how do i get through losing my husband to cancer

lesley

i am 49 years old and lost my husband to esophagel carcinoma 7 weeks ago. He was diagnosed 11th june 2005. He underwent surgery in september a year ago, but found they were unable to remove the cancer, and was unable to have any treatment. So the last year we basically were waiting for the cancer to take over. He recieved many stents that were put in the windpipe and esophageos area, as the cancer was causing the passages to close, and was unable to eat.We decided to keep my husband at home, and that was where he wanted to end his life. It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, but it was what we all wanted as a family. Myself and my 3 grown up children were with him when he took his last breath,unfortunately he was on so many drugs to make him comfortable he wasnt awake, but i hope felt us there.
My husband and i met when i was just 15 years old, he was my first love, and was such a strong, passionate, and full of life person, and i had to watch him reduced to a very frail and beaten person. He put up a brave fight and never complained. We are left behind, myself and 3 grown up children, and dont know where to go from here.I am going to counselling here in Calgary, Alberta, but i dont have the feeling that the counselor relates to where i am as she hasnt been where i am.Is anyone out there able to give me some direction?

Xian120 · Regular Joined: 28 Aug 2006 Posts: 12

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can relate on a certain level, but for me it was a family member, not a wife or husband as with you. I would find a counselor that can relate. If you've never felt that pain you can't in anyway relate and help someone else. I pray you find peace and the help you are seeking...

Christian

Shorty · New User Joined: 21 Sep 2006 Posts: 5

Dear Lesly

im so sorry to hear about your husband. its seems so unfair, this is how i feel at the moment as my son is 19 and we have been told maybe 6 to 8 months. i also dont know how to deal with this. maybe if you feel like a chat,please feel free to contact me.

loving mum

ALOCIN · Regular Joined: 16 Oct 2006 Posts: 26

Hi Lesley ,

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband . Try and talk to others in the same situation . My husband is terminal ill with a brain tumor he's 48yrs old and i feel that you don't understand how other's are feeling unless you've been there. You can try but you don't truely understand unless you have . I don't truely understand and I'm afraid to think about it too much but I know I'll need my friends and family in the future. The kids keep me going and I'm so thankfull we have all three of them but at the same time it upsets you that they are having to deal with cancer at such a young age. take care

nicola
england uk

widowx2 · New User Joined: 27 Oct 2006 Posts: 1

My heart goes out to you, I do know exactly what you are going through. I lost my first husband to Esophageal cancer when I was 21 on 9/27/1989. With 3 small children I remarried in 1990 we were marreid 10 years had 3 additional children and he was diagnosed with Gastric cancer and passed away 4/8/2001. The hurt I felt is hard to describe, the fear and weight of it all aged me far beyond my time. I can tell you this, it will get easier, it will never go away this pain in your heart, but it will dull somewhat. Try to stay busy with helping others, it helped for me to see there were others out there less fortunate than I, also use what you have learned to help another who is caring for their spouse. God makes no mistakes everything is within his plan, although we do not understand now we will someday. I have remarried 12/28/2004, God did bless my heart to love and trust once again. However this time of year is always hard because it's when my first husband died and my second was diagnosed. I just try to stay busy and do things to honor their lives.
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" I am not scared to die, I would gladly do so, if not one other person had to hear you have Cancer"

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