New here and not sure if this is the right site or not!

~angie~ · New User Joined: 16 May 2007 Posts: 2

Hi there,

I just recently lost my mother to kidney cancer. Let me start from the beginnning I will just skim over her story....in OCT of 06' she started bleeding in her pee so I got to her DR and ran test found out she had a tumor of some sorts after dealing with a very retarded dr I made them transfer her to another place that I knew was better. The first dr was running a bunch of tests that weren't needed. In the end of Nov we found a kidney specialist he removerd the kindey and tumor dec 1. He said everything went great. But the tumor weighed ten pounds. We came to found out at the beginning of Jan that the whole mass was cancer. From there things went down hill first it was just cancer then it was terminal cancer by Feb. She was hospitalized and then found out she only had 6 months to a year to live. In March I took for her checkup and I talked with the dr privately and he said that it would be a mircale if she was here for the summer. So I made the decision to still put her on a oral chemo. Hoping and prayig that a she might make it through. I watched her get weakier and weakier I made all her decision for her. Easter I planned for her bf and her have a "wedding" it wasn't a real one but she thought it was. And that was the first time I seen her happy in a long time. And then 4/11 I took her to the drs and he thought the chemo was working. Wanted us to come in a month and get scans done. 4/12 she passed away she had a great day...she was happy and smiling and for once she wanted to eat and get a bath I told her in the morning I would bath her....I left her at 6:30 and at 7:15 she started bleeding and having like a seizer... I rushed to my grandparents where she was staying and she couldn't even speak to me. The EMT was already there...I told them her wishes of DNR and they followed her wished. But now I blame myself...I never got her a second opinion and I wasn't there when she started bleeding and I promised her I would not let her die anywhere but home. I am so tired of everyone saying it will be ok... and lying and saying I am ok cause I am not. I haven't dealt with any of this till now I was like a robot I was taking care of her and my son and not thinking about what was really going on. I can't sleep I have night mares every night and I miss her so much........
I try talking to family but they just don't seem to care... I did almost everything for her ( my grandparents watched her when I wasn't there). How do I cope now? Can anyone help me figure out how to move on?

Thank you anyone that can help me!
Angie
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Friends are angels who lift us up when our wings can't remember how to fly....

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 743 Location: UK

I am so sorry, Angie - you have been through so much, are still in shock, and will have much mourning to do. You are only at the start of the process. People have so many different ways to cope with their feelings at this difficult time. One thing is important to remember - crying is therapeutic. Another important point is that talking about your mother will help you. Don't hide her away. Let her be in your life still. There must be many good memories as well as the sad ones, It is so difficult when others in the family do not seem to want to share, but they too are in mourning and needing to find their way.

You must not blame yourself - from your account the outcome was inevitable. And she seems to have a happy few days at the end. You can take comfort from that.

~angie~ · New User Joined: 16 May 2007 Posts: 2

thank you so much for responding and all your kind words of advice....
i just don't know how to be strong for my son.....
_________________
Friends are angels who lift us up when our wings can't remember how to fly....

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