How much time is left

abc · New User Joined: 11 Feb 2006 Posts: 5

Hi,
I need your help. my mother had cancer about 18 month ago. it was metsis in the bone only the leg, with unknow origin. several test were done but source remained unknow. 3 month ago it spread from her ribs, back and skul. I work over seas, i went to visit a month ago knowing that it started to spread. 3 weeks ago she started coughing blood, a test was done and showed tiny cancer spots in the lungs. she went fo chemo therapy last week and her lung started bleeding, she had difficulty breathing she uses oxygen about 30% of the time. now I need to go back to visit her. but i am trying to see when should i go. i do not want to wait long as it might be too late my plan is to go in 3 weeks, do you think that it is ok, or should i goo sooner. please advice if some one has seen similar situation. internet research suggest she has 6 weeks left. please advice. Thanks you very much.

brainman · Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 7:47 pm Post subject: Re: How much time is left

There is no way to tell how long your mother has left. It is different from one person to another. I am so sorry for you and your mother. My mother died of brain cancer in 1998. It was very difficult since I did not live near her. I also faced the same dilemma you are facing: “When should I be there with her?” I do have one significant advantage over you: I worked in a hospital with oncology patients. I visited every weekend and noticed her deteriorating condition. One weekend, I just knew, I just knew that it was time. So I stayed. That Sunday morning, my father and I where in the hospital room with her. Her breathing become shallow. I don’t think my father noticed. I walked out of the room to get a nurse and my father called for me. By the time the nurse and I got back to the room, mom was breathing those last breaths that anyone who has worked with dying people knows are the last. I am glad I was there with her. Although I cannot tell you when to be there, the fact that you do want to be there shows how much you love your mother. I hope you can be with her.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

abc · New User Joined: 11 Feb 2006 Posts: 5

Yes it is veryhard to be away, I wish i could go and stay with her. My sister and brother arewith her all the time,i call her every day. she has a problem speaking more than few sentence then sh will need oxygen. I wish i have delayedmy last visit. I know it is har to predict but also if i go that might help her to over come her depression she migt feel better. I am just warried it might be too late after 3 weeks. thx for reply. if any body has seen similar situation please reply. thanks

marcosis · Posted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:36 pm Post subject: Re: How much time is left

abc,
I wish I had some insight for you but as I am in a similiar situation I guess I can't be of much help. I live in another state than my dad and I am asking myself the same questions. When do I go, not go? I have a trip scheduled in about 3 weeks but I am afraid I might be waiting too long. It does not seem like he is ready to die just yet but I guess we just never know for sure and that is one of the hardest things for me to accept. I guess we just have to do the best we can and go with our feelings. I hope mine are leading me in the right direction, sometimes I can't tell. I wish you the best with your travels and for your mother.

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