New-any advice would help!

kedmunds · New User Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 4

I have been lurking for a week and have finally decided to post. My heart and prayers go out to everyone here. I have learned so much from your posts, I think much more than I ever wanted to know.

My father-in-law was diagnosed with PC on 11/12. He had been vomiting for weeks and had lost 30 lbs. when he went to the ER. They put a stent in so now he can eat without vomiting. He is the type of man who does not communicate well especially about this cancer. The hospital sent him home, he is not a candidate for surgery (we don't know why), the doctor set up hospice care which is now daily visits for pain management. My father-in-law had been lying about his pain until 2 days ago when he counldn't stand it anymore. We found out today that he now is using a walker to get around-he has never used one before. He is 76 and blind. My husband is on his way to Phoenix, where FIL lives, as I write this. We live in a nearby state. He does not have any jaundice. I don't have any info. about the stage or if it has mestatized. Can anyone give us an approximation, based on what I've told you, how much time does my FIL have, how rapid will this cancer move? I know I really am in the dark at this point, hopefully when my husband gets there he will be able to get more information. I will appreciate any info. anyone can give. One more thing my FIL has opted out of chemo or radiation. Thank you all so very much!

brainman · Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 3:31 am Post subject: Re: New-any advice would help!

Hi kedmunds, I am very sorry about your father-in-law's Pancreatic Cancer. PC is one of the worst cancers because it is so devastating to the person's health, hard to treat, and has a very poor prognosis. Unfortunately, no one can even venture a guess and to how long he has without knowing more about him and his cancer... specifically, stage and grade. The stage is a measure of size and how far it has spread. The grade is a measure of how the cells look under the microscope... how different are they from normal cells. Grade is a measure of how aggressive the cancer is. Stage and Grade as usually rather closely related but not always. If the found that the cancer is very aggressive (high grade) but before it had a chance to metastasize (low stage), his chances are reasonably good to live at least a few years. If it is high grade and high stage, then his prognosis is not so good and you are looking at less than 3 years with aggressive treatment.

Sorry that I cannot be more specific. Let us know how things are going once you hear from your husband.

You and your FIL are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

kedmunds · New User Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 4

Dear Brainman, Thank you for your quick reply! My husband expects to meet with my FIL's Dr. next week. I have shared your email and explanations it will help him ask better questions. As I said in my first post, I have been lurking for a while and have come to the conclusion that you are a very faithfull and compassionate person. Bless you and you are in my prayers. Sincerely, kedmunds

brainman · Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 8:55 pm Post subject: Re: New-any advice would help!

Thank you kedmunds for the kind words. I hope your husband gets the answers he need to help his father make informed decision. Some people like for the doctors to make all the decisions for them. I am not one of those Smile

. I like to know what I am up against and what my options are in terms or treatment. I wish your FIL well.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

kedmunds · New User Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 4

The doctor said it was beyond that and did not have a stage or grade to give us. She said my fil needed to focus on pallative care and the quality of life he has left. Has anyone had this happen to them and how much time does he have? Thanks so much for your replies. Kedmunds

Big Sister · Experienced user Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Posts: 67

Hello, Kedmunds -- Most of us who post on this forum came here out of desperation to find information and hope, whether for ourselves or our loved ones.

Information is plentiful here -- there are drugs and procedures; there is surgery as well, if you're lucky.

For most of us, though, the answers we hoped for were never here.

Today is the one-year anniversary of my brother's death. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer in October 2006 and died 8 weeks later.

Geoff was never a candidate for surgery as the cancer had already metastacized to his liver and small bowel by the time they found it. Up to the moment of diagnosis he had been a strong, healthy 61-year-old man with only a mild backache as indicator that something was wrong.

By the time the cancer was identified, even the doctors cried, for there was no hope for him - ever.

Palliative treatment started one month after diagnosis; it continued until death and allowed his family some relief.

Because you live away from your father-in-law, you ask how long he has, probably with an eye to how best to help long distance and what should your next steps be. I offer this answer based on my experiences and those of others who post here:

From the day my brother was diagnosed until his death, my life and that of his wife/children was put on hold. He lived 12 hours from me and so weekends became travel times. In the early weeks, we watched movies together, played cards, talked about family and sang together. As the disease progressed and his strength diminished, I read to him, listened to music with him, prayed with him, discussed legal stuff with him and cried with him. One of my sons organized an extended family Thanksgiving gathering and all of us, from across the country and beyond, traveled to my brother's town to eat turkey and pumpkin pie with him, and to celebration his life and the love of family.

All of us had jobs then and took all the vacation/personal time we could during those two months. We stayed in hotels, motels and bed/breakfasts. My dog, like other pets in the family, spent more time in the kennel than out. Christmas was non-existent last year as my brother was buried three days before and there was no strength left to celebrate anything.

When we at last returned to our own homes, we were spent, wrung out and broke.

That's the nuts and bolts of dying, Kedmunds; it stops us all in our tracks and changes everything, whether we schedule it or not. But paying attention to the needs of a loved one in the final throes of life will come back later in grand measure to ease your mind and fill your heart with the joy that comes from knowing that you did all you could to ease his travel between this world and the next.

Today I mourn my brother anew. I look at family photos and remember him as larger than life, not as a sick man with only hours left. I see a fine man with a grand sense of humor and concern for everyone. I remember our last laughs and warm embraces. I remember our phone calls, twice daily during the work week, and the final one the night before he passed.

And I know that if it were I in his situation, I would want my family to move in fast, to close the space between us quickly so that I could understand, as he did, that he was vitally important to all of us and that the family will endure, whether or not an important member leaves.

I wish you and your husband strength for this most agonizing journey.

Big Sister

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