Just Want To Tell Someone...

Mark Clute · Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 7:52 pm Post subject: Just Want To Tell Someone...

I've now had tongue and neck cancer for over a year. I've had two surgeries, chemo and radiation. Twice it looked like we were clear. Just a few days ago I was told its back. I'm waiting on the CAT scan to tell us if its finally migrated to my lungs. If not, maybe radical surgery will save me. If so, well, its pretty clear where that leaves me. They said they can't do anymore chemo and no more radiation.

I have a blind wife (she has been so all her life) who has always counted on my being there for her. Now I fear that I will not be able to deliver for her. She is completely devoted to me and it just breaks my heart that I am about to desert her.

Sometimes I think of that poem that talks about loving someone so much that it breaks some unearthly law and it has to be taken away from you.

We talk. But I can't unload because I have to be there for her. I just wanted someone to hear me crying.

mssue · Posted: Fri Oct 07, 2005 6:59 am Post subject: Re:Just Wanted To Tell Somebody

Dear Mark,

I'm so sorry You are having to go through this, Crying or Very sad

again.Your particular situation is heartwrenching.I cannot imagine being in You nor Your wifes shoes-no one ever really does until they've walked a mile in Your shoes.How did she take it the first time?It's a scarry thing to think about but even worse to deal with.Your wife might be blind but that doesn't mean she can't feel or sense that something is bothering You.Usually if a person is deficent in one area their senses are stronger in other areas enabling them to survive in their surroundings.I pray for You that things get better-U need support too! Whatever happens, You should both be prepared-You are in this life as a couple,good or bad, but together until death do You part.If something happens and one is left alone they must be able to survive.IF it's a grim situation-the most Loving thing a person can do is to prepare their partner with Love and kindness making sure that things that are of the upmost importance are dealt with up front.Nothing is worth anything if we don't have love,You 2 have been so fortunate to have found each other,not everyone is so Blessed.My heart goes out to You , I pray that God give You strength to do what is best for both of You.
(((HUGS)))
_________________
Sue
Age-44
DX-8/29/2003
Stage 1 - ER/PR-,HER2-NU+
Infilterating Ductal Carcinoma
Modified Radical Mastectomy/Left-side
4 Rounds of A/C-completed 1/2004

MarkS · Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2005 11:52 am Post subject: Re: Just Want To Tell Someone...

Hi Mark,

From one Mark to another, I am also sorry this is happening to you.

I can sort of relate to your situation. My wife isn't blind but because of her upbringing (or lack of) she has been very dependant on me too and she is going to have a very difficult time after I'm gone. I know that and I'm more worried about her than I am about me. All I have to do is die - she has to go on living. She got the hard job.
It bothered me when you said you're deserting her. Buddy, we're not deserting. Desertion is when you willingly walk away and we're not doing this willingly. We have no choice. It wasn't our decision. Truth is, I think this sucks and I'm sure you feel the same way.
As Sue said, all we can do is prepare them the best we can in whatever time we have left. That means financially, mentally and spiritually.
I'm putting all the money I can away so she'll have it for later. I have her paying all the bills and looking after the finances so she'll know how to do it.
I'm trying to get all the jobs done around the house so there won't be anything she needs to worry about there for a while.
I taught her how to change a tire and hook up the battery charger - just all those little things that I've always done and she took for granted.
I'm encouraging her to stick close to family and friends. She's going to need them.
We're both Christians but we never attended church regularily. We are going now - for two reasons. One, I want her to be as strong spiritually as possible and two, I want that support network in place. 3 reason's actually. I'm going for me too, to keep myself strong.
Other than things like that it's in God's hands and I just have to trust that He will look out for her, put the right people in her life at the right time, and guide her as He has me.
I feel for you Buddy, I really do. Maybe we can help each other out here.

Take care and God bless.

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