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bestfriends
New User
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
Location: australia
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 Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:04 am Post subject: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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 Hi everyone
Im new to the site but sadly not new to the rollercoaster called cancer. 6 months ago I watched my father inlaw die of prostate cancer, 3 years previous it was my mother inlaw, Now its my only & bestest friend I just dont know if Im strong enough for this ride
She has a 13 year old daughter to whom will be left in my care after she's gone.. There is no one else to take this girl & i can tell you she is a hand full at the best of times " spoilt rotten to boot it all off 
Im just going totally nuts my friend lives 8 hours away & she's covering alot up, I only found out she was terminal over the weekend thanks to one of her friends ringing me & telling me exactly what was going on..
Her cancer is in both lungs one breast & now a small sign in her hip.. Im told its a very aggresive cancer & her time is limited.. They stop her cemo this week, The hardest thing is she still thinks theres a cure out there & is hiding the truth from her daughter.. The truth is??? I just dont know how to deal with it all or if i can??? Im so scared I will fail them both in the long run..
Her friends say she may have weeks maybe months the dr's wouldn't be clear but the pallitive care team has spoken with them to be prepared to find her dead at any time basically.. Im planning a trip this week to find out how she is for myself but i know Im going to have to be the one to try & make her face reality, she thinks she will get into the drug trails in melbourne but I really cant see that happening, she also thinks she's going to be able to go to a horse show with her daughter in febuary & is promissing her this... This is all so screwed up..
Dose anyone have any advise on how to approach any of this...  |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3040
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:31 pm Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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Hi bestfriends. I am so very sorry for all of the cancers you have faced in your life... especially now your friend's cancer and all the implications that has for you.
Are you a mother already or will this be your first time? Adopting a 13 year old girl will be hard but if your friend thinks that you can do it, that should be encouraging to you. I am not saying it will be easy. That time in any young girl's (or boy's) life can be very traumatic. Add on top of that the death of her mother and moving away from her home town to live with you will really be hard on that young girl... not to even say how hard it will be on you! If I were you, I would try to find a therapist who works with children and start to talk with the therapist now to learn what to expect. Express your anxieties about this whole situation so that whenever the young girl does come to live with you, you do not have to deal with your own anxieties as much and so that you understand some of the thing she is feeling.
To me, it does sound like you are on the right path. Coming to this site is a first step in the right direction to learn how to cope with this situation. Do you have your own support network in place?
A clarification: Does your friend have a primary breast cancer that has metastasized to her lungs and hip? That is the usual path. If so, it is an aggressive cancer. However, with aggressive treatment, she could live for several more months if not years. I am afraid that there is no cure for any kind of cancer... just ways to control it and put it into remission for a while.
I do not mean to be flippant about your situation, but your story does remind my of the movie "Beaches" in that your best friend is dying and leaving her daughter into your care. She must know something about you or she would not entrust you with something so special.
You and your friend and her daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/ |
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bestfriends
New User
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
Location: australia
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| Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 11:34 pm Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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Thanks Brainman, Now you mention it, It does sound like Beaches,,
I spoke with my friend today & told her I new the hole story, we had a good talk & I understanding her need for hope now.. as thats all she has..
The cancer started on the outside of the lung she had cemo & when finished they basicly told us it wasn't cancer??? A month or so later her nipple inverted & she was diagnosed with breast cancer,, Started her on the next lot of cemo, then half way threw they say its not working & they were stopping the treatment,, One lung is apparently like a spiderweb in the exrays with a small spot showing on the other lung.. My friends biggest argument its it's not [b]in[/b] the lung I dont think there's much difference is there wheather its inside or outside of the lung..She claims the spot on the hip hasn't been confirmed as cancer, The Dr's aren't sure..
She was still holding hope that there is a cure for her I dont know if I did the right thing or not but I told her straight that there isn't just things to help the quality of life & sometimes giving a few extra months..I think she really listened this time but she said she still needs to go to Melbourne have all the scans & tests again just to be sure & I totally understand her need to do that now..
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3040
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 11:50 pm Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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They did chemo without a confirmation about what kind of cancer she really had???  If so, I absolutely and totally agree that she should go somewhere else. Did they even do a biopsy when they diagnosed her with breast cancer? Although it sounds like cancer, it might not be if they did not confirm it with a biopsy. I cannot really express to you how I feel about this on the forum but I am very angry with her medical team if they did not do a biopsy of this "what ever it is" on her lung  .
I am glad that you got a chance to talk directly with your friend. Although, as I said before, a true cure is unrealistic, I do hope and wish for your friend to still have a long and meaningful life.
I am moving this topic to the breast cancer forum because you will get a lot of help from the women there.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/ |
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bestfriends
New User
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
Location: australia
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| Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 5:57 am Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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Hi Brainman
They did a biopsy on the lung right at the start, Jan said they couldn't confirm if it was cancer or not ( I think that she may have just been covering up) as they started her on the cemo straight away " the one that takes around 4 hours" Im told the strongest but I dont know?.. 
When she had finished the cemo " she said " the Dr's weren't sure it was cancer but there was cancer??? I couldn't make any sense out of it.. Then about a month later her nipple inverted & she went for all the scan's & a biopsy again which came back positive to cancer so this is when they started the second cemo.. Half way threw they stop it & say it's not working due to her lungs getting worse & possibly spreading??
Im told she only weigh's about 47kg now & barely get's out of bed using oxygen a fair bit.. She keeps saying its all because of the chest infection but the Dr's are saying it's the cancer..
If there was a smiley pulling its hair out I would insert it over & over & over right now..LOL.. |
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ksplat
Moderator
Joined: 26 Apr 2007
Posts: 348
Location: Brisbane, Australia
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| Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:37 pm Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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Hi bestfriends
So sorry to read about your friend's cancer. It's not fair on any sufferer, but she has a young daughter & this will be an even harder "journey" for you. I admire you for your strength & love for your friend & her family. Coming to this forum will be of great benefit to you. The members on this forum have become my support team since finding out about my Bro's brain tumour in Feb this year.
My Bro is still staying positive & strong & fighting hard. It sounds to me like your friend has the same fighting spirit & personality traits & if she plans to be taking her daughter to the "horse show" in Feb I would be focusing on the positive effects these plans would be holding for your friend & her daughter.
As for being the carer of her daughter, this will be a huge responsibility & you will need to get support for yourself (as Jim suggested) so you can be the best step-parent for her. This must be a hugely daunting life change for you & I pray you have family/friend support for both yourself & your friend's daughter.
None of us know when our time will come? Cancer sufferers know their life will be shorter. Make every day count with your friend. I pray she & her daughter will have plenty of quality time left & this journey is not so "rocky" for you all. Thinking of you. Stay strong & positive!
Cheers, Aussie Angie.
_________________
Brother has GBMIV
Diagnosed Feb 07
46 Yrs young!
"Without Faith We Have Nothing" |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3040
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 4:42 am Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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Bestfriends, just a short note to say I am still thinking about and praying for your friend. How is your friend doing? How are you doing?
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/
Last edited by brainman on Mon Dec 03, 2007 10:34 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Muttsmom
Senior User
Joined: 30 Sep 2004
Posts: 631
Location: Northern AL
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| Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 9:57 pm Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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This will be my final post on this forum, but I felt the need to say something as a cancer "Survivor".
In regards to the statement:
Cancer sufferers know their life will be shorter
Cancer isn't a death sentence and depending on what kind of cancer and how one responds to treatment, there is no reason to think that cancer "suvivors" can't live a normal, happy and healthy life. That's why we go through treatment. Of course, not all will live full lives, but that could be said for all diseases.
Newbies, don't be discouraged. I was only 43, Stage III with 9+ nodes and it will soon be 6 years and NO signs of cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_________________
Nancy
2/14/02 ILC 43 - 5.5 cm 9+/16 nodes
Stage IIIA er/pr+ Her2-
2/02 MRM
FECx6 radsx33
Tamoxifen - Arimidex (chemo induced menopause)
4/03 SM w/bilat. recon.
9/03 expanders removed
5/04 repair reconst. disaster
10/04 Actonel for bone/joint pain from Arimidex
NED - 5 years
3/07 Diabetes
In memory of Kim 12/1/04 |
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bestfriends
New User
Joined: 26 Nov 2007
Posts: 7
Location: australia
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| Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 6:57 pm Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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Hi everyone sadly my friend passed away on Friday the 7th dec 07.. I was with her when she passed which i thank God for.. She is a peace now no more pain.. Thank you for everones support & I wish everyone the very best in their fight against cancer.. God bless you all..
In Loving memory of my best friend Jenny I will always cherrish the time we shared & the friendship you gave me.... |
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In
Moderator
Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1081
Location: AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 10:39 pm Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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I'm so sorry to hear about the lost of your best friend. I know she will be sadly missed by you. She was truly blessed to have a best friend like you.
Take Care of yourself, and remember the good times.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica
**Administrator**
~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~
My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731
 9 Lives and still kicking |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3040
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 2:13 am Post subject: Re: I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS AGAIN |
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bestfriend, I am very sorry about Jenny's death . You were a very good friend to stand by her for so long. I think both of you were a blessing to each other. I hope you are OK. Keep in touch.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/ |
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