is NOT intended to provide specific medical advice to users but rather to provide users with information to help them better understand their health condition and related care. All readers are strongly encouraged to consult with a qualified physician for answers to their personal medical questions.

sheilakaye1948

Our doctor is vague about what stage he is in. He says it only makes the patient that much more depressed. I did call the doctor and told him about my husbands behavior. His blood sugar was also high because of the steriods and the doctor said that could add to his mood swings. Our doctor has never really said if it is small cell or non-small cell. He has told us that he really doesn't see the Chemo doing much but my husband wants to keep trying. the doctor suggest we wait for a few days and see how he is trully doing, that perhaps he is trying to convine himself and all of us that he isn't as sick as we think. Denial the doctor says.
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God Bless Sheilakaye

brainman

First, make the doctor be “un-vague”! No doctor has the right to withhold information from his/her patients. Don’t be rude about it, but asked: “I want to know what cell-type and grade of cancer my husband has.”

Second, your husband has all the reason in the world to be angry! From an independent life-style, he is now dependent. From the promise of a long life, he is now facing a much shorter and much lower quality of life. Add on top of this possible clinical depression, the effect of steroids and possible brain metastases… a soup of anger.

Consider what RLee recommended. There are ways of helping your husband improve his quality of life, but you will first have to get past his anger. Talk with you husband about how YOU feel angry too. Try to identify with him but also tell him how his mood is affecting his family. He may not realize how difficult this is for you too. And if all fails, love him in his anger. It is not easy to do, but it can be done.

My heart goes out to the two of you.
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Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

sheilakaye1948

My husband went for his Chemo today and I had a long talk with the doctor. My husband has non-small cell lung cancer and he is in stage IV. For his anger the doctor ordered Xanax every 8 hours and Lexapro once a day. When we got home he refused to take it. Thnak-God I had asked the dotor if I could put it in his food and he said I could. He was angry with the nurses today even. The doctor talked to him along time about his right to feel anger at his diagnosis and how this medicine would help him to relax but my husband thinks I want him to become a Zombie.
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God Bless Sheilakaye

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