When is enough a enough, or is it a personal choice?

jamesatkins

I watched my mother die last year and my Aunty [hersister] 2yrs before, both died long painfull deaths.
My mother could not tolerate any treatment at all, it was a horrible thing to have to watch,so much so that i ran away, i just couldnt cope with the constant suffering,she was on meds but still in pain as she didnt want to be a zombie [her choice]
The guilt i felt for leaving still haunts me to this day,as she used to indure a 2hour train ride EVERY day to be by my side when i was diognosed at 17 and if it wasnt for her i dont think i would be here today after 23 yrs and nearly a dozen reoccurances.
This last reoccurance has really flattened me though,they cant give me any more C.H.O.P. chemo and the radiation oncologist has refused to radiate over the same area, so hence my question, When is enough enough, i just feel like jumping on a plane and exploring while i can still get aroung,but my family keep pushing me as if its there choice and make me feel so damned guilty and ashamed.
I keep saying to myself that its my life and that i dont want my son to stand by and watch me die ,but the guilts still there ,i feel like i would be walking out on them.
Ive tried to talk to them about it but my brother calls me a coward and we have nearly come to blows a few times which is something i dont want.Maybe i should just slip away.
Jim Atkins.
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JIMJIM

btgoss · Regular Joined: 31 Mar 2005 Posts: 20

Jim no one can tell you when "enough is enough", you are the only person who can make that call.
I don't know what I would do if I get to be in your shoes.

I know the responsibility that we owe to our families is to do our best to help them through our cancer. In many respects we have the easier role to play in all of this, we have a very clear goal; get well or pass. It is much harder for those that are basically watching from the sidelines, regardless of how active they are in our treatment. They face a much more uncertain future, without a clear goal, so their reactions can sometimes seem out of line.
I hope you make the decision that your and your family can find peace with.
Having been through CHOP I know your pain.

Make real peace with your son. He needs to know what your dealing with now. You may have to fight a bit longer for them to be able to understand.

Good Luck.

BT

btgoss · Regular Joined: 31 Mar 2005 Posts: 20

Jim
read this as well.

the comments are mostly good, and the links are good.

http://www.digg.com/health/The_Last_Word_on_the_Last_Breath

good Luck

jamesatkins · Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2006 3:36 am Post subject: When is enough enough?

Thanks for the reply and the link.
IVe only been home from interstate [where i have treatment] for a week or so and a few times ive tried to talk to my partner and son about not going back to the docs, that basically ive had enough, and theres bugger all they can do anyway, but my wife[partner] just gets really angry and defensive and i allways seem to end up feeling like the bad guy.
Shouldnt a guy be able to choose the way he wants to go out after years of illness and surgeries and treatment? surely ive earned that right!!!
I know its hard to let go of someone you love, im not too sure what my son is feeling,because he just clams up every time i mention anything about cancer, he knows im sick and im pretty sure he knows ive had enough,But i dont think he understands why i want to dissappear.
Has anyone else out there been through or know of a similar situation, if i had any hair id be pulling it out about now.
Jim Atkins Australia.
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JIMJIM

alihamilton · Regular Joined: 31 Oct 2004 Posts: 21

Hi Jimjim,

I do understand your feelings and it is a dilemma for you. When my husband was dx three years ago with rectal cancer, I was the caregiver and I was the driving force behind his recovery!! I wanted him so much to do well..and he did. Now I am the patient, having been dx with follicular lymphoma three months ago. I am only in my first treatment but have no idea how I would feel if I were to find that it was not working or that it had come back. My present feeling is that I would not take any more treatment but I really cannot know that would be the case. I can understand that, after years of treatment, you are sick and tired of it all. It is such a difficult decision to make. We spend our lives pleasing others, often at the expense of our own wishes. This is all well and good in most circumstances but at times we have to be selfish. I think you just have to trust that you will make the best decision for you and your family. Continue to talk to them about it. They will not be happy if you refuse any more treatment but hopefully they will understand your reasons.

Take care,
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Alison

jamesatkins

Thank you all for your advice, it really does help to talk about what we are going through, keep theses forums active, they are a big help.
Jimjim.
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JIMJIM

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