CANT FIND HAPPINESS

KDOG99 · New User Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 3

MY NAME IS MIKE AND AM 36 .I HAVE LOST BOTH PARENTS TO CANCER MY DAD 15 YEARS AGO-COLON AND MOM 5 MONTHS AGO TO LUNG CA. I REALIZE THAT MY CHILDREN (AGES 7THRU 5 MONTHS ) WILL NOT TRULY KNOW THER MOMMOM AND POPPOP AND FOR THAT I WILL NEVER BE FULLY HAPPY AGAIN IN MY LIFE . I MISS MY MOM AND DAD SO MUCH I JUST WISH I CAN TALK AND HOLD THEM ONE LAST TIME

fatherson · Regular Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Posts: 29 Location: Nottingham

Live for your kids, they are an extension of you as they are your parents.
They need there daddy, so look after them, be postitive and pass on what you learnt from your parents to your kids!
Your mom and dad are watching!!
Good luck and god bless.
_________________
Time is a virtue, spend it wisely.

brainman · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:21 am Post subject: Re: CANT FIND HAPPINESS

Hi Kdog,
I lost both of my parents due to cancer as well. Fortunately, my kids did get to know their grandparents. However, they did not get to know them as well as I would have wished. So, I take every opportunity they give me to share with them something about there grandparents. For example, my mother taught me how to cock. When I am cocking, I always tell my daughters and son about how my mother taught me. I have plants that were my mothers too. I always make sure they know the history behind each plant. This even goes farther back than just my mother since I also have African Violets that belonged to my grandmother. I have given my two oldest children African Violets from their great-grandmother. That is my way of passing on to them a little of their great-grandmother and grandmother.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

carol45 · New User Joined: 16 Aug 2006 Posts: 4

Dear Kdog99:

Your posting saddened me so I was compelled to write to you. I am so sorry about your losses. I know when someone dies it also brings up passed losses and sometimes it feels like re-grieving!

You will be happy again, but it may not be today or tommorrow. If you are having trouble coping and it is affecting your every day life seek help. Talk to a friend, counselor, priest, pastor, sibling, or healthcare provider, but do not go through this alone.

Your children will not know their grandparents in the way you would have hoped, but they will know them by what you talk about and memories you share with them.

I believe you will someday hug them again but until then the love you bestow on others is really the best gift that you can give both yourself and the memory of your parents.

I wish you the best, I wish for you acceptance.

roses4evver · Regular Joined: 16 Dec 2006 Posts: 30

Hello there KDOG99,

There are many of us that have been through what you have, including myself. I lost my mother to bone cancer 25 yrs ago , I was 21 and had been married 3 short yrs. I had to live without a mother most all my life and raise my children (2) without any grandparents except my Dad who lived 1,000 miles away. Then I lost my Dad 3 yrs ago in a nursing home that caused severe Osteomylitis. I was married for 18 1/2 yrs & divorced in 1999 and am 45 now.

I married again in 2006, just 4 1/2 short yrs ago. I married the most special man of my life time and a true soulmate. (never had that before and he was 59). We had a grand life together (not much on money but very long on love) until suddenly 12/15/06 we got the horrible diagnosis that my husband had pancreatic & liver cancer and maybe 6-12 mon to live. 12/15/06 was my husbands last full day he worked. On 12/18/06 he was admitted to the hospital and 12/23/06 aprox was receiving hospice care at home. a few days later on 12/31/06 my precious husband passed away...barely just 2 wks later. Boy was their time frame off BIG time.

Everything is very raw for me and my kids (22 &17) after loosing my husband so soon & being faced with loosing everything. But what I can tell you about loosing parents early in life is that you have to live life through them and transfer that love to your children. Make sure your family talks about the ones they have lost whether it upsets them or not. My kids still grieve over the grandparents to this day and are spoke about. It is very hard and sad to go on without parents because we love them and miss them terribly. We all have missed them so much but we never stop thinking about them.

I can tell you that through the years it will get better for you to continue and go on without them. If you have faith then pray each day for God to give you the strength to go through life. I will also say a special prayer for you.
Wishing you and your family many blessings
Roses

byermoor2 · Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 5:53 pm Post subject: Re: CANT FIND HAPPINESS

hi
i know what you are going through,i lost my dad on the 18th october and my mam on the 23rd of nov,i still hav'nt come to terms with it. i lived next to them so i saw them every day and done everything for them. We had no warning that my dad was going to die we just thought he was going into hospital to get his meds changed,then they informed us that he had leukemia and he died two days later.My mother had her stomach removed and we thought she was doing fine, went for her checkup and they said they did'nt want to see her again untill her next checkup.a few weeks later she went down hill so we phoned the hospital and they said to bring her in ,they had a bed for her,after the test they informed us that a limph node next to her liver must have had a tiny speck of cancer in it that they missed and it had spread. There was nothing they could do so we brought her home.All of the family was with her ,she could not sleep ,drink,or eat and we could tell that she wanted to go and join my dad ,she had had enough.After we all said our goodbyes ant told her how much we loved her the nurses came in and put her on what you call a syringe driver ,she fell asleep and two days later she died.but what was so strange was seconds before she died she open'd her eye's and looked at both sides of the bed,i think she was checking to make sure we were all there.I will never forget that night,but i am glad i was with her every day till the end.I don't think i will ever come to terms with it,i want them back so much.Thinking of you at this sad time. love jill

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