New to any kind of forum _ depression

posttreatmentblues · New User Joined: 24 Oct 2009 Posts: 1

Hi,
This is a first for me. I have never gone online to talk to others who are going through similar difficult health problems of lung cancer,or for that matter, about anything else. I need to reach out now in my recovery since I don't really understand my feelings.

I am a 55-year-old woman with non-small cell lung cancer. I was diagnosed in late November of 2008 with a 2 cm. tumour at the top of my right lung. Obiously, my whole world was shattered. One good thing is I live in Ottawa, Canada, and we are lucky to have a state of the art cancer centre.

Following diagnosis, I had a Pet scan, biopsy etc. and battery of other tests which eventually lead to a right upper lobectomy on Jan. 14.

At the time, that was supposed to be the entire treatment, but during a hospital stay two-weeks following surgery for a collapsed lung, the surgeon told me the pathologist had found a microscopic cluster of cells on the same part of the lung they removed. Basically, he said I had to have chemotherapy as soon as I was recovered from the surgery. He didn't tell me then, but the pathologist had to call the world staging organization to ask which stage I should be.

I went from stage one to stage four with those small lethal cells because it was metatastits. Microscopic, but still metastisis.

I went through chemo from March until later June this year. The surgeon wanted a CT scan at the end of chemo and they found two swollen lymph nodes (the reason 4th stage is not normal is because none of my lymph nodes came back clear) The oncologist and the surgeon had not seen this before, so I felt a little like a guinea pig.

Has anyone out there had this happen to them?

Anyway, I know this is a long post, but I thought history would help.

I am trying soooo hard to be positive, and yet, following a follow-up CT scan which cleared me for metatisis, I am depressed. And I feel really weird about that, and quite frankly, don't want to share it with many of my friends. I already know they don't want to hear about it.

I am doing everything to keep myself positive. I meditate every morning, I listen to positive tapes like Louise Hay. I take an abundant amount of supplements, and I have also changed my diet, but I always feel like the cancer is just waiting to get me again.

Everyone including my husband say I am too hard on myself. Does anyone feel like I do?

Thanks for listening....

C

dano

Welcome C
You did a real good job of explaining your self and there are several parts I relate too. I have never had surgery because most of my lungs have been covered with small tumors, yet I've been at this for two years. I feel for the people that have the surgery and then are not clean of cancer afterwords, so why remove someones lung which is healthier than mine by far just to stage them as poorly as myself Stage IV. The treatments have helped me a lot, I would think they would help some one like your self with out the surgery. The doctors by in large go by the numbers, which means that they play the odds, do you feel lucky, well do ya? lol ok that doesn't mean they are fools, but they do miss the guess at times. And mostly no harm no foul. I found it very important to keep them abreast with my condition so that they could make adjustments in the meds or what ever to stay tuned to what is happening to my body. I have found out things they didn't know, but they are fast at adjusting, so don't feel they are not doing good if you have to help them, because you do have to help them help you. I hope really good things in your future and like me I hope your treatment is long with positive results. Lymph nodes swell, thats what they do, why, I don't know and neither do the doctors. During my first set of chemo treatments my glands in my neck swelled up very large and hard. It scared the doctors, they thought it was the cancer going crazy so they stopped my Chemo treatment to start Radiation on my head. In time my glands reverted to normal, which would have never happened if it was the cancer going crazy in my Nodes. They try not to commit them selves on a lot of things at least the smart docs do, the ones that don't learn fast will make statements they have to reverse all the time. So like I said, you should have a good road ahead of you, be positive because you want to be that kind of person, it even rubs off of you onto the nurses and doctors.
God Bless
Dan
_________________
55 year old male, Diagnosed Nov. 9,2007 with NSCLC IV with Mets to the lymphs and brain
Had full brain radiation treatment in Jan 08 treatments now every 4 weeks with Alimta, taking Lovenox for blood clots, Now working full time
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9993

robertacastello · Regular Joined: 02 Jul 2008 Posts: 41

Hi,

I know how you feel about not wanting to share this. Somehow, when we are faing cancer, it seems other people don't have the dimension of what's going on. My father is battling the disease for a year and a half, he got really depressed during most of the time. I feel you sould be optimistic, your exams are showing no signs of disease after the chemo and you are healthy now. I know it's a burden to carry, but enjoying your life is the best you can do. If you get to harsh on yourself, you might be cured and still not be enjoying life.
I wish you all the best and I think it will do you good to share your feelings here.

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