Newbie not coping at all with mom's terminal diagnosis(long)

lpschmidt · New User Joined: 20 Aug 2007 Posts: 2

Hi.
I've been reading this board and think it is so wonderful. I feel like I can relate to so many of you. My mom, who is my best friend and an amazing grandma to my 3 young girls, was just diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer with mets on her ovary, huge mets on her liver, and a small met on one lung. Inoperable and terminal is what we are told.

She is 64 years young---spunky, beautiful lady. In the last 2 weeks since her diagnosis she went from a woman who looked more like 54 to one that acts and looks like 74. I know depression has set in. She starts chemo tomorrow. 5FU-6 with avastin. Her liver is HUGE. You can see it under her rib cage. I am so scared. She heard the word terminal and lost her spark...
How can I help her maintain her spunk. I know the chemo is going to wear her down even more. Is there a time between rounds that people actually feel good? My emotions are all over the place. I'm doing a lousy job of being a mom and a wife right now. I would rather just hide in my room. I know I will snap out of this---I have a lot of support---it's just all so new.

The emotional part is crazy. I am very scared, sad, we make a few jokes, but I am angry too. Not at God, but at my mom. I have been on her for years to get a colonoscopy. If only she had... I know it does no good to think that way. It is what it is now. I just can't help it. I'm the one being left behind. I have to figure out a way to live in this world without her. She's not going to be here to see my girls give me as much hell as teenagers as I gave her. Where's the justice in that?

I know this post is all over the place, but that kind of sums up my life right now. I am so sorry for all of you who are suffering from or because of this horrible disease. Any thoughts on how to cope or if anyone needs to vent too, please feel free to respond.

Laura

brainman

Laura, I am so sorry to hear about your mother's advanced cancer! I was my mother's and father's care providers during their cancers and deaths. Their deaths left me totally alone. It was especially hard to see my father going downhill from a creative, productive, and independent individual to someone who almost totally depended on me. It was hard for him as well. I was able to find a few things that we could do together to make his life at least a little more enjoyable. Even the day before he died, we listened to the Metropolitan Opera's radio broadcast on Saturday afternoon. That is something we did almost every Saturday so it held a lot of meaning to both of us. Is there anything like that in your mother's life?

Although you might not be the type of mother or wife you would like to be at this time, I hope (and assume) that your husband understands and can help you with your children. You do need some time alone so don't beat yourself up for needing to hide in your room. If it get really bad, you may be going through depression... not unusual for a care provider. You might want to ask your doctor for a mild antidepressant to help you through the darkness.

Talk with your mother's medical team about her behavior changes... they may be able to help her. It sounds like she might be depressed as well... again, not unusual for someone diagnosed with cancer.

I will keep you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

cdflisa · Regular Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 21

Laura,

I just want to let you know that I will say a prayer for you and your mother to get through this. I know this is a very hard time for everyone, but do the best you can, and I am sure it will be more than enough.

My mom was very lucky when she had chemo treatments. She did not get sick at all and the only thing that really happened was she didnt eat for a day. She bounced back pretty well about a week after chemo. Her first few rounds of chemo, I wouldn't even had known she was doing it, if it wasn't for her hair falling out. I think some people take to chemo a lot better than others. I hope that is the way it will be with your mom. My mom was a very strong person and very healthy, until the diagnosis of stage IV lung cancer.

It sure isn't an easy thing to think about, being in this world without your mom. Just cherish the time that you do have together and say whatever you want to say to her.

Take Care,

Lisa

lpschmidt · New User Joined: 20 Aug 2007 Posts: 2

I'm sure I will continue to be in touch and read and relate to everyone. My journey with mom's cancer is just beginning. She started chemo today. Wow--was that a reality check. SHe was throwing up before they could get her pump connected. SHe was feeling pretty good up until the end of her "bags of junk". I felt so helpless. She is such a proud and put together lady...it was hard for her to be that humbled in front of so many people. She continues the fight!!!!

Laura
mom w/stage 4 colon cancer (mets on liver, ovary and spot on lung)
Folfox 5FU-6 and later to add avastin

bfriend · Regular Joined: 24 Sep 2007 Posts: 16 Location: new york

Hi, I'm new here and my mother has advanced unoperable lung cancer spread to medistinum lymph nodes. It also is affecting her bronchi and growing rapidly. Doctors say its not curable but treatable for now. She has begun radiation and will also be receiving chemotherapy. We do not yet know the type of cancer because they could not get a cell sample until today. We should know on Monday what type she has. My coping strategy for the day at my mothers request is to live for today one day at a time. So far so good! She is wise and selfless. My best wishes to you and your mother.

toonecs · New User Joined: 27 Sep 2007 Posts: 6

Hi laura,

I am new here aswell and my mom is down to her last few days with us. I really feel for you, you are going to go through a whole range of emotions and it is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done. All I can say is spend as much time with your mom as you can, cherish every moment. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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