Coping with the loss of a loved one

Angelina · New User Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 1 Location: Rexburg ID

My father recently died due to melanoma cancer. He was only 47 and I have had a hard tiime coping. I don't know what to do. If there is someone who has gone through this I would appreciate the help.
Angelina

HEATHER · Regular Joined: 17 Nov 2004 Posts: 24

Hi Angelina,
Im so sorry about your loss. When I was 13 years old I lost my mother suddenly, due to a heart attack. She was only 39 years old. I had a very difficult time coping as well. We were very close. I still get emotional talking about it now. The pain you are feeling doesnt go away, but it does get easier with time. All I can tell you is try and keep your fathers memory alive. Talk about him. What he liked and didnt like. What made him laugh. What silly quirks he had. Tell stories of special moments you shared with him. By doing this, your father will always be with you.
Hang in there Angelina. Everyone deals with a loss differently. You do what is right with you. You will get through this. Heather

Its Only Skin Cancer!!!!! · New User Joined: 25 Feb 2005 Posts: 1

I am so sorry. My mom died of Melanoma in Nov after 5 very difficult years of battling this horrible disease. Although I wish everyday that she could be here with us, I thank the lord that she doesn't have to suffer any longer. I dont know if you father had a long trying disease, but there came a point that my mom said that she had had enough....there is definitly something to be said about that. She didnt want to have to deal with it anymore. Yesterday would have been her 57 birthday. I was hard, the holidays were torture and I think sometimes I could just curl up and sleep my days away. But then I think of her and all the crazy things that she would be doing up in Heaven (assuming that there is a heaven) and it makes me smile. And I talk to her. I know if sounds crazy, but I do. I say her Happy Birthday in the car yesterday - yes outloud!

THe most frustrating part of it all is that when people ask about it or did ask about it, they would all ways say "Oh its just skin cancer she will be fine" - I never want to go in the sun again.

I also find myself with very little patientence and I feel angry alot. Angry at everything. And very short with my husband. I dont know how to fix it yet.....I just have to apologize to him and say I am sorry, i dont know why am so angry. I am looking into a support group, maybe talking about it with others who have been through the same will help. I do have a good family support - my sister and I are very close and we talk about it frequently.

I hope that this helps a little - Hang in there, it does get easier.

loftus75 · Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 7:18 pm Post subject: grief

I'm very sorry to hear of you loss, only you can truly understand how you feel so I'll avoid the temptation to say I understand. However I do have some knowledge of the grieving process that may help to put your feelings into a framework. Grieving is a cycle which includes, shock, denial, anger, sadness and acceptance.

When we loss someone very close to us this cycle sets about a process that helps us deal with our loss. There is no time scale on this, for one person a few months might be all that is needed to reach the point where they can accept the loss and be more comfortable. Others can become stuck in one of the areas, such as anger, denial or shock. Should this happen these people will often suffer long term depression or other neurosis.

If you feel you cannot move on and that your grief is becoming disabling, you should consider profession help, however most people that have close family links find that a patient husband, wife or friend can make all the difference in just letting you talk about your feelings for as long as it takes for you to move through the various stages of grief. I hope this helps.

pat devitavessa · Regular Joined: 09 Apr 2005 Posts: 25

I am very sorry for your loss. Kind of like having the wind knocked out of you I.
Grief is a normal and very natural reaction to all the meaningful losses throughout or life. We have been told, "time takes care of things", "stay strong for the kids" along with all the ones you can come up with as you think about it.
I am a therapist that help Dr. Jay and Dr. Leo and would be happy to speak to you at any time . When I see patients or do trainings I use the Grief Recovery Handbook by James and Friedman (HarperPerennial). I would be pleased to help you. Remember at sometime we can ALL use a helping hand.

Write to us all.

My Very Best.

Pat
Pat Devita Vessa's Blog or
http://canceronline.com/help
_________________
Pat DeVita-Vessa, MFT

This is a dislaimer that this is not medical advice only information to help you

Lana8

I am so sorry to read about your father. My father died from melanoma of the brain and left ear in 1996. He was continuesly having nose bleeds. They just could not seem to come up with a diagnosis. He lived about 9 months after finding out. It takes time to grieve. I also just lost a sister on 6-11-05 to cancer of the lung and throughout the body. I am still grieving. Websites like this one help us vent some of how we are feeling. Just keep typing and let people now what you are going through. They will answer. Also you could keep a small journal. Write in it every day and just say how you are feeling on a daily basis. This could help. Good luck and god bless you. I sometimes just start crying for no reason, hope this gets easier.Doctor is helping with anxiety medication and sleep, but wish I new a good book for this. When you loose a twin, you feel like you have lost half of yourself. Take care. Hang in there.............

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