My father has decided to discontinue treatment...

visualkeist · New User Joined: 01 Jul 2009 Posts: 2

Hello everyone!

I'm new here, so please bear with me ^^

About two months ago, my father was diagnosed with a type of cancer called a squamous(sp?) cell carcinoma. Surgeons removed his tonsils and a lymph node on the right side of his neck. The cancer is currently restricted to his throat area, and has not spread to any organs or to his brain, and doctors have commented that it is a good thing they've found it early(He told me, they said he had a 80% chance of recovery, but my father was saying that there was a lot he wasn't told..). He is a healthy 65 year old man and the last checkup was on Friday, and the nurse said that his white blood cell count was low, but that other test results came out looking great for someone his age.

The chemotherapy was supposed to last 7 weeks, and how they are doing it at the cancer center, was chemo for one week, then a two week break, then chemo again for a week, and another two week break, until 7 weeks of chemo have been completed. The radiation was going to be done in the same fashion, but not at the same time as the chemotherapy.

However, after going through chemo for one week (my father is currently on his two week rest period) and feeling wiped out, not being able to move or eat much, and sleeping tons, he said all the other chemo patients in the room didn't look as worn out as he did, and now, for his own reasons, he has opted to discontinue treatment, and this decision has left my mother feeling crushed.

My father stated that he is old, and he doesn't want to spend the remainder of his life feeling weak, being proded by doctors, not being able to eat, being put on pills, sleeping all day, with the mood swings and all the hardships that come with cancer.

I suggested AHCC for him, which is a pill made from mushroom extract that supposedly boosts the immune system and voids out the side effects of chemo. He said he'd try this, but he doesn't want anything to do with chemotherapy and radiation. He is also asking to have his feeding tube and medicine port removed...

My biggest problem with all of this is.. if the cancer is in it's earlier stages, does 7 weeks feel like an eternity at the cost of being able to survive cancer and live for a lot longer than letting the cancer spread around? The other thing is, I have read other posts where family members have had to watch their beloved ones die from cancer, and the description makes it sound 100 times worse and more painful than chemo and radiation could ever be.

I want to respect my fathers wishes, but at the same time, his cancer is not untreatable or at the point where he can't recover.. and just.. my mom came to the US from Korea in 1987, and though she has her citizenship, she came here to live with my father, and for him to be this way, it's really hard on her, and she can't understand why he'd give up so quickly, when before the chemo, he said he wouldn't give up..

Please help me to understand. xP
_________________
"Talent has a limit; Determination is limitless." -- S.T

Karieileen · New User Joined: 17 Jun 2009 Posts: 9

I understand your situation is a difficult one, but there are always two sides to every story. If you've never gone through chemo, then you can't possibly understand what it does to the body. It does wear you out. It makes you feel like you aren't yourself anymore. It can be painful, nauseating, and just plain awful. There aren't enough four letter words in the English language to truly describe how horrid chemo is.

That said, I tend to agree with you on one thing: it's the better option than letting go. But, that's me agreeing with you, that doesn't mean your dad does or will. And there's nothing wrong with him if he doesn't want to fight.

What it sounds like from what you said is that your dad isn't as well informed as he could be. If he has over an 80% chance of survival, I'm confused why he won't take it. Does he think he's going to die anyway? It sounds like it if he thinks that he'll be spending "the rest of his life" feeling like he does on chemo. The only way that will happen is if he dies.

Have you talked to him about this? Does he realize that cancer itself can make you feel tired, sick, and weak -- in some cases, more so than the chemotherapy does? I think your only option is to make sure he has all the facts and to make him talk with his doctors (or at least, ask him politely but insist that he talks with them) so he knows all of his options.

Something tells me if he's giving up, he doesn't have the entire picture. Either that, or he's not sharing it with you. Or, the worst option: he's still in denial, somewhat.

But, don't take this advice as fact. Everyone feels differently about their bodies and every cancer patient has the right to choose how they deal with it. For some people, it truly is a blessing to enjoy the rest of their lives and give into cancer rather than fight with chemo and radiation. Talk with him and try to understand things from his point of view, too. It's the best thing you can do.
_________________
Kari Eileen -- Stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma survivor and representative of maddoxoncology.com

Jean222 · Senior User Joined: 14 Dec 2008 Posts: 261

Hi,

In a mere two months you've all been through a lot of stress and probably disbelief that this could even be happening to a health 65 year old man.

Your father has also been through the terrible shock of a threat to his very existance, sugery and a weeks worth of chemo which he seems to feel was overwhelming.

That's a lot for anyone to cope with in such a short time.

Chemo is not easy to endure by many patients, nor are the side effects.

If I may tell you about a friend of mine, a very religious Sunday School teacher, who after one treatment told me that she didn't think she could continue but couldn't tell her family either. Her idea was to have a second treatment (one day each treatment) but that if it was as bad as the first, she wanted to stop. Her major concern was that God would be angry at a Sunday School teacher if she made the decision instead of just suffering. I told her what I believed, it doesn't matter here.....but the day after her second treatment her sister called me to invite me to her funeral. She had died a few hours after the second treatment. Now, did she let herself go, or did she die from the actual treatment. It is poison after all. We'll never know but it might give you some idea of the scope of misery that can be caused by chemo on some people.

My Husband has a very aggressive cancer, bad prognosis and even though he's taking the treatments being offered (not chemo in the sense you mean but he has drugs injected into him and tablets with loads of side effects and feels unwell all the time, as they are also poisons). He has made it very clear that he will stop treatment when he can no longer deal with it and I support him 150% even though I'm totally devastated by the whole situation.

He is/was a very healthy 63 yr old when diagnosed, just turned 64. I've been a wreck about the whole issue, feel very bad that he's having to suffer through all this but on the day he says 'enough', I'll hold his hand and be there for him.
I can see his point of view, he values quality of life over quantity. If it's all misery, why continue is how he feels.

As upsetting as it is, as long as their mental capacity is there, they have the right to stop treatment.

Please let your mother know that it's not an insult or decision based 'against' her. It's about how he cannot/ doesn't wish to suffer and it may also be about loving her and not wanting to prolong this illness for the sake of the family.

BUT, I'd also encourage him to speak with his doctors again, for him to express his feelings to them and get some feedback from them. Depression must be ruled out or treated, that could be affecting him greatly. He might be told that there is some other medications that could minimize his suffering and make the situation much more tolerable. They have great drugs now for nausea, there are appetite enhancers etc.

Please insist that he do this before making a final decision but if he still chooses to stop treatment, please take into account the whole picture from his point of view.

Best wishes to your family, esp. to your Dad.

Jean

Kronk86 · Regular Joined: 22 Jun 2009 Posts: 24

Your story really hit home for me. My father was diagnosed with NSCLC Squamous Cell Carcinoma just over a year ago. He was 65 as well.

My dad passed away about two weeks ago now. Having had a little time to let it sick in, i don't know what is the better choice; Going through treatment or not.

I know my dad wanted to do everything in his power to survive, but Chemo and Radiation isn't easy to go through. It is painful for the patient and the family. Watching my dad go through excruciating pain for the last year was very difficult. He said he would have rather stopped treatment earlier to have a better quality of life in his last days.

I think your dad is probably not telling you something. An 80% survival rate is amongst the highest someone with cancer can get. My dad was given less then 15% with the same type of cancer in stage 3.

People from that generation have a very different outlook on life, medicine, family etc. My dad was the last person you would expect to see in a doctor's office. If that is the choice your dad made, i think you should respect it.

Let me know if there are any questions you have.

Best wishes to you and your family.

visualkeist · New User Joined: 01 Jul 2009 Posts: 2

Quality over quantity is his main concern. He said he's lived a good life, and if at all, he will choose to be happy, have fun, and make the best of it.

As for talking with a doctor, he did talk to one of the specialists. That same specialist told him the cancer would come back and he would die without treatment, and he said he understood all of this.

I believe my issue is that I'm still unwilling to believe he could be brought down by cancer because he has always fought with an iron fist.

As for the doctors here.. well, I don't really like the majority of the health care specialists here. My father is retired from the military, so my mother and I receive care from the military hospital here, but their system is so chaotic ( 4 - 6 hours wait time??? ) that I would end up feeling worse after waiting so long, and a lot of families just ended up going home. I'm not sure how this puts out in regards to my father and his care at the cancer center, but he has said it feels like we're getting no hope.

He asked about a dietician ad a nutritionist, and not one person has been able to help us with it.

I'm stuck by myself trying to find what he can and can't eat and I'm often thrown into dead ends or foods that seemed to work for others, don't quite sit well in his stomach.

Trying to fight through all of this with the lack of information is daunting.
_________________
"Talent has a limit; Determination is limitless." -- S.T

Jean222 · Senior User Joined: 14 Dec 2008 Posts: 261

Well, at least you know what he's thinking and it's doubtful that depression is a part of it.

He just feels the same as my Hubby, quality of life is much more important.

Now that you understand his thoughts about his cancer, I hope you and your mother can find it in your hearts to be 100% behind him in his decision to enjoy what time he has left.

I share your disbelief that such a healthy person can be brought down so suddenly by cancer, but I'm watching it happen in front of my eyes. Very sad, feeling very helpless etc.

But there are many cancers that do not have symptoms til they're at the terminal stage ie gall bladder cancer and most pancreatic cancers. There are many more, as cancer is an umbrella phrase for many different diseases with commonalities.

For help with the food, check out the food threads or google cancer + foods.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Jean

	Cancer Forums Forum Index -> Coping and Support	All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

A website for discussions about any type of cancer, including lung cancer, breast cancer, prostate cancer, laryngeal cancer, leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma and others