Relative is all alone

amby · Regular Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 19

Hi- I'm new here. My Dad is very far away from me and my family, and he is just being diagnosed. There is no one else in the family who lives near him. Everyone is in a different state. I am married with 2 small kids. I want to help him. Take him to Dr. appts, make sure he is eating, etc. I don't know what to do. I couldn't live further away. He will never ask for help, either. Anyway, I am glad this forum is here. I'm sure I will be writing again. I am just feeling very powerless. Thanks.
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Amby

cakak06 · New User Joined: 07 Dec 2006 Posts: 1

[quote="amby"]Hi- I'm new here. My Dad is very far away from me and my family, and he is just being diagnosed. There is no one else in the family who lives near him. Everyone is in a different state. I am married with 2 small kids. I want to help him. Take him to Dr. appts, make sure he is eating, etc. I don't know what to do. I couldn't live further away. He will never ask for help, either. Anyway, I am glad this forum is here. I'm sure I will be writing again. I am just feeling very powerless. Thanks.[/quote]

Hi Amby,
I was in the same spot as you 6-9 months ago. My parents in a different state and the rest of us in another state. IF you can....or one of your siblings...go..take care of him. I was the oldest, and my sister had little kids. My kids were older kids. Does your siblings have small kids? My dad did not ask for help either and would not even think of it. But he let me know how appreciative and thankful he was that I was there. i pretty much was there from day diagosed till the day he died. He was diagnosed 3 months before he died. Sooo IF you can or one of your siblings...do go take care of him...or even rotate weeks if possible. WE had thought about moving our father to be near us...but he was too sick. Like I said..I dont know how far/weak/strong your father is.
I wish you all the best of everything. Give your dad lots of hugs and kisses! I miss mine terribly. Been almost 6 months since he died.
Take Care, CK

brainman · Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 5:23 pm Post subject: Re: Relative is all alone

Hi Amby,
You are in a very difficult situation. I was fortunate in that I was able to come life with my father during his last few years. Maybe after the initial diagnosis is over you could invite your father to move closer to you or someone else in your family? I know this is a difficult time for all of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

amby · Regular Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 19

Wow - I can't believe how fast this past month has gone by. Thanks for your replies. My dad has been fully diagnosed now. He has Stage IV adenocarcinoma of the lung with mets to lymphnodes and lumbar and thoracic spine and pelvis (bone). His first chemo treatment was on Jan 3. He will receive treatment for one day, every 3 weeks for 6 cycles. Taxol, Carboplatin and Avastin.

I asked him just after Xmas, "when can I come and see you?" He answered that it would be nice if I could be there for his first chemo, but he knows that it is too late for me to make a reservation... It wasn't too late. I have the best husband and friends. They all pitched in to care for the kids, and I was able to go visit without any worries or guilt. When I got there, I was very much surprised by how much pain my father was experiencing, and not telling anyone about. On the floor, writhing for hours. No sleep at night, because he can't find a way to lay that doesn't hurt. It's his back hurting.

I was able to meet his Dr., and describe how much pain my dad was in. See, my dad didn't even let on to his dr. how much pain he was experiencing. The doc gave him some darvocet. He was previously only taking Alleve.

Chemo, and cancer, is something I've never personally experienced before. All the people I have met are so wonderful. I haven't cried so much in my whole adult life. This all came out of nowhere. My dad is 66, healthy (plays handball 3 times a week), is a motorcycle safety instructor,... to me he is just a cool guy. He did smoke, he quit 11 years ago. My Dad and I have a long history of not getting along. None of it means anything anymore. I think it's true for him, too.

The chemo wiped him out for about 4 days, then he started getting up and eating again. He was determined to drive me to the airport, and I let him. He has said that he doesn't think he could do this without someone being with him. He is really glad I showed up, even though he said he didn't want me to come.

He started radiation today, for 11 days. His last radiation is on the day of his next chemo, 1/24. His sister will be with him for that round. Then, for the next an old girlfriend, and then I will go back in march. I am so glad I followed my guts and went. Thanks to those who advised me. Just wanted to touch base with this board. I think everyone here is really incredible. My prayers are with you and your families.
_________________
Amby

brainman · Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:02 pm Post subject: Re: Relative is all alone

Amby, I am glad that your father has you. I am also glad that you were able to go with him for his first chemo. That can be scary… for both your father and you. I continue to keep him and you in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

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