Yet another BLOW for my dad and my family

mommysgirl

Hi Forum,
Well have you ever heard that God will only give you as much as you can handle?? I have said that so many times in the past. I do not know how my family and I can handle much more. My dad, who is one of the greatest men in the world (no, I am not prejudice IT'S TRUE) The person who just helped nurse my mom through her NSCLC only to lose her may be faced with a battle of his own. My dad is 69 and had been healthy his whole life. Still to this day the only medication he takes is advair diskus and an aspirin every day. In 2001 he was diagnosed with colon cancer. He had radiation, chemo, bowel resection, and then continued chemo. He has been cancer free since. He was the strongest of any person I have ever seen go through cancer treatments. He was just plain mad about having to have a central line because this prevented him from being able to golf. Throughout the nine month process this was his only complaint EVER. He continued to work every day. He had a chemo pump, so he was able to go on about his life. He has been cancer free(colon) since. In 2002 his family doctor wanted him to see a pulmonologist because he had emphysema (at least that is what he and my mom said) This was understandable since my dad was a life long smoker, and just quit about 10 years ago. So in the last several years he has had yearly appt. with the lung doctor. I have always assumed everything was okay. My mom was here for all this so she took care of everything. He was on advair and he would get trasient lung infections, maybe 3 a year and have to be on antibiotics. And on occassion cough up a little blood. All this perfectly normal for COPD. We always actually counted our blessings because at my dads age his lungs could be a lot worse. He needed no supplemental oxygen, was able to go to work everday, still golf 4-5 times a week and go on with his life. Last week he called and said I am coughing up blood and it is more than normal. I suggested he wait until the next day and if it was still frank blood that I think he should call the doctor. The next day it was still more than he was used to and still fresh blood so he went to the family doctor. The family doctor sent him for a chest x-ray, and then called and said he wanted him to return for a chest CT because there was something on the x-ray. So the CT was done and the doctor called and simply told my dad that is was abnormal and he wanted him to go and see his pulmonary doctor. He has a 3 week wait for his appt. because the doctor is away on vacation. This wait is going to be unbearable. In the meantime my dad has asked me not to tell my siblings anything for now, and I am fine with that. I think he just called me because I am the nurse in the family. So in the meantime we have obtained the radiology reports and boy was I shocked. None of the reports even mentioned COPD or emphysema. They say chronic fibrosis of the lungs. So I was a little surprised by that, although I know the symptoms and the disease process are quite similiar. Other wise the CT scan aslo showed a soft tissue density in the right upper lobe which could represent indolent metastasis. There is also a nodule in the right base. There is enlargement of the left adrenal gland. I know that colon cancer likes to go to the liver and also the lung. He has not had any scans of his liver yet and that scares me. I am going to have a hard time waiting. It always seems like such a long wait, and through the holidays which were already going to be difficult enough. Please pray for my dad as I don't know that I can go through this again so soon.
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mommysgirl

My mom's story
http://cancerforums.net/about7278.html

My dad's story
http://cancerforums.net/about8169.html

brainman

Oh, mommysgirl, I am so sorry about your father's health problems. It does sound like you and your family have been through a lot. You are not alone. I lost my grandfather, 2 uncles, my mother, and my father to some form of cancer. I am a cancer survivor myself. Because I was a hospital chaplain for many years, I was the first person from my generation that the family contacted.

I cannot begin to say how sorry I am that you have to wait 3 weeks before having any dialogue with your father's doctor! You will have to keep this "secret" over Christmas!!!

You and your father are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Pray4Mom · Regular Joined: 29 Aug 2007 Posts: 48

Oh Mommysgirl, may God give you the enormous grace you need during this time. I also pray for your father's healing and that both of you experience his nearness. One of the most painful experiences is the loss of a loved one, even when we have faith. I always trust that God knows when it is "our time" and that He makes all things good.

It sounds like you have had a very close relationship with both of your parents and this is so precious. You are blessed to have such a legacy in your life.

May you and your family have peace and quiet confidence during this time.

I do pray that your father will have more years of life extended to him and that He comforts you with peace.
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Katherine
California

passcon93 · Regular Joined: 25 Oct 2007 Posts: 11 Location: CT

mommys girl,
I read your whole post and can't believe what terrible shock you must be in. It sounds like your dad is a strong man and he has you Smile

I am so sorry that you are having this come so soon after losing your mom. I hope everything turns out okay.
Robyn

mommysgirl

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. The last word form my dad is that the lung doctor cannot get him in until January 23 Sad

That means we have to wait over 4 weeks instead of 3. The only thing that keeps me going is that my dad is taking this all in stride. He said he is going south until the second week of January anyways, and 4 weeks is not going to make a difference in the outcome anyway. I will keep you posted. Thanks again for all your thoughtful comments and prayers.
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mommysgirl

My mom's story
http://cancerforums.net/about7278.html

My dad's story
http://cancerforums.net/about8169.html

RLW1 · Regular Joined: 03 Nov 2007 Posts: 31

Mommysgirl,
Having just lost my wife too, I understand your Dad's attitude about the "outcome." He's unafraid of whatever comes next. Life has already dealt him the cruelest hurt with your Mom's death. So take comfort in his strength and follow the advice you gave me ... enjoy every day with him to the fullest. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
rlw1

mommysgirl

RLW1
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am so very glad to see you still checking in, and I hope you are doing okay. I know Christmas will be hard this year, and probably many more years. I think my dad had the right idea in disappearing down south for the holiday. I just hope he manages to have a good time. All I want is for him to be as happy as he can manage to be and whatever that takes is fine with me. He left on Thursday and has come across sunny weather and is planning on golfing which is one of his favorite things to do. Cool

I hope he has fun. Thanks again for checking in, and I hope you and your family have a good christmas.
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mommysgirl

My mom's story
http://cancerforums.net/about7278.html

My dad's story
http://cancerforums.net/about8169.html

mommysgirl

WOW There was a glitch in that post. I guess I wanted to post it three times Razz

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mommysgirl

My mom's story
http://cancerforums.net/about7278.html

My dad's story
http://cancerforums.net/about8169.html

brainman

Hi mommysgirl. I took care of the multiple posts for you Wink

. Let me guess, you got a "Debug" error message and you resubmitted your post? Laughing

. It happens to all of us if we post long enough.

I am glad that your father is having fun this Christmas. Good for him Smile

. It sounds like you are a "daddysgirl" Wink

.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

mommysgirl

Brainman,
You are exactly right. Boy they don't call you brainman for nuthin do they Wink

I really don't care where my dad goes or what he does as long as he has fun... Cool

And yes I guess I am a daddy's girl toooooo. Laughing

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mommysgirl

My mom's story
http://cancerforums.net/about7278.html

My dad's story
http://cancerforums.net/about8169.html

RLW1 · Regular Joined: 03 Nov 2007 Posts: 31

Daddysgirl (and still Mommysgirl too),
I look at the forum almost every day whether I post or not. With all due respect for my family and friends, they haven't "been there - done that." You, and the others who participate in the forum, have. Maybe it's that connection which draws me here. My hope is that something I say will hit home for someone needing to see it, even if it is only to remind her of something she said to me.
Christmas was my wife's favorite holiday. I'm reading her journals which bring both tears and smiles of Christmas's past. Yes, it will be a quiet Christmas this year, but not without love and the warmth of wonderful memories. May God bless and keep you all.

mommysgirl

RLW1
Yeah my mom loved Christmas. Lord only know that she had 17 grand-kids and 3 great-grandkids to spoil on the holiday. My husband, myself and the children plan on watching some old home movies this year on Christmas. It is important to me to not celebrate it without her, and this is going to be my way of her being here with us. I know I will shed some tears, as I miss her so much, but I know I will have a lot of laughs and smiles at all of the wonderful memories. Have a good holiday...
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mommysgirl

My mom's story
http://cancerforums.net/about7278.html

My dad's story
http://cancerforums.net/about8169.html

helensgirl

hi mommy'sgirl,
i wish your dad absolutely the best. i'm going to allow myself to pout this Christmas b/c my wonderful mom can't be there--at least physically...guess i should make it as great as she would have wanted me to, but i'm kinda angry--so i'm gonna pout. not angry with her...angry with the doctors, the chemo that made her so weak she couldn't walk, the whole situation--maybe even a little bit angry with..., well, i guess i shouldn't go that far...i know He knows what He's doing. Sorry for the negativity...you are always so positive in your posts to me. So, "chin up" and have a great holiday-truly...
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

mommysgirl

Dear Helensgirl

Oh if you only knew the anger that I had as well. I am a lot more positive now then in the beginning. If you read some of my former posts you will see that POUTING is exactly what I did for Thanksgiving. My whole family was at my dad's house, and I didn't go. I sent my husband and my children to my in-laws and I stayed home by myself, and yes,,, pouted. All of the anger is part of the grieving process, and as PBJ also has said every one grieves differently, and has many different emotions. My family mostly took their anger out on my moms family doctor for not finding the cancer sooner, and then there was the oncologist for giving us too much hope?? The point is that everyone deserves to grieve in their own way. I personally withdrew from my entire family for almost a month after my moms death. I wouldn't even take calls from my sister for over two weeks. She called like 20 times. Finally one night I told my husband that the next time she called that I would talk to her. The reason was because about that time I could visually see my mom looking down on me from heaven and totally giving me the riot act for the way I was acting. It was at that time I realized that if my mom were alive I would be in really deep trouble for acting the way I was. So DO NOT ever feel bad for any of the emotion that you feel. And believe me one day you will be on here giving another positive emotions as well. Have a great Sunday....
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mommysgirl

My mom's story
http://cancerforums.net/about7278.html

My dad's story
http://cancerforums.net/about8169.html

helensgirl

mommy'sg,
i am so angry with her oncol.!!! i feel like she would still be with us if he had just done some palliative radiation--but no chemo...she was 80 years old, for gosh sakes...too old to be put through Gemzar--THAT'S what got her. her cancer was still confined to her lung, ONE lung, when she passed away---NO METASTASIS AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! (except for her lymph nodes)...she could have lived out her remaining days without those unbelieveable horrible effects of chemo--ESPECIALLY gemzar. In a way, I feel like she went before her time...but she just gave up when she could no longer walk or use the bathroom on her own...among other terrible things. I AM SORRY!!!! here I am in your forum, talking about myself...please accept my apologies!!
_________________
...keeping the faith in n.c.
Helen, my wonderful mom, diagnosed May, 07
fought-stage 4 NSCLC, (adenocarcinoma)
earned her place in Heaven, Dec. 14th, 07

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